Category

Sex & disability

Bedroom Adventures Logo is a black lacy eye mask with the brand name in curvy black writing below

Win A Decor Heart Wedge From Bedroom Adventures

By | Disability, Undressing Disability

It’s competition time!

Thanks to Bedroom Adventures we have a Décor Heart Wedge to give away to one lucky winner. Perfectly contoured for the derriere, the Décor Heart Wedge provides a sweet incline for deeper penetration and G-spot positioning during lovemaking. This compact version of the Wedge combines passion with fashion as a positioning aid that doubles as a decorative pillow.

A merlot red coloured heart shaped cushion

Prize:

1 x The Décor Wedge, gifted by Bedroom Adventures.

How to Enter:

Simply sign up to the Undressing Disability hub, complete your profile and a profile photo and you’ll automatically be entered.

Competition Ends:

Thursday 26th November at 12 noon

Winner Announced:

Tuesday 1st December at 12 noon.

Terms & Conditions: All new and existing hub members who have completed a profile, including uploading an image as a profile picture, will be entered into the competition. The winner will be contacted by email and also messaged on the hub. The winner must respond within 24 hours to confirm they wish to receive the prize, if not a new winner will be selected. Your prize will then be posted directly to you.

A lady in black basque and knickers poses on a bed holding the heart wedge

More Product Details

  • Compact version of the Wedge provides lift and angles for deeper penetration.
  • Perfectly contoured for the derriere.
  • Ultra soft velvish material in designer colours to match your bedding.
  • Removable, machine-washable cover.
  • Moisture-proof liner prevents moisture from penetrating the foam interior.
  • Measurement in inches: 18L x 14W x 7H

Bedroom Adventures

Thank you to Bedroom Adventures for the generous gift of this prize. Damian, owner of Bedroom Adventures is one of our Love Lounge sexperts, offering practical advice on getting the most from your sexual relationships. If we can help solve a dating dilemma or relationship question contact us in confidence.

Follow our Undressing Disability campaign on social media. Find us on Instagram and twitter, or search hashtag #UndressingDisability.

 

Styling It Out and Sweaty Pits

By | Disability, The Love Lounge

The Question

Hi,

Two things I need your advice on, styling it out and sweaty pits! One is fashion, the second is  less sexy. I’ve been single for ages, focusing on my studies and getting a job following a time of ill health. In the last eighteen months I’ve managed to lose the extra weight I had piled on after surgery.

I’m feeling confident about myself but have zero clue when it comes to clothes. I’ve either got work shirts or hoodies and want to look trendier than that. I see blokes with a bit of style and think they look cool but I’ve no idea how to put clothes together.

The more personal issue is that sometimes I get wet patches on my shirt when I’m having a sweaty day. I think it’s a side effect of medication I’m taking. I’m embarrassed by it. I prefer to layer clothes on my top half to avoid people noticing. And I’m going to see if there’s a stronger deodorant I can use as I don’t want sweaty pits when I’m dating.

Any tips on where I can look for style advice. My mates are as clueless as me.

Cheers.

Our Answer

Hi! Thanks so much for writing in to the Love Lounge.

It’s great that you’re feeling confident. That’s more than half the battle when it comes to fashion! I’d recommend going into a department store, like Topshop or River Island and taking advantage of their Personal Styling Service. It’s usually free and involves a staff member who specialises in styling going around the store with you. They’ll pick out clothes that suit your new body type, complement your skin tone and make you feel great. It’s a brilliant thing to experience as it’ll then provide you with tips to use when you go out shopping on your own. If that’s not for you then search YouTube for videos with titles like ‘BooHoo Try On Haul’ where the fashionistas suggest how to put outfits together.

A bit of advice. Don’t worry too much about what’s in fashion and what others are wearing. Instead, use that energy to focus on what makes you feel amazing inside. Good clothes have the ability to boost your mood internally, too.

Styling It Out and Sweaty Pits - a trendy young guy wears a burgundy velvet suit jacket with a patterned T-shirt underneath. He has a hipster beard, a man bun and sunglasses

Sweaty Pits

Regarding the wet patches, I’d recommend discussing this with your doctor. They may be able to change your medication to minimise this side effect. Layering clothes, experimenting with deodorants and even doing a bit of research on what colours and materials work best with sweat patches will all go some way in helping you feel comfortable. However hopefully there is a more permanent solution!

Wishing you all the best – you’ll be as stylish as can be in no time!
Em x

 

Send Us Your Questions

Can our team help with a dating dilemma, sex or relationship question? Get in touch and we’ll do our utmost to find the answers you need. Follow us on Instagram @UndressingDisability and twitter @ETUKUndressing.
Worried About My Boyfriend's Behaviour - a woman sits leaning against the back of the sofa looking sad, her boyfriend wears a blue and white checked shirt, has dark hair and a beard and stares into the distance looking grumpy

Worried About My Boyfriend’s Behaviour

By | Disability, The Love Lounge

The Question

Dear Love Lounge,

I’m worried about my boyfriend’s behaviour. We met about 4 months ago and things have moved fast. We are crazy about each other and he has moved in. At first it was all very romantic, and he made me feel great. He complimented my appearance and was kind and generous and loving. My family are happy that I’ve met someone but wanted me to wait a while longer before he moved in, worrying I might get hurt as this is my first relationship. I dismissed their concerns as I’m 27 and wish they’d stop babying me. My mum was my carer until I got a PA and my own flat a few years ago, and she can forget I’m not a kid anymore.

In the last few weeks, my boyfriend has been short tempered and a lot less affectionate. Little things about me seem to annoy him. When we’re with friends and family he is fine but when we’re alone he frequently makes comments about my weight and has told me that I’m ‘stupid’ and ‘dense.’ I think he might also have used my bank card as it went missing from my wallet then reappeared. I have cried about this which made him more annoyed so I’m nervous of talking to him about his mood in case I make it worse. I know that couples can ‘have their moments’ as my sister so it may just be the norm?

Advice welcome.

 

Our Answer

Hi there, and thanks so much for writing in to us.

First things first, anything that makes you feel this upset and unhappy isn’t the norm.  Couples absolutely ‘have their moments’ but you are right to be worried about your boyfriend’s behaviour change. He is being neither kind nor respectful to you by the sounds of it, and this behaviour should not be accepted.

It’s good to hear that everything was great at the beginning. Has anything changed dramatically for your partner since then? Big changes at work, with money or even with family and friends can have a major impact on how we behave. And whilst it doesn’t make what he’s doing right, it might explain the reasoning behind his behaviour.

It is worrying that your boyfriend is only acting this way when you’re alone. This suggests to me that he knows the way he is acting is not acceptable.

Communication is key here. You must let him know plainly and simply (without getting too emotional if you can) that you won’t stand for comments from him that are demeaning or degrading. You won’t accept comments that make you feel bad about yourself – no-one deserves that in a relationship.

At the same time, let him know that if there is anything going on for him that you can help with, you’d be more than happy to. And if you can’t help, you’ll support him to sort it out himself. Remind him that you love him and of how great everything was at the beginning. But to get back to that, he must change his ways and how he treats you.

Tread carefully regarding the bank card – he might have genuinely picked yours up by mistake – and if no money has left your account, it seems unnecessary to accuse him of stealing. Have a chat with him about everything. How he reacts will probably tell you all you need to know about the future of your relationship.

Good luck!
Em x

 

Send Us Your Questions

Can our team help with a dating dilemma, sex or relationship question? Get in touch and we’ll do our utmost to find the answers you need. Follow us on Instagram @UndressingDisability and twitter @ETUKUndressing.

 

Losing my virginity when I have Cerebral Palsy - a young man and woman lie on a multi-coloured bed. They are wearing t-shirts and laughing and have their arms around each other

Losing My Virginity When I have Cerebral Palsy

By | The Love Lounge

The Question

Hi Ted,
I have cerebral palsy and I’m just about to go on a third date with a girl I really like. I think it has the potential to go somewhere. I’ve never had sex before, and wondered if you had any advice, as someone that also has CP?
Thanks,
A

Our Answer

Hi A,
Congratulations on securing a third date with the potential of going fourth base – not a mean feat indeed. The most succinct advice I can give is not to worry. First times are always messy, cumbersome and leave you wondering if sex is ‘all that’. But trust me, it gets better!

Practical Advice

However, as I have cerebral palsy myself I can offer some practical advice. Here are some little tips to point you in the right direction of how to make things as enjoyable as possible when you lack coordination. Firstly, I don’t know how important it is to you to unhook your first bra, but it may well be and you may well feel this is a task you cannot perform (most men, CP or not, struggle!). In this instance you could always ask her to unbuckle it while you hold it in place and then you get to perform the ‘reveal’ without the fiddly bit.
You could apply this to the other aspects of undressing so you can get the thrill of doing it yourself minus the need for the fine motor skills you may lack.

Manoeuvres

As for the actual act it’s important you don’t feel embarrassed about the things you can’t do. I really struggle crawling on a mattress (I fall into my own indent!!), so if you fancy a trip down south maybe think about other ways of getting there. Getting out of bed and kneeling could offer much more stability.

Taking Control

I would imagine that being your first time and accepting the restrictions of your movements she will ‘do all the work’ no questions asked. However if you build up a relationship with this woman you could have a think about and discuss ways you could take more control. That’s if, and only if you want to. I mentioned in a previous answer trying doggy style with a grabrail to help with stability, this could be a way for you to feel more in control.

Satisfaction

And lastly, a piece of advice not specifically centred around disability. Don’t forget that when the show is over (and this may take no time at all, which is fine!) there are plenty of other ways you can still ensure the satisfaction of both parties! So don’t worry about this at all.
Have fun!!
Best
Ted

Send Us Your Questions

Can our team help with a dating dilemma, sex or relationship question? Get in touch and we’ll do our utmost to find the answers you need. Follow us on Instagram @UndressingDisability and twitter @ETUKUndressing.

 

 

Turning Pain into Pleasure -A long haired bearded man in an open shirt bares his hairy chest whilst kissing a fair skinned dark haired woman

Turning Pain Into Pleasure

By | Disability, The Love Lounge

The Question

Hi,

My question is about turning pain into pleasure. I really want to go further with a girl I met recently. I experience a lot of pain on a daily basis due to my condition, and wanted to know if there’s anything you recommend to help me turn that pain into pleasure? It’s scaring me a bit and I’m avoiding those intimate conversations.

Thanks

S

Our Answer

Hi S,

Thank you for reaching out about turning pain into pleasure. You are not alone. Pain can be a problem for lots of people and it is understandably daunting having these conversations. The most important thing is to take everything at your own pace and take the time to explore what you do and do not enjoy.

My first piece of advice is to follow any pain management techniques provided by your doctor. This could be medication, a hot bath or knowing what time of day you may be at your worst level of pain. This will hopefully set you up to succeed in your bedroom adventures before you have even begun.

When people talk about turning pain into pleasure it is often assumed they are talking about inflicting pain and for many people this may be true. However there are many ways to turn existing pain into a pleasurable experience. This can be especially effective as the hormones released during sexual experiences have been shown to increase our pain tolerance levels. I have outlined some suggestions below and all of these can be enjoyed either alone or with a partner.

Whilst all these suggestions can be used in a sexual context it can also be used outside of the bedroom. Spending some time increasing your awareness of your own body may help reduce some of the anxieties around engaging in intimate conversations. It is also important you are aware of any reduced sensitivity or vulnerable parts of your body to avoid accidental injury.

1. Pressure

Applying pressure can often distract the neural pathways conveying the pain, this could be applied to the area of pain or to any part of the body. Ways of doing this may be through a massage, being gripped or held tightly or being bound firmly with a restraint, rope, or clothing.

2. Sensory deprivation

Using a blindfold or headphones to block out some sensory input can often make it easier to concentrate on other things. This can be used to help get past the distraction of pain and focus on the more pleasurable sensations created by whatever it is you or your partner is doing.

3. Hot/cold

It’s common practice to apply heat or cooling to painful areas to relieve pain. This can also be applied to other parts of the body including erogenous zones to draw your attentions away from your painful sensations. It can also be used to induce a different type of pain than the one you experience daily if that is something you find enjoyable.

4. Pain

An important thing to remember is there are different types of pain and there is no set way to work out what each person will like as everyone is different. Some people may even experience sensations such as tickling as painful so these could also be tried. A rough outline is to create a dull pain you would be looking at large flat objects such as paddles, the longer and thinner the object the more it will be a stinging sensation. Scratching or prickling pains can be created by things as simple as fingernails, teeth or a device called a Wartenberg wheel or pinwheel. Finally things such as pegs or clamps can be used to create a pinching sensation.

I hope this has helped guide your exploration.

Kat

Have you got a question for our Love Lounge sexperts? Get in touch and we’ll do our best to help.

For all our updates on topics relating to dating, relationships, sex and disability follow us on Instagram and Twitter. #LoveLoungeUK #UndressingDisability

 

 

 

 

 

 

The word Confidence in a dictionary highlighted in green marker pen

Finding the confidence to date again

By | Disability, The Love Lounge

The Question

Hi there,

My question is about rebuilding confidence. I have a spinal cord injury and am a wheelchair user.  Before lockdown, I was quite used to going out on dates (and it didn’t really matter whether I got a second one or not, I just loved the excitement of meeting people!) But now I’m starting to feel like I’m out of practice after months inside, and that I’m going to run out of time to find someone special.  How can I regain my confidence and stop feeling the pressure?

Thanks

Our Answer

Hi K,

Thanks so much for writing to us. It’s great to hear that you found confidence and comfort in dating as it means you can do it again! Lockdown has been a really strange and difficult time for many of us. I don’t know one person that hasn’t been affected either in some physical way, or mentally, by this.

And when we’re stuck inside, with so much time to think and feel lonely, it’s almost impossible not to feel like life is passing us. But I promise you that time is moving at exactly the same rate as it did before, we’ve sadly just not been able to enjoy it in the same way!

So, I’d recommend using the remainder of this time inside to think positively about what you’d like to achieve over the next 1, 3, 5 or even 10 years. You might want to write things down, or even create a vision board of your wants and needs. There’s not much that we have control over right now, but we can control our thoughts and desires, and what we do with them. If it is a relationship that’s a priority for you, why not ease yourself back in slowly and see if there’s an online dating event that you could get involved with? Funnily enough, we are running one soon… https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/virtual-speed-dating-with-enhance-the-uk-tickets-121709138309

That way, your confidence will start building again, and you’ll feel more in control by taking action, and the pressure will hopefully subside.

Wishing you luck, let us know how you get on!
Em x

 

You may also find these article useful.

Online Dating – Is it worth it? 

Online Dating As A Disabled Person

Keep up to date with all our Love Lounge and Undressing Disability insights by following us on Instagram and Twitter.  You may also wish to sign up to our free forum, the Undressing Disability Hub. 

 

 

A leather jacket unzipped to reveal a yellowy orange background with the words UD events in black

Virtual Speed Dating – Undressing Disability Events

By | Disability, Undressing Disability

Date In A Dash has teamed up with Enhance the UK to host some amazing Undressing Disability virtual events. Join us for an evening of fast, fun & flirty speed dating from the comfort of your own home. Disabled and non-disabled people are welcome. Our aim is to create an accessible event for everyone to enjoy.

Our next event is on the 25th November. This is a lesbian event aged for 25-45 year olds, age not strict but necessary,

Date: 25th November

You can expect to meet around 15-20 people throughout the virtual evening event which will take place on Zoom.

Registration

  • Please ensure you arrive 15 minutes before the scheduled start time to allow for registration.
  • Speed Dating kicks off at 8pm prompt.
  • Any guests arriving late may not be able to take part.

On arrival one of our friendly hosts will be waiting to register you.

When everyone has arrived the host will explain how the evening will unfold and the lucky chosen ones will be placed in your virtual date rooms for the duration of the event , with people visiting you throughout.

Make it Speedy!

The dates will last for 3 -4 minutes each (dependant on numbers)  the hosts will manage who goes where so no need to worry here.

Single Pringle Ready to Mingle

At the end of the event there will be a chance to mingle with everyone in a group networking session. So don’t worry if you forgot an infamous chat up line you can still test it out after the dates.

If you find the love of your life or maybe a few you’d like to meet again please make a note of their name. You can email the host at the end of the session to be linked up afterwards.

The event will aim to finish at around 9:30pm.

Tickets and Questions

Please be aware that tickets for our events are very limited and the majority do get booked up in advance. Please book early to avoid disappointment.

Tickets costs £5.98 and can be booked via this Eventbrite link.

If you have any queries or would like to discuss your access requirements please contact us.

Stay up to date with all our virtual events and news by joining us on Twitter @ETUKUndressing and Instagram @UndressingDisability #UndressingDisability #UDEvents

Discover more about Date In A Dash by visiting their website.

The Love Abilities Festival logo against a dark background with the dates 15th - 19th October 2020

The Love Abilities Virtual Sexuality and Disability Festival

By | Undressing Disability

Empowerment

We at Enhance the UK are super excited by the upcoming Love Abilities Festival.  The festival aims to change the belief that disabled people have no desire for love, sex, and intimacy. It aims to empower disabled people with the skills, knowledge and resources to lead the fullest lives possible. And for their caregivers, lovers and allies to help support or be part of their life.  This is a festival that’s right up our street!

Love Abilities

The Love Abilities Festival takes place over 5 days starting on the 15th of October.   There will be 29 sessions and 50 presenters spanning 6 countries.  There is something for everyone in the programme from ‘Sex, the Law, Disability Rights and Fun’ to a workshop on ‘The Art of Teasing’.  If you’ve signed up the sessions are available for 30 days after the event.

  Jennie Williams Presenter at Love Abilities Festival

Dating with Disabilities

Jennie & Emily from our team will be on the ‘Dating with Disabilities’ panel alongside Dr Richard Bruno and Michelle Donald.

And our resident Love Lounge sexpert and occupational therapist Katherine Sellors is on the BDSM panel.

Love Abilities Festival panellist Kat Sellors

Tickets

You can get your tickets and find more information on https://loveabilities.org/ We hope to see you then!

Have you joined our Undressing Disability Hub yet? It’s a free online space where anyone with an interest in the topic of sex and disability can share knowledge, information, ideas and experiences. Sign up today.

Find us on twitter and Instagram, search hashtag #UndressingDisability.

Launch of the Undressing Disability Hub

By | Undressing Disability | No Comments

We’ve been working on an exciting new project for quite a while now – our Undressing Disability Hub. The Hub is an online networking platform where anyone can sign up for a free membership and share experiences, ideas, awareness campaigns and educational resources around the topic of sex and disability.

Our Aim

We encourage you to sign up and make new connections. We hope that together we can make progress and positive changes within this field, and show that we all deserve access to sexual expression, sensuality and safe, fun and satisfying relationships.

Knowledge and Ideas

We hope that as a member you’ll use the space to shout loudly about the projects you’re working on, any ideas you have and encourage others to sign up and do the same. We’ll make more of a splash in furthering change when we work together, and the Hub – that we like to call ‘the sexy little sibling of LinkedIn’ – is here to help us all do just that!

Working Together 

What we do at Enhance the UK has collaboration and communication at its heart, as does the reason why our Undressing Disability campaign – and therefore our Hub – was set up in the first place.

Inclusive Sex Education

Over 10 years ago, our CEO, Jennie Williams, was working within the care sector and realised that, not only was sexual expression not being discussed or appearing on any care plans, disabled people weren’t being viewed as capable or deserving of sensuality or intimacy. Be this through masturbation or with a partner. Years later, relationships and sex education is nowhere near as inclusive as many of us would like it to be, and organisations are still caring for others without any policy or procedure relating to relationships and intimacy, as well as safeguarding for their staff on this issue. And, until this changes, there’s plenty of work for us to be getting on with.

In signing up to and using the Undressing Disability Hub, you may want to discuss the inclusivity of sex toys and equipment or get involved in academic studies relating to sex and disability. Or even just share personal and professional experiences that then lead to collaborative projects, exciting new campaigns and, ultimately, change.

Free E-Book to celebrate Hub launch

Oh, and did we mention that when you sign up, you’ll receive a free copy of our Undressing Disability e-book, too?

We are thrilled to have created something that encourages such useful conversation and can’t wait to see this platform – and more importantly, this topic – flourish. It undoubtedly deserves to.

SIGN UP TODAY.

Keep up to date with all our latest news, articles and campaigns by connecting with our Undressing Disability campaign on twitter and Instagram.

 

Kelly is pictured in her electric wheelchair with her son Mason and newborn Hunter. She is wearing a bright red adidas top, and is beaming at the camera

How having a PA changed my experience of parenthood

By | Undressing Disability

A guest blog by Kelly Perks-Bevington

I’m Kelly and am a disability awareness trainer for Enhance The UK, and I’ve got two little boys, Mason who is two and a half, and Hunter who is just seven weeks old. When I was invited to write this article about parenthood, I thought about it and there is no better piece that I could write than talking about my experience of parenthood this time using PA’s.

Wait and See

When I was having Mason, I really had no idea what to expect, and largely neither did the doctors. They said it was a “wait and see” situation, which of course is what every expectant mother wants to hear! It really was that! After thinking about a natural birth or a c-section and flip flopping between the two Mason decided himself that he wanted to be born at 38 weeks, and after getting to 10cm dilated and pushing, he decided again that he didn’t want to come out that way which meant that I was to have an emergency c-section under general anaesthetic.

In Control

The whole experience with Hunter from start to finish was completely different, I had control. I decided on a c-section at 37 weeks (to avoid him beating me to it!) and I decided also to try a spinal so that I could be awake for his birth. As I have scoliosis of the spine without rods or surgery it was pretty much a gamble as to whether the spinal would take, how far up it would go or whether it would be too low down. But I was determined to try it. I wanted to see my baby born, and I wanted it on my own terms. It worked after three pretty painful attempts.

It was really eye opening to actually figure out, along with the consultant where my spine actually was, and which nerves reacted to being prodded with a pretty giant needle!

Kelly holds her newborn son Hunter, she is wearing a leopard print top and has dark hair and blue eyes

The Spinal

The spinal was INSANE, it felt like warm pins and needles running through my lower body and the consultant said that despite my spine it was some of his best work – “the perfect spinal”! I felt in control, and when I heard my baby’s first cry I was in bits! Such a special moment.

Living with PA’s and having a baby

From the start of the journey with Hunter I had complete control and that has not changed at all now. I am in full control, thanks to my PA’s. I can get the assistance I need, and I am able to make ALL of my own parenting choices.

Throughout Mason’s early years I was reliant quite a lot on family and they were fab. However, family often make decisions on your behalf, not maliciously or to take over, but just because it is often easier for them to jump in for a feed, or to comfort the baby there and then rather than help with positioning etc.!

Don’t get wrong, I am so grateful for all of my family support with both kids, I couldn’t be without it! But a PA is literally there to assist you, not to do the job for you. Of course, my PA’s love baby cuddles too but it is all on my terms.

Because of my amazing team I’m able to take the time out I need to do everything I need to do. Whether it’s going for a quick wee (something so many moms don’t get to do, especially disabled ones!) or grabbing that much needed bath. It is amazing to be able to work to a schedule with support, rather than just frantically trying to do everything that needs doing.

The Importance of Self Care

With Mason, I ended up in hospital due to my lack of time for basic self-care, and it was serious. I ended up with sepsis and was hospitalized for a week. This time, I have someone who is there for me, making sure I drink enough, making sure I go to the toilet and making sure I am eating properly. I can’t explain how important that is. It would be amazing if all new moms had PA’s, disability or not because honestly the help is invaluable!

A selfie of Kelly and her two year old son Mason who is sitting in his car seat. Kelly has bright red lipstick on to matchher bright red adidas jacket.

Invaluable Support

Finding a care agency that can work with you and provide tailored support is also so important! My care company made sure I was part of the process from start to finish, recruiting my own PA’s and then they allow me to work on my own rotas, ensuring that I have the perfect PA for each task at hand!

It’s important to me that I have the control element just like anyone else.  The support I have had has literally changed and enhanced my life!

Enjoy all our latest articles, interviews and news by connecting with us on Instagram and twitter or search hashtag #UndressingDisability.

All images copyright Kelly Perks-Bevington.

 

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