When it comes to sex, there are plenty of different lubes, toys and accessories on the market. However, nothing beats a good old-fashioned massage after a long day to get you in the mood. Even if it doesn’t end in sex, it’s a great way to connect with your partner while you unwind. It might even help to alleviate some aches and pains too.

Adding a massage oil to the mix can be a great way to take your back rubs to the next level. Although, it’s worth noting that a lot of oils are not made to be used in the place of lubricant and are not the same thing. Similarly, a lot of products may not be condom or toy compatible so always be extra careful.

It’s hard to know where to start as there are so many options out there from CBD to scented to self-heating oils. Fear not, we’ve done the hard work for you so you can sit back and prepare to relax

Here are our three favourite oils:

Templespa Drift Away Massage Oil

Sometimes we all need to feel a bit fancy, this is where Drift Away comes in. It’s a luxurious oil which feels soft on the skin yet helps fingers to glide. The oil contains patchouli, lavender, geranium, frankincense, chamomile, myrrh, dill seed and orange, suspended in a lush base of sesame, jojoba and avocado oils, plus vitamin E.

The addition of patchouli may help to soothe skin conditions such as dermatitis, acne, or dry, cracked skin. Chamomile and geranium oils are thought to help with this. In massage oil, frankincense essential oils are often added to help soothe pain while helping inflammation.

Drift Away is not just a massage oil as it can also be used as a bath oil too so whatever way you prefer to use it – prepare to relax. A little goes a long way with this oil so you don’t need much to make a difference. The scent isn’t overpowering but it does linger on the skin which isn’t a bad thing as it’s quite a relaxing smell.

The bottle can feel a little heavy as its glass which means, if it falls, you will know about it. However, it’s a great shout for anyone who might be concerned about the amount of plastic. It’s also a screw top in comparison to a pump bottle so it might be trickier to navigate.

Great for: A good night in

Avoid if: You struggle with strong scents or nut allergies due to almond oil

Price: £26.00

Website: https://www.templespa.com/drift-away-bath-and-massage-oil

Rating: 4/5

Smilemakers Massage Oil: Wild Erotic Kneads

If heavier glass bottles are a bit tricker or like us, you worry about potentially dropping them then we have an alternative! The Smilemakers natural massage oils are not just a light, easy-to-open product but also a lighter, easy-to-use oil too. It spreads easily across the body without feeling sticky or tacky.

There are two in the collection for consideration called wild and slow. The two products may look similar but are very different in that slow is a lighter, floral scent whereas wild is a deeper, woodier and warming scent.

In trying both, slow was a clear favourite as it contained ylang-ylang, jojoba and sweet almond essential oils. The lighter scent isn’t over-powering and helps to release stress from the body. If you prefer something a bit spicer then wild might be a better choice in that it combines black pepper, rosemary and lavender for a dark, woodier scent. We did find that the scent did fade a bit after a while but nothing a quick top-up couldn’t fix. A little goes a long way with this reasonably priced vegan product.

Also, the packaging deserves a shout-out as it’s well designed to open easily, leak less and be lighter to lift. We also didn’t have to spend ages worrying about dropping it once our hands were a bit slippery!

Great for: Light and natural product

Avoid if: You struggle with strong scents or nut allergies due to almond oil

Price: £24.95 each

Website: https://smilemakerscollection.com/shop/wellness/wild-massage-oil/

Rating: 3.5/5

Absolute Aromas

There is no essential oil product that you could want that Absolute Aromas doesn’t sell. However, it’s their range of massage oils that deserves attention as there is an entire range where you can find the oil that suits your needs the best. Not only that, but you can also purchase different size bottles which are perfect if you fear being stuck with a big bottle if you don’t like the scent.

The Refresh massage oil is a good place to start and it’s another duo product as it doubles up as a bath oil too. Three drops should do the trick and it’s great for creating a relaxing evening. The uplifting scent has sweet orange, eucalyptus and spearmint in it along with lots of other essential oils which gave it a more natural smell that appear to last the longest out of any that we tried.

The formulas are super hydrating on the skin when used as either a massage or bath oil so it’s great for helping with dry skin conditions. We found it soothing on irritated eczema which may be down to the addition of vitamin E.

It is also worth keeping an eye on their mobility massage oil which contains ingredients such as evening primrose oil and black spruce to help soothe tired joints or muscles.

Great for: Essential oils and long-lasting scent

Avoid if: You struggle with strong scents

Price: £9.50 +

Website: https://www.absolute-aromas.com/product-category/premade-massage-oils/

Rating: 4.5/5

When it comes to loving our bodies, there are plenty of us who would describe our relationship status as ‘it’s complicated’. It’s not always the easiest to feel positive about ourselves or to recognise when we need to take care of ourselves.

It can be really disheartening when you are having a bad day which can make you feel negative about yourself. While the body positivity movement may have started with the best of intentions, it can be an extra pressure to always feel body confident. This might be even more difficult on days when you may be experiencing pain or discomfort.

There has been a shift to a more neutral form of acceptance – body neutrality. It helps to remove the pressure of constant acceptance which can feel unrealistic. Allowing us to accept ourselves the way we are. It can be a healthier approach as it encourages a more natural acceptance and, respect for what our bodies like more rest or giving in to that extra treat.

What does Body Neutrality mean to me?

Emily Rose Yates, Head of Accessibility, and Inclusive Design, Mima and Ade Adepitan, explains what body neutrality means to her and says that self-care can look different for each of us.

“It’s accepting that your body is a vessel, ultimately getting you from A to B. It helps you to complete your daily activities, but the vessel needs to be respected, cared for, and looked after. It doesn’t have to make you feel a certain way,” Emily said. “You don’t have to love yourself and the way you look, move or how your body works but you don’t have to feel negative or disgusted about it. You need to appreciate that it is there and part of your identity.”

Importance of practicing self-care

While body neutrality acceptance may sound easy, the practice can be a different story. It is essentially practicing good self-care where you listen to what your body needs. Accepting it by resting, taking time out or even staying home. Instead of going out to an event or meeting friends when you are

“It can be different for people depending on interests, abilities and backgrounds. For me, the difficult thing has been the need for rest and to understand that it can be productive – and that I don’t have to feel guilty about it,” Emily explained.

“It’s been a really important point of not feeling one way or another about my body but respecting its needs which is a huge part of self-care. Another element for me is having a creative outlet and learning when I need to do something other than sitting in front of my laptop.”

Fear of missing out – or FOMO – can make practicing self-care extra difficult. A glance at our phones when we are resting can remind us of all the fun we could be having. Friends, families, and carers can play a part in how we care for ourselves.

“As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that plans with people can change and that they can be flexible. You are not letting someone down or being awful by cancelling. Setting those boundaries, expectations and, acceptance with yourself but also having people around you who understand that” Emily said. “So that you are not having to constantly make up excuses because people understand the situation.”

Pushing ourselves to overwork, overproduce or be sociable when we don’t feel like it can have a negative effect on our physical health in the long term as it can lead to burnout. It can affect anxiety, exhaustion, and depression too. As can feeling a constant pressure to accept the way we look or fit a particular aesthetic.

“If we worry too much about the way our bodies look aesthetically and how that makes us feel then that can make us feel a certain way emotionally. On a minor scale, it can lead to unhappiness and wasted time when looking in a mirror,” Emily said. “On a major scale, it can lead to damage to the body, the mind and all these different things. The body is there to enable you to fulfil your potential as a person.”

Inclusion of disabled people in any movements

As with any movement, inclusivity is vital. However, concerns are still raised around inclusiveness of the body-positive movements. Especially when it comes to disabled bodies. Emily highlighted that there needs to be more visibility for all bodies including disabled people. “Disabled bodies need to be shown more, no matter what movement you are talking about. Representation of Deaf or disabled people, in general, is better than when I was growing up.”

“It’s’ definitely getting a lot better, but I think there is a long way to go.”

Dear PA’s,

Firstly, thank you. Thank you for choosing to do this job, allowing us to live our lives as independently as possible. Without you we may need to stay living with our parents as our carers or have to reside in a social care setting. All of which might hinder our personal development and freedom of choices.

I know how hard it can be looking after someone 24/7 for weeks at a time. It’s mentally, physically and emotionally taxing. You’re always thinking of someone else and following their lead in the choices of how the day will be structured.

Different disabilities present different challenges. Living with someone with dementia will be draining in a completely different way to living with a 20+ something with a physical disability but full cognition.

However, something has really troubled me. I have noticed it many times over the years but this summer, going to many events, it made me sad and angry. It’s the observation that disabled people with a PA can be very lonely and isolated DESPITE having someone at their side all the time.

For example, I was at a Fatboy Slim concert on Brighton beach this summer. The atmosphere was electric. It was almost like a spiritual experience of everyone being on the same page, enjoying the moment and being lost in the music. Apart from one PA looking after someone next to me on the accessible platform. She spent the whole concert looking at her phone, sat or stood next to her client. I assume he had some kind of brain injury; he could stand a little bit but was very shaky and non-verbal. He was taking photos of the spectacle, yet every photo was coming out blurred due to his shakes. Why didn’t his PA suggest taking one for him? Even better include him in it, to make a crisp, focused memory for him?

Maybe because she wasn’t noticing as she was on her phone. Maybe because it wasn’t important to her. Maybe because she just saw her role as being there if he needed a drink or a loo visit. Not thinking about what this concert meant to him. Or how he may want to share photos of where he’s been.

Another wheelchair user came up between me and this guy. She put her arms round him and shared her euphoria with him, dancing, and grinning. She did the same with me and it was really bonding. I will never forget the smile on his face and the way you could tell he was set alight by this engagement. He was SHARING the experience with someone.

This is what is so important. Engage with your client. Even if it’s something you’re not particularly interested in. Try and show interest, ask questions, dance with them, comment on the surroundings. We need to feel like we are sharing our experiences with someone, like you would a friend. It is not enough to just ‘be there’ for us, disengaged. It can feel so isolated and lonely. It can also affect self-esteem with the reinforcement of their social status as a ‘disabled person’ out with their ‘carer’. Human’s connecting, be it with a meeting of eyes, a touch on the shoulder, a smile, a joke about the surroundings, is vitally important for our soul.

Let’s take someone who is paid to analyse spreadsheets; now, they probably wouldn’t say it’s their favourite thing in life, but they must give their attention to it to get paid and keep their job. Care is more relaxed in the sense you can look at your phone and be in your room or take calls from friends and family all day but please don’t let that lead you down the path of thinking you don’t have to give your best to your client SOCIALLY and EMOTIONALLY. You may find you get even more reward out of your job.

I have so much experience of this myself, where a carer is with me but not mentally. They are on their phones, and just pushing my chair round a shop. I speak, don’t get a response or one that is vague, proving they are not listening to me. It’s soul destroying. I’ve had 16 years’ experience of this. A client may then behave badly to get attention or withdraw completely; what’s the point of talking if someone’s not willing to hear me and care about what I’m saying. Being truly understood and having your social needs met is a huge aspect of care. And for some people, you are the only relationship they have in their life.

Yes, you really are that important. Keep being the best you can be. And thank you again for choosing this job.

There are a lot of reasons why people might need a little helpful lube from time to time. This can include medical conditions, dehydration, stress, or different forms of birth control. If you are a person who menstruates then at different times in your cycle, or even menopause can make a difference. Lube can help to reduce friction, prevent injury, and make sex less painful.

When it comes to buying lubricants, there really is something out there for everyone. However, it can be really overwhelming to know which one will work for you. There can also be a bit of a stigma around lubricants but there is no reason to feel embarrassed if you need one.

Lubricants don’t need to be expensive either as there are plenty on the market that are reasonably priced. When shopping for a new lube or your first one, you do have to consider safety. Oil-based products can cause issues with different materials including latex or silicone, not all products are toy or condom safe. If you are using sex toys or condoms, then you will need a water-based product instead so it’s worth double-checking before you purchase. Ingredients or formulas may change over time too.

Here are our five favourites:

Naked Grapefruit. Just Lube

Just lube literally is exactly that. It’s a simple take on lubricant without the complex ingredients or fussy packaging. As a result, it’s an easy-to-use, straightforward product at a great price.

The small bottle is perfect for popping in a pocket or into a hand luggage bag ready for a flight. The pump design means it’s easy to top up when you need it to. While a little went a long way with this product, we did need a top-up from time to time with this.

The lack of scent was another bonus with this product as this can be really challenging for those with sensory issues. It may irritate sensitive skin or those with allergies too. Thanks to the colourful packaging and easy-to-read information – it makes a great first lube purchase.

The product is also glycerin-free which is useful for anyone struggling with yeast infections. Glycerin can be added to lubricants because it helps them to stay wet, but it helps yeast to grow in the body.

Just lube is water-based and is, therefore, condom and toy safe.

4/5

£9.99 https://nakedgrapefruit.com/product/just-lube/

Smilemakers Generous Gel

The texture of this generous gel makes it immediately different from the usual lubricants in that it feels thicker and less watery. Despite the thickness of the lubricant, it doesn’t interfere with any of the sensations during sex and it didn’t feel unnatural when applied to the skin.

In fact, the thicker consistency meant it was less messy than some of the other lubricants. This is great news when combining it with sex toys. We also found that it needed less topping up in comparison to the others. There was no artificial smell to the lube either which can be great for anyone who struggles with strong perfumed scents. The bottle was also very easy to navigate with a clear pump design and minimal packaging.

It is also made with only five ingredients including dipotassium glycyrrhizate. This natural ingredient comes from the liquorice root and may help to reduce inflammation. It may help with skin conditions or irritation that may occur during sex.

The PH-balanced and water-based formula is safe to use with sex toys or condoms.

5/5

£12.95 / https://www.boots.com/smile-makers-generous-gel-10271782

The Natural Love Company Simply Lube

This lubricant is a great option for anyone looking for a natural, cruelty-free, vegan alternative that contains no nasty additives or chemicals.

The product felt natural on the skin without being too sticky. The pump bottle is easy to use, and the lube doesn’t have a strong overpowering scent. We did find that it needed the occasional top up but that’s common with most water-based lubricants. It also contains aloe vera which can be soothing and calming on irritated skin.

It’s worth mentioning the eco-friendly bottle design, which is made from compostable, wheat-based plastic. The ingredients are also 99.2% natural including Forsythia Herb Extract and purified water. If you fancy a bit of a change or if aloe vera isn’t your thing, then the company also offer another version which has wild strawberry extract. Both lubricants are condom and toy-safe.

Overall, this is a well-thought-through product which could be a great addition to the bedside cabinet. It’s also, thanks to the lack of chemicals, a good choice for anyone with allergies or sensitive skin.

4/ 5

£14.95 https://www.thenaturallovecompany.com/shop/eco-friendly-sex-toys/sex-accessories/natural-lube-and-organic-lube/simply-lube-natural-aloe-vera/

Sh!

Pure Lube is a bit of a bestseller thanks to how long it lasts on the skin without needing a top-up.

Despite it being water-based, it isn’t overly watery but has a silky feeling without any overpowering scent.

It was also one of the best value for money since the bottle is huge at 250ml for just £12. A little goes a long way with this product so it is designed to last.

The vegan lube is great for combining with sex toys as it doesn’t need to be touched up. It was great to note that Sh! also does a range of thicknesses including Pure Plus which may struggle with dryness or anyone who might be using dilators for vaginismus.

The lube is water-based which means it’s condom and toy safe. We found it easy to wash off the skin afterwards which is a plus. The pump bottle means it can be used with one hand which is great considering the other might already be in use.

3/5

£12 https://www.sh-womenstore.com/lush-pure-lube-250ml.html

Hoo Raa Wake the Neighbours

CBD lube is fast becoming a popular addition to the market, and it can be difficult to know where to start if you fancy trying it out.

Hoo Raa is a great first try product as the bright packaging is colourful, playful and not ‘overly-hempy’ or scary. At £30 for 120ml, it’s not the most expensive CBD lubricant out there. It contains 240mg of CBD isolate.

CBD, a cannabinoid, which comes from the cannabis plant is not going to get you high, but it may help you to relax. It may also be a great choice for anyone struggling with sensitivity as CBD is thought to increase blood flow to the area. It has also been associated with reducing painful irritation.

We found that the lubricant felt natural on the skin but a little goes a long way, so we didn’t need a huge amount. It can be a little cloudy in appearance but thankfully it didn’t have the overly hemp-ish smell that some CBD oils can have. While it was hard to know about irritation, we felt a bit more relaxed during use which makes it a potentially great product for anyone with anxiety.

This product is not condom safe however nor is it safe for use with toys.

4/5

£30 https://www.wearehooraa.co.uk/product/wake-the-neighbors-uk/

While choosing a new sex toy can be really good fun, it can feel a little bit….repetitive after a while. When a new technology, style or shape is released, it’s not long before a lot of brands start to produce a copy of their own. This leaves our sex shops feeling a bit same old, same old when it comes to sex shopping.

There are some out there who are offering something new and exciting but how to find them?

Sex tech designers are listening when it comes to taking note of our needs and wants from our toys. There have been huge developments to inclusivity and access in design as well as the actual functions of the toys on offer. While there is a lot more to be done, there are some amazing toys out there that have been thought about what they have to offer.

We’ve created a list of the top five toys getting us excited for all the right reasons.

Putting the toys to the test

Some important things to note about the tester: they are a non-binary person with a vulva so the toys are chosen with this in mind. They are also neurodiverse so sound can be an issue for them.

Satisfyer. Elastic Game

Sex toys can be so incredibly gendered when they don’t need to be. As a non-binary person, it feels annoying to be ignored when all it takes is care with the wording and consideration of design.

Satisfyer has thought about this with their new toys which are described as ‘non-binary’. These two new releases are designed to be used by anyone. The Elastic Joy and Elastic Game are multi-use to the extreme in that they can be used in so many different ways.

The versatile toys can be bent, pulled or stretched into positions. This means it can hit the clitoris or G-spot, anal stimulation, prostate massage or even to stimulate the nipples. There are no ends to the uses you can get with this clever toy -even the box demonstrates several handy ways.

The toy can be pulled apart to create a ring too. With two motors on either end which can also be controlled separately, with seven rhythms and 3 intensities.

£44.95 https://www.satisfyer.com/uk/satisfyer-elastic-joy/

5/5

Love not War. The Heads Collection

The team at Love not War have created a very simple vibrator with a very simple concept – more orgasms, less waste.

It comes with a series of detachable heads which you can screw on (ahem) or off. The idea behind the vibe is that you only need to buy the base and charger once. Instead of ending up with several toys with multiple accessories and packaging. The toys are made from recycled body-safe materials too.

However, it’s the design of the heads that makes this stand out. It allows you to get creative with pressure so that if you prefer a firmer top (again ahem) then you can switch out that one. If you collect the set of five heads then you can mix it up depending on what you need at the time. This was a godsend for a neurodiverse tester working out what type of pressure they needed from a toy. In that it could be simply switched out.

The heads are all named after different words for love in various languages which is a nice touch. However, when it came to good vibes, the Amour and Kama attachments were head and shoulders above the rest.

5/5

Buy now: £69.99+ https://www.l-n-w.com/collections/heads

Lioness. Lioness 2.0

Okay so there is one downside to the Lioness, it isn’t available in the UK yet.

However, it’s one to note as it can offer a fantastic insight into the way our bodies….and our minds work together. We are counting down the days until it’s available in the UK.

On the face of it, the Lioness looks like an ordinary vibe. But it’s actually an impressive bit of technology. There are sensors at the side of the toy to measure pelvic floor movements and it feeds information to the app it pairs with to track your orgasm. It can tell you when your body changes, at what time and what intensity your orgasm is at.

The vibrator records this information over time too so you can see how your orgasm is getting better or if it’s getting worse. The goal of this is to help people understand their bodies better while improving relationships and helping aid experimentation.

It’s incredibly fun to watch how your orgasms change depending on circumstances. You can try different things to track how your body responds and you get an orgasm out of it. Science can be really good fun.

4.5/5

$229 https://lioness.io/products/the-lioness-vibrator

Satisfyer. Double Joy Partner Vibrator

The We-Vibe Double Joy is definitely one for the couple who enjoy a bit of tech and a fancier vibe. The C-shaped vibrator is matched to an app which can be used as a remote control.

It might sound like a lot of toys that are on the market but it was another feature that caught our attention, one that allows you to pair it to music. Maybe not be to everyone’s taste but as a neurodiverse tester, anything that allows us to cut back on the minor noises that set off our ADHD and put off our orgasm could be helpful.

Additionally, it can be partnered with a Spotify playlist to create an immersive experience. It’s a huge upgrade from the early days of toys like this that connected to iPhones using far too many wires. Not a lot of vibrators feature this but it’s a case of a small design detail that could make a big difference for someone.

The toy is designed to be worn internally with one end inserted and the other on the clitoris. C-shaped vibes can be a bit tricky to fit if you are relying on someone for help, but not impossible.  The vibe has 10 speeds or patterns that can be controlled on the toy through the app. You can also score some bonus speeds should you need to by using the app.

Double Joy is very carefully crafted with soft silicone which makes it easy to wear or adjust if you need to.

4/5

£44.95 https://www.ricky.com/products/satisfyer-double-joy-partner-vibrator

Self & More. Zumio X SpiroTip Clitoral Massager

The Zumio X Spirotip may look a little strange, but the unusual design is what makes it a game changer. It’s a super-powerful direct clitoral stimulator that isn’t shaped like most bullets. It has been designed to mimic precise fingering and uses a rotating motor rather than vibrations.

The toy offers eight powerful speeds which can, despite its size but thanks to clever design, be quite intense. It does have a little bit of noise to it which is completely understandable due to its intensity.

The tiny head of the Zumio may look a bit different but has won design awards and is easy to see why. It is a powerful toy that is a great choice for anyone looking for a firmer choice or an intense experience. The lightweight toy can be taken into the shower too as its waterproof.

The charger is another reason why this is a great purchase. It comes with a dock rather than an awkward cable or magnet charger which means a lot less fuss. But be warned, this toy sells out fast and currently has a waiting list so you need to get in there quickly.

4.5/5

£99 https://bodyjoys.co.uk/products/zumio-x-couples-stimulator

Read our top picks of quiet vibrators here