If you love your partner, one of your first instincts is to keep them safe and to be afraid of hurting them is perfectly natural.
But a crucial part of helping your partner recover is learning to risk hurting them during sex. Remember, we are not talking skydiving! Sex usually takes place in a very safe pace like a bedroom in your home but done the right way you can take safe risks almost anywhere. We all take risks every day. Crossing the road is risking death and even more dangerous is driving in a car, which is statistically more likely to kill you than serving as a soldier in a war zone like Afghanistan!
But you still drive and you still cross the road. The point is, everyday we take calculated risks. We calculate risks vs returns so you now must learn to take the same sort of calculated risks during sex. Sometimes something might hurt a little, or even a lot, but you must learn from that and try again. If you let fear rule your sex life it will die.
Talk to your partner about this right away, I can guarantee most of the fear is in your head and you will probably find a little risk is well worth the return of sex and connection. So bite the bullet and get talking!
There is also a simple solution taken from the world of BDSM – bondage. Use special words for the traffic light or a safe word system:
Green= Yes (More)
Orange= This is getting close to my limits (Slow Down)
Red= Stop right now
You don’t literally need to use green, orange and red. Instead you can use whatever words you like, meaning that sex play can continue uninterrupted without jarring the mood with “stop that” or “don’t do that.” You can even say “no” and mean “yes,” safe knowing your partner will stop when you use the right safe word. With this system of communication you can risk hurting someone while being completely safe in the knowledge that they are in control.
You can take the risks that help make sex hot while keeping the safety that you naturally want for your partner.