“Hi Mik, Just over 6 months ago, I came out of my first relationship. It was an amazing time in my life, ok maybe relationship is the wrong word, we were dating for two months. The breakup hurt, but it wasn’t disasterous. He’s not talking to me but that’s fine, he obviously isn’t ready to be friends.
However, since that time I’ve been on a few dates and had quite a few guys said they were interested in me. They’re sweet, and funny, and seem genuine; until they turn around and tell me they are only interested in sex. Now I guess I kind of feel flattered, I’m a 24 year old woman with mild cerebral palsy, but I haven’t crossed that hurdle and I want to mean something, and for me to mean something to the other person, when I do decide that’s what I want.
My question is, is sex really all guys in their 20’s are looking for?
I have a really close relationship with a guy I met when I was on holiday in Florida when I was 16, but he lives in Australia, so that’s not really possible. He’s the only guy, at 26, around my age who I have actually had interested in me who’s not just interested in sex. I’m just wondering if I’m giving the ‘come try me’ signal but avoiding it entirely. I don’t want to apologise for being me, but I feel like this seems to be such a big draw for men.
Any sage words of advice would be greatly appreciated!”
Arh Lizzy, the age old question. Are boys in their 20’s only interested in one thing, sex? The short answer is no, but that’s not to say that they will admit that they want more. I was an aberration as I have always sought out a relationship rather than sex, which really freaked out some of my partners when I was in my 20’s. It’s also not just men who are interested in sex. My wife freely admits she went out with me at first as she fancied me and wanted to have sex with me. The relationship came out of the sex… tee hee.
So, what would I advise you? Well firstly, is it so bad that these guys are being truthful? I know that many women end up with broken hearts when they discover that the guy they thought wanted a relationship only wanted sex, and with these guys telling you like it is, you at least know what you’re getting in to. I also wonder is it such a bad thing to start out just having sex? As I said, that is how my marriage started and it’s getting stronger every day 26 years later. As well as not knowing if it will grow into something more, if you really fancy a few of these guys I wonder if a few nights of sweaty fun might not a good idea. Make some nice memories at least. Sure there’s the reputation issue, which is so sad in the 21st Century, but I would hope they weren’t the kind of guys to kiss and tell. Always an important thing to gauge before you jump into the sack.
As for your worry about that signals you are giving, I know your pain. My wife might have only wanted sex but I fancied her to bits. Apparently I was such a flirt she was sure I’d love her and leave her, so that is how she went in to the relationship. Luckily I trapped her with my charm and wit (?), but she was still attracted to how I was and I couldn’t have changed if I wanted. Please don’t over think the way you act with these guys. Be yourself and they will love it, or leave it, either way you win.
Actually, don’t over think it all. Men might say they want sex, and of course we do because we are mostly horny little devils, but we aren’t really that different from you ladies. We also want to be loved and secure and happy, but we just aren’t brought up to be able to say it. In a way their honesty shows how much they like you. If they really wanted just to have sex with you they’d say whatever they thought would get you in bed. Men can be bastards! Go out on a date with them, maybe even tumble into bed and see what occurs. It might turn out they were trying to be cool and they want as much from you as you think you want from them. If not, make sure the night was something to remember when you are old and past it!
To be honest, it’s so great to get a question from someone who is not finding their impairment isn’t a bar to finding love, sex and flowers. Get out there and let the world take you where it will, and enjoy the ride.