“I’ve just started seeing an amazing girl in the year above from school. She knows I’m partially blind and it’s never been a big deal. But one of the only places we can hang out is at the cinema which doesn’t have many accessible movies with audio description. I don’t want her to get bored with me! What other fun cheap dates could I take her on?”
Anonymous, London
Brittany’s advice…
Take her to the lakes or the beach, shopping, for a picnic or take out for ice cream.
Whilst floods impact everyone, they are especially challenging for the elderly and people with disabilities. “Depending on the severity of the mobility issue,” writes Gerry Bucke, manager of Chartwell Mobility Insurance Services, “some people may require assistance to leave their homes. Negotiating floodwater in a wheelchair or mobility scooter is virtually impossible and if people become trapped, they can be exposed to water-borne diseases, raw sewage and the dangers of waiting for rescue.”
Unfortunately, flooding like we’ve seen in the past few months is going to occur more frequently. A 2013 UN report on climate change confirms that human behaviour has caused global temperatures to increase. This has caused arctic sea ice to melt, sea levels to rise and record levels of precipitation.
So if extreme weather is here to stay, what is being done to reduce the risk to the nation’s elderly and disabled people?
In truth, shamefully little. Even after the floods of 2007, which were deemed the biggest peacetime civil emergency since the Second World War, only a fraction of money for flood risk reduction now goes to helping local communities build their own resilience and action plan.
What can we learn for other countries?
Other countries, such as Bangladesh and the Philippines, have shown just how effective risk reduction plans can be. According to CAFOD’s disaster risk reduction adviser Dr Kate Crowley, Bangladeshi communities hold regular town meetings to plan evacuation strategies, ensuring that people with disabilities and the elderly are always taken care of.
Similarly, the tiny Philippines island of Tulang Diyot evacuated every one of its 1,000 residents before Typhoon Yolanda – a vicious storm which went on to flatten every building on the island. It was all down to risk reduction and prioritising the rescue of vulnerable residents.
However, there are also many countries struggling with the disability issue of disaster management. Statistics from the Japanese earthquake and tsunami in 2011 show that the mortality rate among people with disabilities was double that of the rest of the affected population. Sae Kani, who has worked across Southeast Asia with disabled people, said, “They are always the last ones to be counted. They don’t come to collect the emergency relief items… they are always invisible.”
This issue was embodied at the Global Platform for Disaster Risk Reduction by 11-year-old Danh from Vietnam. Danh has a physical disability and told the conference how frightened he was when his Quang Nam village flooded. “From that experience, whenever I see floods and rain, I feel very scared. I beg you: please develop a flood preparedness plan and evacuate kids with disabilities to a safe place, and please teach us and our family members about how to be ready for floods.”
How should we adapt?
As extreme weather becomes more of an issue, the UK needs to “encourage locally-managed disaster risk reduction, and introduce more community flood forums which would help vulnerable people living on flood plains to adapt and plan ahead,” says the CAFOD.
Historically, the changeability of British weather has made it very difficult to prepare for extremes. Our weather patterns fluctuate according to the position of the jet stream, meaning we experience exceptionally cold, warm or windy weather for short periods of time. However, research suggests that the recent warming of the Arctic has caused the jet stream to change, sending “conveyor belts” of weather to the UK that stay for longer periods of time, which explains the increased levels of rain.
Whilst the floods of 2013/14 do not equate to the typhoons of the Philippines or the earthquakes of Japan, our climate is changing and vulnerable people are at risk. Therefore, disaster risk reduction needs to be disability inclusive, and communities need to have access to resources that allow them to plan evacuation strategies, ensuring that people with disabilities and the elderly are always taken care of.
Firstly, is there anyone else in your group home with a double bed?
YES – Go to that person and ask them how they got the double bed, particularly the exact person who approved it. Then go to the person who has the power to approve a double bed and make a note of the resident’s top tips about how they were successful.
But if NO and you are the first person to ask for a double bed, ask the staff who has the power to approve a double bed. Now it is time for some preparation before you meet them.
Next, imagine stepping into the shoes of the general manager of your home and picture that you have a resident asking for a double bed.
Since this is the first time this has happened, imagine the questions they will ask and especially the things that might make them say yes or no. For example, some questions that spring to my mind: Are they scared a resident could be taken advantage of by a staff member? Is there not enough space in the home as you will need a private room?
Also, does the company that runs the home have any policies on the rights of residents?
Would it help to have someone in the meeting to support you like your best friend or the girlfriend/boyfriend who will be sleeping with you in the double bed? Perhaps they can help you prepare your arguments?
Finally, you should call Enhance the UK as they can give you supporting evidence of residents in care homes with double beds.
Good Luck! With good preparation you might be surprised at how quickly you have a double bed to Enhance your sex life!
When I was in hospital in my own room and my wife and I asked for some “private time,” it was really easy. They just gave me a “do not disturb” sign and we used a single bed for sex.
I was impressed by how accommodating and not squeamish they were, but not all homes will have the same open attitude soEnhance the UK can advise you on your rights.
Firstly, the people who love us are programmed to look after us if we get sick, but sometimes this can go too far. If this happens, it is up to you to step in and make some clear new rules.
Changing how your partner treats you starts with changing how you expect to be to be treated.
Let’s be honest, being in hospital and having nurses do everything for you at the touch of a button can actually be quite a nice experience. One that you can easily get used to, especially if you have trouble doing some things for yourself because of your illness. There is even a point where we completely forget how to do things for ourselves, this is called institutionalisation.
I know I secretly quite enjoyed having nurses wait on me hand and foot, and then when I went home I unconsciously treated my wife like a nurse asking her to do almost everything for me. This made us both uncomfortable.
If you act like a patient sometimes your partner will react by taking up the role as nurse and treating you as a helpless hospital patient. It is a situation where it takes two to tango which means you have the power to change things quickly.
Acting like a helpless patient is NOT sexy, but the situation can be fixed relatively quickly and easily. First, as with most problems looking for a solution, you need to talk about some new rules.
We talked and agreed the cast iron rule. That she should assume I can do X myself and I will only ever ask for help if I can’t do it.
This new rule turned out to be quite empowering as I didn’t realise how I was sometimes actually deliberately making myself helpless in order to get help!
I got lazy and institutionalised in hospital to the point where I expected help all the time with everything.
So, if your partner is treating you like a patient it might mean you have unconsciously taken the habit of being nursed like one at home. We are programmed by millions of years of evolution to take the most efficient day-to-day route to living and being waited on hand and foot is easier than doing everything ourselves.
But it has a severe side effect that our partner will end us treating us differently, yet this can be avoided simply by:
Having a conversation with your partner and make it clear you don’t like being treated like a patient in a hospital and that they should only help you if you ask for it.
Firstly, the people who love us are programmed to look after us if we get sick, but sometimes this can go too far. If this happens, it is up to you to step in and make some clear new rules.
Changing how your partner treats you starts with changing how you expect to be to be treated.
Let’s be honest, being in hospital and having nurses do everything for you at the touch of a button can actually be quite a nice experience. One that you can easily get used to, especially if you have trouble doing some things for yourself because of your illness. There is even a point where we completely forget how to do things for ourselves, this is called institutionalisation.
I know I secretly quite enjoyed having nurses wait on me hand and foot, and then when I went home I unconsciously treated my wife like a nurse asking her to do almost everything for me. This made us both uncomfortable.
If you act like a patient sometimes your partner will react by taking up the role as nurse and treating you as a helpless hospital patient. It is a situation where it takes two to tango which means you have the power to change things quickly.
Acting like a helpless patient is NOT sexy, but the situation can be fixed relatively quickly and easily. First, as with most problems looking for a solution, you need to talk about some new rules.
We talked and agreed the cast iron rule. That she should assume I can do X myself and I will only ever ask for help if I can’t do it.
This new rule turned out to be quite empowering as I didn’t realise how I was sometimes actually deliberately making myself helpless in order to get help!
I got lazy and institutionalised in hospital to the point where I expected help all the time with everything.
So, if your partner is treating you like a patient it might mean you have unconsciously taken the habit of being nursed like one at home. We are programmed by millions of years of evolution to take the most efficient day-to-day route to living and being waited on hand and foot is easier than doing everything ourselves.
But it has a severe side effect that our partner will end us treating us differently, yet this can be avoided simply by:
Step 1: Have a conversation with your partner and make it clear you don’t like being treated like a patient in a hospital and that they should only help you if you ask for it.
Step 2: Start to act like the independent survivor you are and try to do everything that you can, yourself.
Step 3: Strictly enforce these new rules and refuse help from your partner unless you asked.
Take these three steps and you will be surprised how quickly your partner will start testing you like a normal human being again!
Start to act like the independent survivor you are and try to do everything that you can, yourself.
Step Three: Strictly enforce these new rules and refuse help from your partner unless you asked.
Take these three steps and you will be surprised how quickly your partner will start testing you like a normal human being again!
If you love your partner, one of your first instincts is to keep them safe and to be afraid of hurting them is perfectly natural.
But a crucial part of helping your partner recover is learning to risk hurting them during sex. Remember, we are not talking skydiving! Sex usually takes place in a very safe pace like a bedroom in your home but done the right way you can take safe risks almost anywhere. We all take risks every day. Crossing the road is risking death and even more dangerous is driving in a car, which is statistically more likely to kill you than serving as a soldier in a war zone like Afghanistan!
But you still drive and you still cross the road. The point is, everyday we take calculated risks. We calculate risks vs returns so you now must learn to take the same sort of calculated risks during sex. Sometimes something might hurt a little, or even a lot, but you must learn from that and try again. If you let fear rule your sex life it will die.
Talk to your partner about this right away, I can guarantee most of the fear is in your head and you will probably find a little risk is well worth the return of sex and connection. So bite the bullet and get talking!
There is also a simple solution taken from the world of BDSM – bondage. Use special words for the traffic light or a safe word system:
Green= Yes (More)
Orange= This is getting close to my limits (Slow Down)
Red= Stop right now
You don’t literally need to use green, orange and red. Instead you can use whatever words you like, meaning that sex play can continue uninterrupted without jarring the mood with “stop that” or “don’t do that.” You can even say “no” and mean “yes,” safe knowing your partner will stop when you use the right safe word. With this system of communication you can risk hurting someone while being completely safe in the knowledge that they are in control.
You can take the risks that help make sex hot while keeping the safety that you naturally want for your partner.
Actions speak louder than words. You don’t even need to mention the D word to actually go on a date!
Step One: Select something exciting that you’d like to do with your beau.
Why? Studies show that when we spend time with people in adrenaline heightened situations we find them more attractive, and they will find us more attractive too. This will give you the chance to go on an “invisible date.” You know it’s a date but they don’t! For them, you just had a fun time out together. For you, it is the first step in getting to know them better and deciding if you want to take this relationship further and into the bedroom.
From there you can just keep getting to know them with more “invisible dates.” When you are clear you want to take things further, go in for a snog. After the first kiss it is clearly time to start using the D word and not long after that you can graduate to calling them your boyfriend/girlfriend!
This is the start of The Love Lounge
I used to think something was wrong with the way I think.
Now I know that I just think differently.
The main reason is that I first learned language in a different way.
I heard things in English but said them in another language—sign language.
I did this because even though I can hear, I have speech challenges and am deaf in one ear. I live in two worlds, hearing and ASL, and neither world exactly understands what’s its like to be me.
I don’t think in a straight line.
I think in all directions at once. For example, when I buy a gift, I know that person in 3D and know what is perfect for them.
I think now and ahead at the same time.
I plan my week on the weekend and get up very early in the morning so I am prepared.
I organize what I learn in folders in my mind, like school folder, family folder, birthday folder, shopping folder, where you put your keys folder. This lets me remember everything I see and hear.
ASL feels different than English. You see it, not hear it. For example, when you want to say good job, you hold up your thumb. That’s what ASL words feel like.
I think of words 3 ways at the same time; the thing, the word and the sign.
Sign language skips a lot of words so its easy to leave English words out and put them in the wrong order.
I want to walk is I want walk.
I will ask her to pick her up is I will ask her to picking up her.
Two different words in English, can be one word in sign.
You put your hand on your chest to say both My or mine. So writing ASL to English might be Mine clothes are on the table.
One sign can mean 3 English words.
Moving your hand in front of your face means pretty, handsome, beautiful.
Some words I have never said. I might know the sign but I have never heard the word or the answer.
For example, my driver’s test asked about an intersection. I have been in an intersection before but had never had a word for it. So when I read it, I didn’t know what the word meant.
Reading helps me with language, but I still need to translate words.
Math has more language to deal with than people think and they assume I know what things mean. A lot of words mean different things in math than in English like times.
For algebra, I need to write every step. I like to check it right after so I can clear my head. On tests, if there are a lot of steps to remember, I get blank and nervous. Geometry is easier for me than algebra because its not a lot of steps.
To me, sign communicates feelings, not just words. Just like music.
I can communicate important things or deep feelings by writing them. But I am grateful to have someone who understands sign.
I have to be determined and creative to get help because teachers don’t understand me.
When people are not patient and try to do things for me, I have to either fight back or give in.
In big groups, its hard to get people’s attention so I have to listen carefully and wait a lot.
I work really hard and have to hold a lot of things in my head.
So what does this all mean. It means:
I am creative, resourceful and determined
I am super sensitive to seeing and listening
I really want to communicate
I want the world to see who I am
Sometimes I’m exhausted.