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Any advice for my brother?

By June 24, 2016July 23rd, 2020Emily Yates, Lifestyle, The Love Lounge


I have an older brother who is pretty far in the disability spectrum and have been hoping for some advice. He has Hypoplasia of the cerebellum which has rendered him mute and unable to walk with I guess you can call autistic traits… that’s the best way I can describe it, it’s a pretty rare disorder.

Being the second child I’ve always acted as secondary caretaker next to my mom for my brother’s care, and having watched him grow up from an emotional teenage boy and mature to adulthood I’ve wondered about whether he’s missing out on those things that which carers shouldn’t speak of. I know because you guys have been covering this topic speaking out for this growingly public community of disabled individuals taking control over their lives on your website that this topic is at least coming to the forefront which is awesome given the stigmas.

But for those individuals that have a more difficult time communicating or are just farther up in the disability spectrum, do you have any advice? This is an extremely complicated topic I know.

He loves magazines and used to have a big crush on certain actresses, would it be weird getting him x-rated mags? I just recently started broaching this subject with my mother, who’s had a hard time in the past with doctors giving poor or entirely wrong diagnoses on my brother’s symptoms i.e. proclaiming he’s def despite loving music so for such a grey area it seems like a far fetched topic to broach with them. (more often than not doctors will answer inquiries from my mother with “really you know just about better than we do”) So we’re pretty much in the dark, there’s not much input out in the media yet and really it’s sort of a pioneering topic so I figured I’d send a shout out to you guys since you seem to have had some experience with this. I just don’t want to do something that might inadvertently freak him out or get him misguided since I don’t know how I can teach him whats inappropriate or not.

Any input helps, and good job to you guys for what your doing.

Hi there,

Thank you so much for your message and kind words. Firstly, it’s amazing that you are looking out for your brother and all of his needs, rather than just the ones that society deems appropriate! You couldn’t be more ‘spot on’ with what you say, and the way that disability and sex is portrayed needs to change… and quickly!!

In terms of how you can help your brother and what may be deemed appropriate, my response would be that that is entirely up to you as you also need to feel comfortable with what you are assisting with, too. Some relations and friends of people with disabilities do help them to explore their sexuality with x-rated mags or sensual videos, we’ve also had questions regarding masturbation and seeing sex workers. The answer is that there’s no right or wrong way to deal with your brother’s sexual needs, as long as both him and you are comfortable with whatever you decide.

In my opinion though, these magazines sound like they’d be the perfect ‘ice breaker’ for you, your brother and your family. If nothing else, you’re showing your brother that you are there for him and recognise him as a man with desires, and this is quite something when others can just see disability.

Have you seen our ‘Undressing Disability’ video? It can be found here and documents a really powerful story in a lovely way and I think you and your family may benefit from watching it.

Anything else I can help with, just shout. I’m always on hand to discuss these things further and in more detail if you’d like to do that. Fingers crossed for a great experience for all of you!

Join the discussion One Comment

  • Stuart says:

    I think it good idea and thinking about going to brothel,to pick a Sexy lady for full girlfriend experiance.

    I have Aspergers and still single at 45. I had Sex with girl at 17 and it was really nice. I also had a few friends with benefits none penetrative Sex with a Male friend sometimes when 20 and enjoyed it.

    Through bi curious when younger,I more attracted to opossit Sex. My Sex is Male but gender Female. I wear nail varnish all time and Female underwear.

    I watch Studio 66 tv sometimes on Sky channels 903, 912, 940 and 941. There is also good glamour model tv channels on 902, 906,908, 909 and 939. They not porn,but after 10pm the Female models wear just bra and skimpy panties. Sometimes they topless with no panties and close their legs,or lay on tummys to hide genitals. I masterbate to these programnes and have great orgasms. I sometimes watch Porn including Lesbian porn. I thinking of visiting brothel for full experiance and think it good your brother is encouraged to watch glamour babes on tv,even buy him odd porn dvd once a month. If he likes it look online for local brothel,or independant escort.

    Brothels are sometimes cheaper. Make sure read website and pick what seems good run massage parlour. Suggest it to brother and offer to pay for him.

    Ice breaker might be if you spot Sexy girl in beauty salon,buy voucher for shoulder back massage and give him voucher. Make clear it non Sexual massage and that he can chat with girl like how are you etc. She won’t want to give sexual favours. It be nice starter.

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