Exotic Freak, Incapable of participation in every day life and Un- sexual these terms define me, well at least according to my A – level media teacher.

I on the other hand would describe myself as an active wheelchair user turned activist who is the founder and co director of The Disability Campaign. Alongside this I am studying music, theatre and entertainment management at the number one arts university in the UK and manage and consult for international artists and millionaires.

But how is the rest of the world meant to see the strong, independent women I am if the mainstream media and even our education systems do not reflect the ability largest minority group in the world the incapable, un – sexual exotic freaks or to be politically correct and quite frankly a decent human being the 11 million people in the UK alone with a mental illness and or a physical or learning disability/difference.

And if we were to bring in the social model of disability which states ‘People with impairments are disabled by the fact that they are excluded from … mainstream of society as a result of physical, organisational and attitudinal barriers’ then we are basically talking about the entire human race. The entire human race that are being brainwashed into thinking perfection exists when the truth is we all have different interests, preferences and abilities that make us who we are.

Think about it, when was the last time you felt represented in a piece of media ? Since I am probably the least sporty person on the planet Paralympians are off limits and so my next reference point in The Undatables on channel 4 and I most definitely am not undatable.

This brings me to the title of this piece ‘roll models’ and yes this play on words might seem like it only applies to wheelchair users like myself but if we apply it the broader context I want to use my
weekly column within Liability magazine to provide a platform for the real role or ‘roll’ models of the world.

Here I am, 20 years old laying on my bed, with the blankets and my medical pillow comforting me. Heavy painkillers at the table next to me, and my walker waiting for me to get up. I’m staring at my laptop screen hoping that I read it wrong, that it was a mistake.

Eleven years old, ginger hair, freckles, braces and being insecure made me the ultimate doormat
of middle school. When the call for getting vaccinated for cervical cancer came the girls in my class weren’t excited at all.

I remember them shouting “It’s not being studied enough”, “only dumb girls go to get vaccinated”.
As always I muted the sound of their commanding voices and went home. My mom explained to me what cervical cancer means and we decided together that I would get the vaccination.

A big building, often used for several events where people go to for fun and to spend their money was turned into a clinic for thousands of young girls. Inside there were rows and rows with fences and at the end of every row stood a small table, with a nurse in blue ready to vaccinate girl after girl at a high tempo. There I stood at the back of the line, holding my father’s hand while girls were passing out and others heavily cried.

“Go sit down and be brave, it’ll be over before you know it” my dad said in his loveliest voice.
I sat down on the chair, looked at all the hundreds of girls still waiting in line.
I closed my eyes and didn’t move a muscle.

After that we went home, just like the other two times. After the second time getting vaccinated, I felt how my body started to change. I was more tired, my muscles weakened and I experienced pain on a daily basis. It was very difficult for me to get out of bed and go to school.
We blamed it on the weather, my period and stress. There was never a doubt in our mind that we made the wrong decision.

Today my mom sent me an article about thousands of girls who were vaccinated with the HPV vaccine, the Human Papilloma Virus vaccine.

In England alone, 8228 girls experienced side effects due to the HPV vaccine and only 2587 were seen as serious.

In reality there are many more cases, just like mine who didn’t blamed it on the vaccine and just moved on while thinking that their bodies failed.

In the article there’s a reference to dr. Manuel Martinez- Lavin, who specializes in chronic pain treatment. He wrote that doctors should be aware of the possibility that the HPV vaccine and illnesses such as POTS or Fibromyalgia could be related.

Fibromyalgia, the illness I was diagnosed with last year, the illness that changed my life.

After the vaccinations my health seem to worsen. I used to love to play outside, go to school, ride my bike and just being young. I had to stop my education and my hobbies. Time passed by and I couldn’t even do the things I love and was slowly losing my independence. Now here we are. There are days I’m bedbound to the pain and the fatigue, unable to get up on my own. Due to the health care system in the Netherlands my girlfriend is forced to be my caretaker.

In a couple of months I’ll get my wheelchair and I’ll be able to do the things I love again.

Please share my story.

I know there are a lot more girls out there who are suffering similar side-effects as mine due to the vaccine and I hope that this article will shine a light on the situation.
Hopefully together we’ll be able to find answers and justice for us all.

My name is Naomi.
They say that I was born in the Netherlands, but if you ask me, I’m not.
I never had the feeling of being home, not even in the house that they called my home.
For years I struggled to find it, but I failed every time.
I ran away multiple times and lost more then I expected.

After all that, I realized.

I was simply born in my body.

In my childhood days I had to ignore and endure the pain my body felt on a daily basis.

Stop whining, just carry on and stop clowning around.

I always had to remember, that my mom was the one with chronicle pain and not me.
It were the days that her thoughts and pain were leading my life and I was only seeking attention.

I remember myself sitting in my room, with my strawberry blond hair wrapped up in pig tails,
freckles all over my face and braces.

It was my safe haven in a house where I didn’t belong.
I had the feeling that my room had the power to protect me, nothing bad ever had happened in there,
till the day that I was behind my computer searching for friends to talk to, after a big fight with my brother.

My brother intervened a quarrel between my mother and I, something he always did.

He told me I had to stop asking my mother for help, that I should cut her some slack and let her be.

Mom already had enough on her mind and my teenage problems weren’t of her concern.

After the necessary screams and belittlement I fled upstairs.

I stopped and waited for a few minutes in the hallway, in case he would follow me.

I listened to my brother arguing with my mother, hearing them argue about me.

When I almost couldn’t hear them anymore, I went to my room.

When I was lying in my bed, I heard angry footsteps on the stairs.

My body shook and I tried to run to the hallway, but it was too late.

I always tried to prevent him from entering my room.

This time my efforts were in vain.

My body felt like stone, I couldn’t move.

I saw his intimidating and angry stature drawing nearer and nearer.

He pushed me into the window frame several times, threatening me.

Screaming so much I don’t even remember what he was screaming about.

He raised his hand, ready to strike out to finish it once and for all.

That was when my other brother, let’s call him Andrew, rushed in.

He probably was smoking a joint in his room to escape from reality, but I guess something in his brain knew that there was no way out.

I remember them arguing and shouting at each other in MY room.

As if what happened previously wasn’t already awful enough.

But I didn’t care anymore, my safe haven was already ruined.

I silently waited for this to end, until I heard Andrew’s following words.

“No matter who did what, that’s your little sister. You will have to work it out together.”

With that being said, I sneaked out.

This was the last time Andrew helped me.

He soon moved out to be with his girlfriend and the situation became worse than ever.

Now my both ways to protect myself disappeared and I felt completely alone.

My name is Naomi.
They say that I was born in the Netherlands, but if you ask me, I’m not.  I never had the feeling of being home, not even in the house that they called my home.  After all I experienced, I realized I was simply born in my body.  This brought me to the idea of inspiring others, teaching people that you CAN live with traumatic experiences and how to use the lessons life gives you to create something beautiful.

On the 17th of April I attended a study session in Strassbourg on “Supporting Young Disabled People to Explore Sexuality and Relationships as Integral to their Social Inclusion and Independent Living” hosted by ENIL, The European Network on Independent Living.ENIL is a Europe-wide network of disabled people, with members throughout Europe.  They represent the disability movement for human rights and social inclusion based on solidarity, peer support, deinstitutionalisation, democracy, self-representation, cross disability and self-determination.

After the 10 hours long travel from Amsterdam to strassbourg my girlfriend and I were exhausted.  We arrived at the Council of Europe Youth centre just in time for the introduction evening.  We tried to look as normal as possible and faked a smile.  The next morning there was no change, the pain in my body worsened and I had to use the wheelchair that they provided for me.
At home I mostly use a walker, but most days I have too much pain to get out of my bed, so I truly appreciated the wheelchair.

I always have had pain related issues throughout my life.It always ignored, dismissed and never diagnosed until Joy, my girlfriend, and my mother kept nagging and insisting I’d see a doctor.I didn’t want to accept the fact that I was 20 years old and disabled, having to use a walker or a wheelchair for support.The week in Strasbourg helped me accept myself and my disability more and for that I am grateful.The relationship between me and my girlfriend has also gotten stronger, because we understand and communicate more.

I’ve made many great connections and friends as well, two of them being Jennie Williams and Emily Yates. You may know these amazing women as CEO and trainers of Enhance the UK and of course the online magazine you’re reading right now, Liability Magazine. They graciously asked me if I would be interested in being a part of the Liability Magazine and become one of their international writers. Feeling honoured and without a doubt in my mind I said yes.

Now here we are, with just the North sea separating us, I am given the chance to tell you my story.