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Feb 25

Endometriosis

By Undressing Disability

Endometriosis is a disorder where the tissue that grows inside the uterus, also grows on the outside. This tissue behaves like endometrial tissue would and breaks down during each menstrual cycle. However, it has no way to exit the body which has painful effects including irritation, spasming, painful periods, and excessive bleeding.

 

Endometriosis and sex Woman holding a fruit in front of her vagina, she is wearing blue underwear.

Pelvic pain disorders such as endometriosis can have a huge impact on a person’s sex life.

Often people will find themselves choosing between avoiding sex and losing intimacy with a partner. Or having sex resulting in a lot of pain.

On top of this, medication taken for endometriosis can lead to a lack in sexual desire and fatigue. This results in the feeling of guilt due to someone being unable to fulfil their partners sexual needs.

 

Tips

We have collated some of our top tips you can implement with both your partner and on your own.

1)First of all, you should never feel like you need to have sex if it is painful. Feelings of guilt are normal but don’t allow it to pressure you into something you are not ready for.

2) Schedule sex. A common myth is that sex must be spontaneous for it to be sexy, but this isn’t the case. Planning sex allows you to consider your pain relief and prepare making it more enjoyable.

3) Intimacy doesn’t need to be sex. It can be hugging, kissing, spending alone time with your partner. For example, what is your partners love language? This is a great way to show your partner some love without being physically intimate.

4)Being open with your partner about how your pelvic pain affects you can bring you both closer together and help them understand your needs. Communication is key to a healthy relationship so get talking!

5)For some, acupuncture can help with vulva pain.

6)Pelvic massages can be a great way to relieve pelvic pain (which we have a great resource on!)

 

Resources

‘Wait, what? Pelvic massages exist!’Vinyl disk graphics with the text 'Epsidoe 7, Sensual massage w/ Jo Silby' ' Undressing Disability Podcast'

In this resource, Jo who is a massage therapist explains what sensual massages are and how they can help with pelvic pain. She also gives some tips for performing one yourself at home.

Where to access:

UndressingDisability Hub under the ‘therapy and counselling’ resources section.

Podcast: For those who prefer to listen, we also had Jo on our podcast!

 

Sex, Chronic Pain, and Fatigue

This resource explores the difficulties of dealing with chronic pain and fatigue whilst having a sexual relationship. Including our top tips for maintaining a healthy sex life.

Where to access:

UndressingDisability Hub under the ‘sex and intimacy tips’ resources section.

 

Top Tips for Self Treatment of Lichens Sclerosus, Vulvodynia and Endometriosis

Alex from ANA therapies, is a Women’s Health Physiotherapist also specialising in Visceral therapy.  She has put together a ‘Self Help’ guide for people struggling with pelvic pain.

Where to access:

UndressingDisability Hub under the tips for health professionals section

Socials

Make sure to follow our socials where we will be collaborating with other people who have experience with vulva pain, experts in the field, and providing further support.

Instagram

Twitter  

 

Feb 07
Mel and Steve smiling to the camera

Isolation and Loneliness

By Undressing Disability

Isolation is something that can affect anyone at anytime. As part of Enhance the UK’s Loneliness campaign Mel and Steve from Spokz People share how Isolation during the pandemic affected them.  They also introduce the wellbeing programme they have developed.

 

Addressing Isolation and Covid-19 

For many of us, Covid-19 has added to our isolation and loneliness. It has created challenges around finding and keeping PA support and struggling to obtain bare necessities, equipment and services.

Some of us hoped that the experience of lockdown would help others empathise with us more, but this hasn’t been the case. With so many returning to ‘normal’ many of us feel despondent and resigned. Not wanting to get out there and find new relationships. Covid-19 has been traumatic for many of us. Hunkering down at home is usually the safest place to be. But it comes at a cost.

Isolation is a killer. It increases the risk of death by 29%. It carries the same risk of death as obesity or smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

That’s quite some statement. Isolation is something we need to take seriously, especially if it is long term.

Mel and Steve, who run Spokz and Spokz People, have experienced isolation since they have been virtually shielding since March 2020.

“We went without our PA for many months because our PA was unable to maintain distance from those in their circle. We are experiencing burnout and fatigue from juggling 2 businesses. With sporadic PA support, home schooling and the added time and work involved in reducing the risk of Covid-19 entering our home.

In March 2021, we decided we had to take more risks when it became apparent the lack of socialising was affecting our young daughter. Now we meet people outside, but this is challenging in winter.”

 

Wellbeing programme

To support disabled people and their families in isolation, they launched a new online wellbeing community. This programme focusses entirely on reducing isolation and improving wellbeing when living with disability.

The community consists of a forum, chat room, regular live events and Q&As, and videos from disabled people. Including The Last Leg presenter Alex Brooker, disability advocate and Gogglebox star Simon Minty, and disabled influencer and Co-founder of Disability Horizons Martyn Sibley.

Mel is a qualified disability therapist and Steve a mentor. Together they developed a wellbeing programme which provides interactive resources and reflective exercises. Enabling people to work with a peer to improve their mental health and wellbeing. It includes information and tool kits on how to improve self-esteem, build resilience, and manage the many challenging situations being disabled brings.

The new platform aims to remove the many barriers to counselling and mental health services for disabled people. Including access to buildings and resources, the cost of support and the lack of therapist who understand disability.

As many Enhance the UK members know, having a partner who is shielding with you, or who ‘gets’ your concerns about Covid-19, creates a much-needed wellbeing buffer. If you are single, or if your partner just doesn’t ‘get it’, this new platform could be a great source of support for you.

We are continuously adding new content with information and resources on the topic ‘Loving Me’ and ‘Loving others’. Offering additional relationship support alongside Enhance the UK’s. Meeting other people who live with disability in our community is a great way to connect with likeminded people. Including those interested in improving their communication and ability to not be silenced. Finding people we can be ourselves with is vital in maintaining our self-esteem and wellbeing.

Having people around you who don’t fully understand disability can leave us feeling unheard and lonely. Emotions get bottled up and stuck, damaging us physically and mentally in the long-term. This is the cost of isolation that both Spokz People and Enhance are hoping to help address.

 

Get in touch

Visit www.spokzpeople.org.uk/register/ to find out more. We are friendly bunch, feel free to contact us with any questions you have before signing up.

There is an early bird launch price of £150 a year for the first 50 members (use coupon code spokzcommunity25off) and you can pay in 3 instalments. We also just got lottery funding so we now offer a sliding scale of reduced fees for those on incomes under £20,000. We look forward to connecting with you.

 

Spokz People Transforming disability

Dec 15
A graphic of a group of people gathered with music playing, in the forefront a figure stands alone, waving hello

Lonely In A Crowded Room #DisabilityAndLoneliness

By Undressing Disability

Our latest awareness campaign highlights that loneliness is a major issue for many disabled people.

What may not be obvious to everyone is that even in a room of friends and family, people can still feel isolated and alone.

Jennie Williams, CEO of Enhance The UK writes about everyday situations that can be isolating when you are Deaf or have a hearing impairment.

Jennie has long caramel coloured hair, brown eyes and wears red lipstick

When you’re Deaf or have a hearing impairment like me, there are some situations that can feel daunting and a bit stressful. Family gatherings and social get togethers being a prime example.

You see, in a noisy restaurant with background music, or even at home with lots of people talking at once, it can be really difficult to engage in conversation.

Picture the scene. Auntie Mary is sitting to my left reminiscing about when she met Uncle Freddie. My cousin John is chatting across the table to my sister about his new job. My daughter is tugging at my sleeve with a question and the dog is barking in the background. As a hearing person you might find this experience loud and distracting. Imagine how that feels when you’re trying to tune in to one voice at a time.

The thing that most people don’t grasp is that when a D/deaf person puts on their hearing aid or cochlear implant it’s not like wearing a pair of glasses. There isn’t sudden clarity. My hearing aids pick up ALL of the sounds around me whether I want them to or not. It takes time for my brain to adapt and work out sounds and that can be very tiring. Add into this reality the challenge of trying to lipread someone with a big bushy beard, or poor lighting and it’s completely exhausting.

What’s important to remember is that Communication is a 50-50 thing. We’ve all got a part to play. It shouldn’t just be the deaf person, always trying to ‘hear’ everything that’s being said. The statistics show that 1 in 6 people in the UK have a hearing impairment so it’s highly likely someone you know can relate to feeling excluded from the conversation. This barrier can lead to a disconnect and that’s where loneliness kicks in.

So what can people do to make social gatherings more accessible?

Well if you’re a hearing person you could start by asking what a D/deaf person’s access needs are. What would make the environment more comfortable and accessible? Examples are:

  1. Turning down background music
  2. Asking the restaurant for a quiet table
  3. Asking where the best place for you to sit is, so they can lip read you

If you’re the one with the hearing impairment then you could consider educating people by being open about what your own access needs are. Hearing loss is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. It happens to the best of us, myself included, and I’ve found being honest about it helpful.

If a hearing person suggests you should wear a hearing aid because it would make life easier for THEM to be able to communicate with you, that’s not the reason you should wear one. It’s a decision only you can make if and when you’re ready to.

Stay Connected

Follow our disability and loneliness campaign by searching the hashtag #DisabilityAndLoneliness. Join us on twitter @ETUKUndressing and on Instagram @UndressingDisability.

Dec 15
A graphic of a pink and white chalked hand reaching out to each other

Combatting Loneliness – Helpful Links

By Undressing Disability

If you’re following our Disability and Loneliness campaign, you’ll have seen our survey results which highlighted that:

  • 47% of those surveyed said they felt lonely frequently
  • 12% stated they always experienced loneliness
  • Only 20% had spoken with their GP, caregiver or therapist in relation to the impact loneliness was having on their wellbeing
  •  48% turning to friends and family for support.
  •  9.7% feel they had no-one to help and 41% replied ‘Maybe’ when asked if they had a support network to turn to
  • 38% believed that disabled people are the group that loneliness impacts the most
  • 32% believing that it was the over 50’s demographic most likely to feel lonely

Throughout our campaign we will add useful links and resources to this page. In the meantime follow the hashtag #DisabilityAndLoneliness and visit the links below.

The Love Lounge

If you’re feeling lonely following a relationship breakdown or would like to start dating but are worried about rejection or disclosing your disability read the articles below. You can also write into our Love Lounge for advice from our resident sexperts.

Disability, Sex, Virginity and Safety 

Finding the Confidence to Date Again

Dating and Living with Friedreich’s Ataxia 

Why do attraction sparks never go anywhere for me?

How to Become a More Confident Dater

Rejection, Dating and Disclosing Disability

Professional Support and Helplines

You might also find it helpful to visit the following websites or to call their helpline if you need someone to talk to. Please don’t struggle alone, there is help available and it’s always good to talk.

CALM – Campaign Against Living Miserably

MIND – The Mental Health Charity 

SAMARITANS 

WAVELENGTH – Fighting Loneliness

MARMALADE TRUST – Loneliness Charity 

UNDRESSING DISABILITY HUB – our free hub is a network for anyone interested in, or working in the field of sex and disability. Searching through the members there will highlight counsellors and therapists should you want to find professional help.

Stay Connected

Follow #DisabilityAndLoneliness hashtag and join the discussion around our campaign on twitter @ETUKUndressing and on Instagram @UndressingDisability.

Nov 29
Charlotte Faragher smiles for the camera. She has long dark hair, a white top with blue stripes

Loneliness – A Semi-Paranoid Perspective

By Disability, Undressing Disability

This guest article is written by Charlotte Faragher, a disability rights writer from Oldham. Charlotte, who has had quadriplegic cerebral palsy since birth, has published many articles about disabled dating and intimate relationships.

Loneliness is something that will affect us all at some point in our lives. It is sadly true that irrespective of personal circumstance many of us will have had to tackle this issue with unflinching realism, thanks to Covid 19 and everything that has brought. Yet, I believe there are a particular set of negative voices and presumptions to battle daily if you are a disabled young person in today’s society, as I am.

Charlotte wears a red top, has long dark brown hair and a big smile

One of these facets is having to accept what my future may look like, especially as my parents are currently my main care givers. In the years ahead, without a partner or close friend to take over that role, it is most likely I would have to be placed under the permanent care of the local authority. This personally fills me with deep shame, and I have no doubt it would have a severe negative impact on my physical and mental state, thus exacerbating my feelings of loneliness.

I think in this way because it gives the impression that my disability and all its complex components are just too multifaceted and tiring for someone to handle permanently. Additionally, if I were placed in a care home or supported living at a relatively young age, I would have extra time to stew over the lack of significant life experiences I’ve had. Life experiences that would be hampered further by the reduced freedom to do as I please, when I want.

Although I understand that I can greatly reduce the stress felt by my loved ones by being a positive, thankful light in their lives, it does not mean that the enormity of caring for me will magically reduce as a result.

Romantic Relationships

Furthermore, if I were in a romantic relationship there would inevitably be times when a partner would want to lean on me for support. I worry I would not be able to help them through as effectively as I would like. This could lead to us both feeling more isolated and lonelier.

Friendships

When it comes to friendships, I often struggle to make friends or feel genuinely comfortable in a friendship group for two reasons.

1. I worry that the people I want to befriend won’t fully understand or respect the reality of my disability. I am almost fully competent, educationally and emotionally, yet struggle to do many physical activities that others may take for granted. I also think that people will see me as less intelligent and socially aware simply because of my differences.

2. I feel that when going out with friends, they have to put up with extra inconveniences such as things taking longer due to my care needs, or choice of venues being limited due to poor access.

Paranoid Thinking?

I often wonder if my friends enjoy the experiences less, simply because I am there. Are their assurances that they are unbothered by these changes to their normal night out genuine? Is it better to be lonely than experience friendship induced paranoia?

To summarise, I am aware that one way to reduce my paranoia and feelings of loneliness is to try to remember that I am an awesome, valuable person who has just as much right to a rich and beautiful life as anyone else.

Indeed, friendships are a key element to humans not just surviving but thriving. I also could get out and socialize more and stop assuming that everyone has negative and apprehensive feelings towards me and my disability. It could, in fact, enhance our relationships.

If people were more open and outwardly accepting of others with differences, it would allow me to feel more loved and valued in the body I have, just as I am. So let’s work together!

Follow Our Loneliness Campaign

This article by Charlotte Faragher is part of Enhance The UK’s disability and loneliness camaign. For tips on overcoming loneliness and for more insightful articles search the hashtag #DisabilityAndLoneliness and follow our campaign. We’re @ETUKUndressing on twitter and on Instagram @UndressingDisability.

More from Charlotte

If you enjoyed this article by Charlotte you can read more from her in this article about romantic relationships. You can also connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.

Nov 29
a black and white image with half a face peeking through a black curtain

Disability And Loneliness – Survey & Campaign By Enhance The UK

By Undressing Disability

It’s time to talk openly about loneliness and disability and the impact it has on an individual’s emotional, mental, and physical wellbeing.

 

In the last 20 months our charity, Enhance The UK has seen a significant spike in the volume of emails we receive from disabled people about how lonely and cut off from society they feel. Concerned by this worrying trend we knew it was time for action and our loneliness campaign aims to share insight, information, and potential solutions for disabled people who feel isolated and alone.

 Survey and Statistics

We invited disabled people living in the UK to complete a survey asking about their personal experience of loneliness. The results highlighted that of those surveyed

  •   47% said they felt lonely frequently and 12% stated they always experienced loneliness
  •   20% had spoken with their GP, caregiver or therapist in relation to the impact loneliness was having on their wellbeing, with 48% turning to friends and family for support.
  •   9.7% feel they had no-one to help and 41% replied ‘Maybe’ when asked if they had a support network to turn to
  •   38% believe that disabled people are the group that loneliness impacts the most, followed by 32% thinking it was the over 50’s demographic most likely to feel lonely.

When asked what could be done to help disabled people feel less alone the results showed that:

  •   45% believed that the need for personal contact, a hug or intimacy would be hugely beneficial
  •   38% recommended 1 to 1 time with a friend
  •   6% opted for attending organised group events with comments being the importance of a connection to the disabled community playing a positive role in feeling less isolated.

Campaign Aims

Our campaign aims to:

  •       Highlight what the different types of loneliness are
  •   Dispel myths about whom loneliness affects
  •   Have open and frank conversations about how loneliness can affect disabled people
  •   Offer valuable insight and potential solutions to help individuals feel more connected and less alone
  •       Signpost people to organisations who can help

Valuable Insight and Information

Over the coming weeks we’ll be sharing information to help disabled people (and their family and carers) find potential solutions to loneliness. Our team members, who all have a disability themselves, have researched and created the following insights:

  1.     Top Tips – what you can do to feel less isolated and more connected
  2.     Personal Stories – what it’s like to date when you have a carer
  3.     Where to find support – we’ll be signposting you to specialist organisations
  4.     Loneliness and Paranoia – A guest post by Charlotte Faragher
  5.     Undressing Disability Podcast –  Kelly Gordon and Jennie Williams discuss loneliness and dating
  6.     A resource about how to spot loneliness and tips for helping

 

Follow the Campaign

Follow our campaign by searching the hashtag #DisabilityAndLoneliness and join the conversation by connecting with us on Twitter @ETUKUndressing and on Instagram @UndressingDisability

Nov 12
A graphic of a man showering with a thought bubble that say SEX, behind him are two carers

Disability, Sexual Expression and the Privilege of Privacy

By Disability, Undressing Disability

Let’s take a look at the realities many disabled people face around sexual expression and intimate relationships.

This article is written by Zoe Lloyd, a counsellor and disabled woman who has live-in PA’s. It is intended to provide insight for:

  • care home workers
  • carers and personal assistants
  • occupational therapists and physiotherapists
  • those working and supporting disabled people to enjoy every aspect of a fulfilling adult life.

Question

To give an insight, let’s start with a few questions to help set the scene.

  •  What do you do to prepare for a date or a naughty weekend away?
  •  Do you need help with intimate personal grooming such as hair removal or applying body lotion to make you feel and look your best?
  • Who do you tell when you’re planning to have sex?
  • Who helps you to open the packaging on your new sexy lingerie or sex toy?

Privacy

We’re guessing many of you get ready for a hot date in private and don’t have to tell anyone else what you’re up to. Some of us will not have that freedom of privacy and will rely on a carer/PA to help us get ready for some intimate fun.
This could be requiring help to shave ‘down there’ or packing sexy underwear and sex toys into a case…. someone knows what your plans are!
Many disabled people live their lives in this way, without the privilege of privacy.

a graphic of a male showering with two carers in the background and thought bubble that reads SEX coming from his head

Embarrassment and Anxiety

All of these scenarios where someone is left feeling quite exposed by their lack of privacy, can lead to a constant underlying hum of embarrassment and anxiety.

No matter how much you may laugh it off or pretend you’re confident, having no privacy affects you.

Other people don’t need to have someone involved in these processes unless they choose to share. That’s the key – our lack of choice. If we need to pack a case for a sexy weekend, and can’t physically do it ourselves, then someone else will always know what you’re taking and what you’re planning. Therefore, we either deal with that, or we would have to deny the sexual part of ourselves forever. All just to save some embarrassment. Disabled sexuality should not be a taboo topic, whether that be in residential care homes, in PA/client relationships, or wider society.

Disclosure to a PA/Carer

Another point to consider is which carer/PA would you feel comfortable involving in this intimate side of your life? Disabled people can have several carers all of whom come with their own personal set of beliefs and embarrassment levels which can cause more barriers.

Imagine planning your sex life around the days a specific carer –the most approachable one– is working? This is a perfect example of the lack of spontaneity many disabled people face. It’s great when you’ve created a relationship with your carer where you feel happy to disclose these details. However many people don’t get that luxury.

Plus there’s having the confidence in yourself to ‘own’ your sexuality and not be concerned about someone else knowing your private life. Finding this secure place within yourself can be a lengthy process. Yes, you’ll see Instagram influencers who appear very comfortable with their sexuality, naturally that’s why they’re in the public eye! They provide a voice for those without the confidence. Unfortunately many people feel trapped,  still too ashamed to share their sexual desires with their carer. Resulting in their carer not knowing how to help facilitate access to their wishes.

Starting the Conversation

How can carers and care giving professionals improve this situation?

  1. Tell your client know you are open to having this kind of conversation. Take the awkwardness away before it gets to that point. For example you could say, ‘I’m here to support you in whatever way I can. I’m happy to talk or help you with anything – even if it’s sex stuff! I know it can be embarrassing, so I’m letting you know you don’t have to feel embarrassed with me’.
  2. If it feels appropriate, share a story of your own, so they don’t feel there’s such an imbalance of having privacy exposed.
  3. Depending on your work environment, have literature or symbols (say Pride colours for example) visible. This way the client knows that the PA/Carer or organisation is a safe setting of acceptance. These items can be used as a prompt for a conversation starter.
  4. Judging each situation differently. You may be able to suggest, in a light-hearted manner, ‘oh are you going to take some sexy underwear?’, or ‘bet you’re going to get all spruced up – want me to help?’ This breaks the barrier for them and the client can then say yes or no more easily.

 

Sexual Expression Training

Enhance The UK runs two fantastic training courses on sexual expression, the first of their kind in the UK. The courses are designed to support residential care home workers and those working in the field to better understand disability sexuality and an individual’s right to sexual expression. Learn more via the links below or get in touch to enquire about available dates.

Disability and Sexual Expression Training

Sexuality, Sexual Expression and Relationships Training for Care Providers

 

 

Sep 29
The words 'Breaking News' written in a tv news format against a yellow background

News: Enhance The UK launch Ground Breaking Disability And Sexual Expression Training

By Disability, Undressing Disability

In what is believed to be a first for the UK, disability awareness charity Enhance The UK has developed a new training programme on the topic of Disability and Sexual Expression.

Aimed at professionals working in caregiving roles such as occupational therapists, care home staff and physiotherapists the course tackles the subject of disability and sexual expression.

Jennie Williams, CEO of Enhance The UK (ETUK) said “Our training programme is for occupational therapists, physios, sex educators, teachers and anyone who works with disabled people. It is designed to build confidence and develop communication skills so that the current barriers around sex and disability can be removed and open conversations about sexual expression can take place with a person in their care.”

Jennie wears a patterned swirly dress, has long blonde hair and dark framed glasses with pink lipstick
ETUK highlight that the training is necessary because sex and disability is still a taboo subject, and even in a medical environment there are barriers due to a professional’s personal level of embarrassment or awkwardness around the topic.

The following scenario puts this in context. A man in his 30s has been in a traffic accident and has acquired a spinal cord injury. His life has changed dramatically and whilst he’s receiving support for his physical and mental health, he’s unsure who to ask about his sex life. A lack of intimacy is causing issues in his marriage and impacting his self esteem.

CEO Jennie Williams explains “Everyone has a right to sexual expression and it’s wrong to assume that disabled people aren’t sexual beings with the same need for intimacy, exploration and expression. Yet in a professional capacity it can be a tricky subject to approach when your employer has no policy in place, or you feel uncomfortable or embarrassed chatting about sexual wellbeing with a patient. Our training course will build confidence and develop communication skills thus enabling open conversations which support the needs of both patients and caregivers. ”

Jennie adds “We have delivered this unique training course to an NHS Trust and to care home staff and the feedback is extremely positive. It’s obvious there is a need for this course for professionals. Our goal as a charity is to change the way society views disability and to raise standards in sexual health and sexual awareness for disabled people. We are delighted to be able to support both professionals and the disabled community with our work.”

Learn more about our Disability and Sexual Expression training by contacting us directly. You can also watch this video and learn the details of the 3.5hours course.

 

Sep 10
A group of young people, at the front are a young couple holding hands one of whom is a wheelchair user

Disability Inclusive Sex Education

By Sex & disability, Undressing Disability

Tips for teachers to create disability inclusive sex education.

When delivering sex education, it is important that everyone can access the session equally and feel that the content speaks to them personally. All sessions should be inclusive, regardless of whether it is known that there is a disabled person or child partaking in the lesson. Here are a few factors to consider to ensure lessons are as inclusive as possible.

Representation

It is crucial that each student feels represented by the content. Often, resources show diversity in terms of race, age, weight, and gender but disabled children can often feel left out. They do not see anyone that is like them included in the sex education material. This feeds into the stigma around sex and disability. With a subtle change of focus in education, showing a disabled person in the images for example, the recognition that disabled people want and indeed do have sex and intimate relationships can become the standard view in our society.

This representation can be valuable for both sides:

• the disabled person to no longer feel that sex and relationship probably aren’t for them, as it’s not talked about with their situation being characterised.
• Other pupils seeing inclusive sex education can help stop perpetuating the notion that they couldn’t or shouldn’t have a relationship with a disabled person.

Accessible Resources

Not everyone will be able to access the lesson material in the same way. When planning your sessions ensure you have differentiated resources. There are some examples of adjustments you can implement:
• Ensure all videos are subtitled. This is useful practice at any time and for anyone, not just if you know of a deaf/hard of hearing pupil.
• Interactive games/exercises – think about whether these are accessible. Sometimes a small adjustment like a large dice or putting people in groups so they can work together and support each other can make a big difference.
• Providing large print worksheets
These should all be offered as standard, in any lesson.

Be Pupil-Led

You will have worked hard on your lesson plan, but you’ll be writing from your frame of reference. It is useful to be open to suggestions or concerns from pupils. Allow space for them to offer their thoughts and raise points that are meaningful for them. Then listen and respond to those points. It may not fit the direction of your lesson plan, but it could be what is needed by them and where the real learning could happen.

Range of Learning Styles

Ensure each session is delivered in a range of learning styles, so that each pupil gets a chance to learn in the way that works best for them.
Think about Visual, aural, verbal (reading/writing) and kinesthetic ways of learning and share the material in:
• Videos/Images
• Group Discussion
• Activities
If an activity is tricky for someone to do, then ask if there’s a way they think they may like to try it, or check if they’re ok watching someone else do it. For example, someone with poor dexterity may struggle with putting a condom on the demonstrator. They can still learn the right way by watching a peer do it. Also, this could develop into a discussion point for how people would overcome feeling awkward doing this for the first time with a partner if someone struggled.
There is always learning to be had from every situation if the session allows the freedom for discussion.
If every lesson is delivered catering for the different learning styles, then you are already halfway there to being fully inclusive!

Learn More

Keen to make your sex and relationships education lessons inclusive? Then check out our Disability and Sexual Expression training

Contact us directly or you can also follow our Undressing Disability campaign on Instagram and twitter.  #UndressingDisability

 

Sep 08
blurry gold sparkles

Sex and Bodily Fluids

By Sex & disability, The Love Lounge

The Question

Dear Love Lounge,

I’ve got a question about sex and bodily fluids. I’m in a new relationship with a wonderful woman who uses a catheter and a stoma bag. She has a spinal injury. We haven’t yet had sex but have had very small discussions about it.  She says everything will be ok, and she’ll handle it.  But it’s something I’ve never come across before and would like to know more about it before we do the deed. I feel quite nervous about sex and bodily fluids.

Can you help as I don’t want to ask my girlfriend the little details as she doesn’t seem that keen to talk in depth about it – she says it makes her feel unsexy.

Thanks,

Luke

 

The Answer

Hi Luke,

I can totally understand your trepidation around the area.  As it’s a new relationship your girlfriend may not want to risk losing the ‘spark’ by bombarding you with medical details.  Hopefully once you decide to become more intimate, and she sees you’re not put off by it, the pathways of detailed communication will open up.

And it will probably need to, so that you’re aware of what it’s like for her and to be aware of what might happen.  Sex and bodily fluids, when using a catheter and stoma bag can be a concern if you’re new to it.  I have asked for some advice from our friends at the Spinal Injuries Association to let you know what to expect.

 

Catheters

Your girlfriend will have either a suprapubic catheter (a catheter inserted through the abdomen into the bladder) or a urethral catheter. With a suprapubic, it can be taped to the abdomen to prevent it getting in the way.  It can be drained beforehand and then a spigot or catheter valve can be attached to reduce the amount of tubing. This means you can do away with the drainage bag, so it’s more discreet whilst you’re being intimate.

With a urethral catheter, it can be carefully taped away from the genitals, on the leg or abdomen, allowing some slack to avoid causing trauma.  You’ll need to be mindful of your movement in having sex with a urethral catheter; but it should all be ok if taped securely.  It could be dislodged if accidentally pulled, so be careful!  As the urethra is so close to the vagina, both of you may be aware of the catheter rubbing against your skin.  Again, this shouldn’t be a problem but just something to be aware of.

 

Stomas

With a stoma, the bag collects the waste and this can happen at any time during the day or night.  Your partner may want to empty her bowel before you get down to business.  This can be done with suppositories or an irrigation system (water is flushed through the bowel via the rectum, and it flushes out the stool, to clear the lower part of the bowel).  Then, a cap is placed over the stoma so that the bag is not needed while you have sex.   For peace of mind about any leakages with sex and bodily fluids, it may be wise to use a mattress protector anyway.

Hopefully this information will ease your worries, now you know what to expect.  Perhaps opening the dialogue with your partner, with your new-found understanding, will allay her fears of the situation not seeming sexy.  Showing her you’re at ease with it and want to make her feel as comfortable as possible too, should lead to you both having an enjoyable, happy sex life.

Have fun!

Zoe x

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