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Jan 06
Accessible Shelters: a person has their hand on the wheel of a wheelchair while facing a long corridoor. We cannot see their face. Only their hand

Six tips for making your shelter or refuge accessible

By Undressing Disability

Data released by Sky News from Women’s Aid shows that “less than 1% of refuge spaces for women fleeing abuse are suitable for wheelchair users.”

You can read the story by visiting the Sky News page 

It can be really difficult to know where to start when it comes to making your shelter more accessible. There are lots of larger changes such as installing ramps or accessible toilets that can take time, planning, funding and builders.

However, there are lots of small changes you can make that will help to make things more inclusive.

Here are 6 changes you can make:

1 – Repeat repeat rephrase

Someone who is coming to a shelter may be in a state of panic or feeling incredibly anxious. When we are anxious, it can be hard to breathe and communicate especially if someone also has a communication impairment. It’s not rude to ask someone to repeat themselves if you are not sure what they are saying. Ask them twice to repeat themselves before you ask them to rephrase what they are asking you. It could be that when they rephrase what they are trying to say, you catch enough of the sentence to understand what they are saying.

Be patient and allow them more time but keep your body language relaxed. If you relax, they will also start to feel less anxious.

2 – Learn how to guide a visually impaired person

It can be really scary leaving someone who is being violent or manipulative, especially if you are relying on that person for assistance. Making sure shelter staff are trained in how to guide someone safely and properly is vital. Booking disability awareness training can help but there are some quick steps to remember:

1 – Introduce yourself and say you work/volunteer for the shelter and tell them what is going to happen. Don’t just lead them somewhere but ask if they need assistance.
2 – Offer a shoulder or an elbow: Ask if it is okay for you to take their hand and place it on your elbow or shoulder. If someone is struggling with body contact or touch, it’s important to get their consent first before taking their hand.
3 – Guide goes first: You need to be the person in front so that they are following your direction.
4 – Move items and people: Move as many obstacles out of the way as possible. It’s good practice going forward to make sure that things like A signage (wet floor signs etc) are not in the middle of the room or that there are no objects for someone to fall over.
5 – Let someone know you are leaving: If you get that person to their seat or the room they need then let them know you are going to go. Otherwise, they may not know where you are.

Want to learn more about guiding? Why not consider booking disability awareness training by visiting our website

3 – Guide Dogs

Not all visually impaired people will have guide dogs but some do. You may also find that some neurodivergent people have support dogs. There are some simple things you can do to accommodate a person’s guide or assistance animal.
1 – Provide a bed for them to rest
2 – Allocate an outdoor space for the animal to go to the toilet and a place to dispose of waste
3 – Remember that people may not like their animals being touched or fed by anyone else. It’s important for staff to remember this.
4 – Provide a water dish if possible or access to clean water.

4 – Consider your forms and information

For some neurodivergent people, forms or large blocks of text can be really tough. Can you consider alternatives for people?
There are lots of different alternatives to written forms or information that you could consider.
Is it possible to create a video which describes the support service or an audio description that can be played? Could you use large print versions of any information or forms that can be downloaded from your website? If someone is available to help, could you assign a volunteer to help a person fill in any forms they are finding difficult?

5 – Ask don’t assume

Ask don’t assume. It’s best to ask someone what their access needs may be. Not every disabled person will have the same access needs. It’s important to listen to what someone tells you about their access requirements. If someone tells you they don’t need assistance or any changes then this should be respected.

Also, if someone tells you that any changes you have implemented are not working, be understanding and initiate a conversation on what to do next.

Check-in after time has passed to make sure that a person’s access needs haven’t changed.

6 – Being aware of your contact details:

With 1 in 6 of the UK population experiencing hearing loss and D/deaf women being twice as likely to experience domestic abuse, refuges must be accessible for people who are D/deaf.
Consider how D/deaf and hard-of-hearing people can contact your support service.

There are lots of options, including:
1- Providing a mobile number so people can text you
2- Providing a monitored email address
3- Ensuring staff are aware of the Relay UK service – a free service which allows deaf or hard of hearing people to communicate with you via an operator who types what is said for the deaf person and speaks, if needed, what they type. All they need is a free downloadable app and access to the internet.

We also offer free downloadable resources that can help you to learn more.

We would suggest our resource on making shelters accessible for Deaf people and our other resource on accessible retail spaces. This includes practical advice on making buildings accessible that could be adapted for wheelchair users.

Download our resources by visiting our dedicated page

Nov 21
A white wine glass against a black background and warm fairy lights. A big pink circle announces there is an event called Mingle all the way on dec 4th

Enhance the UK/Undressing Disability – Mingle all the Way

By Event, Sex & disability, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability

Enhance the UK/ Undressing Disability would like to invite you to a ‘mingle all the way’ festive evening to celebrate all their achievements this year.

Enhance the UK is a user-led disability charity that not only runs worldwide campaigns around dispelling myths about disability but also delivers groundbreaking training across the UK and beyond. Join us to find out more!

We have transformed our central London location into an alpine , ski retreat lodge and want you to pop in and get all cosy for the evening.

Included in this invite will be :

  • Free drinks and festive nibbles
  • Entertainment from the first and only amputee drag queen in the world -Eileen Eifell (I lean – I fell….)
  • Photo opportunities in our amazing decor and photobooth
  • Much more…..

It’s a unique opportunity to connect with like-minded professionals while celebrating the season in style!

At the event, we’ll also be sharing information about our disability awareness training and unveiling new courses for 2025.

Event Details:
🗓 Date: Wednesday, December 4
🕒 Time: 5:30 – 9 pm
📍 Location: Sketch House 36 Clifton Terrace Finsbury Park London N4 3JP

Please RSVP to secure your spot by visiting the event link

*Please email hello@enhancetheuk.org for any access or dietary requirements. Examples of access requirements could include accessible route maps, BSL interpreters, accessible toilets, BSL interpreters or quiet rooms.

Nov 21
A pink and black advert for black friday 20% disability and sexuality training

Disability and Sexual Expression Training: Get 20% off in our Black Friday Deal!

By Disability, Sex & disability, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability

Looking to book Disability and Sexual Expression training or Disability Awareness Training for your organisation in the New Year?

You’ve come to the right place!

We are launching our Black Friday deal where you can get 20% off
Disability and Sexual Expression training or disability awareness training if you book or enquire from now until 21st of December 2024. That includes all of our training sessions to be held before the end of March 2025.

Not sure what sessions we offer?

We offer lots of different training courses both online and in person that can be tailored to suit your needs. Need more information?

Click on the links below to read more about each course.

This includes:

 Email hello@enhancetheuk.org to book a session 

Got questions? Why not visit our Calendly page to book a consultation with our expert trainers

Quote BLACKFRIDAY when you email to make sure you get 20% off any sessions before March 2025.

(See terms and conditions below)

What makes Enhance training sessions different?

Our trainers are all disabled themselves and accessibility experts and can share their personal lived experience.

Using a powerful combination of expert knowledge and lived experience we can support your businesses or organisation to become more accessible. We are committed to working with organisations in a supportive way, regardless of your starting point we can help you become accessible and inclusive.

What is Disability and Sexual Expression training?

Sexuality and disability training is crucial for creating an inclusive and respectful environment for disabled individuals.

Our virtual sexual expression training offers a deep dive into the intimate experiences of disabled people, addressing barriers to sexual expression and how to remove them.

Delivered by disabled trainers, this 3.5-hour course covers key topics like the social model of disability, effective communication, and appropriate terminology. Participants will gain an understanding of the importance of sexual expression, privacy, and dignity, and learn how carers and personal assistants can better support disabled people in navigating these challenges.

This training ensures that disabled individuals’ sexual needs and rights are respected and understood.

Why not get in touch and remember to quote the 20% code – BLACKFRIDAY when booking! Email hello@enhancetheuk.org for more details or to book a free consultation.

Want to stay up to date with all the latest news, events and accessibility tips? Why not sign up to our mail out to get access to get early access and discounts? Visit the sign up landing page

 

 

BLACK FRIDAY OFFER TERMS AND CONDITIONS:

T&CS

1 – This offer cannot be used with any others. 2 – This Black Friday deal can be used on training scheduled before March and not afterwards. 3 – Offer runs out after December 20th at 12 pm. 4 – Offer only valid on in-person/virtual training sessions this excludes access audits both in-person and virtual and BSL for your website options. 4- Offer can only be used once per organisation. 5 – You have to quote BLACKFRIDAY at the time of booking. It cannot be added retrospectively. 6 – Offer cannot be applied to training already booked 7 –  This is only available on training run through Enhance the UK. 8 – Only available on training sessions both in person and virtual. 9- We reserve the right to decline orders where, a promotion code is invalid. 10- We reserve the right to change these Terms and Conditions at any time. 11- Any training sessions booked after March 31st will be booked at full price as code is no longer valid.

 

Nov 19
Disability and friendship: A person using a wheelchair. A close up of their hand on the wheel of the chair with a room in the background

Disability and friendship: How do I open up to my friends about what life is really like for me?

By The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability

The question:

I’m in my mid 60’s and am having more and more health problems of late.  The last few years have been difficult. But what I find most problematic is my circle of friends not really understanding what life is like for me.

I laugh a lot with people, so they think I’m ok and they don’t seem to remember about the issues I have told them. They either act surprised when I mention things or scoff as though it’s not really that bad.

I feel really misunderstood and don’t know how to change it. It’s affecting my confidence when I go out with them. 

Ali 

The Answer:

Hi Ali,

This is hard when you don’t feel understood and then, as a result, feel unsupported by your friends. I remember having similar feelings years ago and my therapist telling me that it’s also my responsibility to tell people what’s really going on. It’s unfair for them to be expected to know how it really is for you when you haven’t communicated everything to them.

Perhaps because you’re jokey and smiley they don’t see the whole picture, and then when you say something that feels serious to you, it doesn’t land as it should perhaps because of the delivery. If you find it hard to hold the space and be serious in telling your story, perhaps choose one friend who you are closer to and ask to have a chat away from the group. Tell them what’s going on for you, health-wise but also that you find it hard to be taken seriously by the group. You could also ask them to be your spokesperson and tell the rest of the group for you.

Hopefully this will prompt them to acknowledge your feelings more and I’m sure they will come and support you once they know how you’ve been feeling. Another option, if you can’t verbalise it well, is to write to them (as a group or to your closest friend) and speak freely that way.

I’m sure they love and support you and are just missing your cues – then the more you lose confidence the harder it is for you to make yourself heard.

Communicate well, be honest and the love will come back to you!

Warmly,

Zoe

Love this? Read more Love Lounge questions by visiting our blog page.

 

Nov 08
A red and black typewriter with one single sheet of white paper

Love Lounge: Disabled, deaf and looking for love….help!

By Sex & disability, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability

The question:

Dear Love Lounge,

I’m disabled (I’m deaf and have difficulty with mobility) and have been keenly watching Married At First Sight.  It’s been great to see a deaf person represented in Ross. But it’s been making me feel even more sad because I see how easily he’s got into this relationship with Sacha and how she’s so accepting of him, and I have never experienced that.  I feel like more of a failure – am I so bad? Am I ugly? Or is it because I also have mobility issues that people don’t want me?

I know I’m being self-pitying but I’m cross that it has made me feel like this when I should be excited that a deaf person is being seen on tv and having a successful relationship.

Sorry but I just need some support.

Sam

The answer:

Hi Sam,

I can really appreciate how you feel when you see others being able to do something that you’re really wanting to do, especially when you see them with the thing that you feel limits you.

It could be that you perceive your disability as a negative thing and don’t go out there with your confident pants on and feeling proud of who you are. But that’s never easy, particularly if your self-worth has been dented.

Have you had therapy before to learn to be comfortable with your identity and how you are in the world? It sounds like this could be useful for you. I had lots of therapy until I learnt to not be so hard on myself and have some self-acceptance and kindness towards myself. It can be a looong road, but a very worthwhile one.

Once confidence oozes out of you, people will be attracted to that, and your disability won’t be the main thing they focus on.

Whilst MAFS is great to watch, let’s remember it’s for entertainment and they have had the amazing opportunity of the experts matching them with someone. If only we could all have that! However, that’s not to undermine that Ross is obviously very confident, attractive and used to having relationships and you seeing that makes you feel worse.

Myself and other colleagues can also feel inadequate when we see other disabled people on social media being ultra positive and looking like they can conquer anything.. it’s a real thing, even for us who advocate for disabled people and have confidence around it. What we see either on TV or social media is never the whole story, this is why it’s so important for everyone to be authentic and show vulnerabilities too… if you spoke to Ross, you’d surely hear that he’s lacked confidence, found times hard etc. We all have. Try and remember that, and you will have your own story. You may be doing things that other people wish they could achieve.

With more representation though, non-disabled people will realise they can have lovely relationships with disabled people and it is not something to be nervous about.

Try and get yourself out there, socialise with like-minded people, who have similar interests as you and shine from within. That’s what attracts people.

Write out 10 things you love about yourself now and say them to yourself in the mirror every morning and night. Let’s start building your self worth and confidence!

Take care,
Zoe

Looking to read more Love Lounge questions? Why not visit our Love Lounge blog to find more questions and the answers written by our experts.

Nov 04
transgender flag in pink, blue and white

Ayman Eckford on …. being a trans* person and having ADHD

By Sex & disability, Undressing Disability

Ayman Eckford is many things – a human rights activist, a writer, a Ukrainian refugee to name a few. Ayman is also trans* and has ADHD. In this personal piece, Ayman shares their take on the intersection between trans* and ADHD experiences, and how we can all do better to support trans* and ADHD kids to live life as their authentic selves.

Note: Ayman has chosen to use an asterisk after the word “trans” throughout this article, which denotes a number of identities within the gender identity spectrum.

There is a lot of commonality between being a trans* person and being an ADHDer. For example, most of the books about your condition are written by people who have never experienced it.

At the same time, there are a lot of people like you in the modern day media, even some celebrities are trans* or ADHDers, but despite that, if you are young, it may feel like you are the only one in the universe. Maybe you don’t even know who you are. Or if you do, you may feel doomed because the world is trying to change you.

Being trans and neurodivergent

At least this is how it was for me, when I had no idea what the world “trans” meant but was a three-year-old transgender child who was considered to be a girl but knew that they were anything but a girl. I was also a kid who was “naughty,” a kid who was always rushing and fussing around. I spent almost all my time in kindergarten running around, unable to concentrate or speak with my peers. I couldn’t sit still in my school lessons. I didn’t want any attention, I didn’t want to be different and be bullied, but I couldn’t help it. I just stood up and began to walk around the class during lessons, knowing how angry my parents would be, knowing how other kids would make jokes about me – maybe even kick me – because of it. But I just couldn’t help it. My parents didn’t know that I’m an ADHDer and Autistic, or, more likely, they were too scared to find out. My parents also didn’t know that I’m trans, bullying me for any attempts to use a male pronoun. They would abuse me even more if they knew.

For them, I was sinful, lazy, and broken, and I believed that I was, until I realised that it’s the world that is broken because of its ignorance, not me. This realisation helped me to create the first pro-neurodiversity group in Ukraine and Russia, and become one of the first people to speak and write about trans* neurodivergent experiences in Eastern Europe. I was trying to be the person I needed when I was younger.

Society lets trans* and ADHD kids down. Even some modern Americans and British journalists that accept the LGBT+ community and behave respectfully toward neurodivergent adults, are trying to silence trans* and neurodivergent teenagers, and justify all those “well-meaning,” conservative parents who broke their queer and neurodivergent children.

It is interesting that despite the hardship of living with a double stigma, there are a lot of openly trans* ADHDer activists both in the disability rights space and in the LGBT+ community. Some studies show that there are more trans* people among ADHDers than among the general population, but the reason is still unknown. Maybe we are just used to being different. Maybe, despite everything, it is not so scary to recognise one more “atypical” trait when you’ve already considered it to be weird. Maybe there is a real correlation.

Transgender and neurodiversity acceptance

And I think that the neurodiversity paradigm could help a lot in trans* acceptance. Neurodiversity paradigm is basically an idea that there is no one right way that the human brain should work, and that neurological diversity is as normal as different ethnicities and sexual orientations.

Let me make it clear: I am not considering ADHD and autism to be a disorder. I would hate the idea of research with a goal to prevent people like me from being born, or prevent another child from thinking the way I’m thinking. But at the same time, for me, ADHD is a disability, not only because society disables me but also because I need dopamine medication to better deal with everyday tasks. Of course, in a world where everyone is ADHDer, non-ADHDers would also need some additional support.

The same with being trans. I feel like I need hormone therapy and surgery to be me. In many ways, being trans has a lot in common with being disabled, especially if you have gender dysphoria. Trans* people often need additional medical support, but this doesn’t mean that trans* people are “sick” (which is why I support the de-pathologization of “transgenderism”).

Being trans* is also not about being politically left, progressive, or sex-positive. It is not about being part of any dominant queer subculture. Just like ADHD and autism, is not something that you could be “groomed into” or something that determines your views on economy, religion, and politics. When I was a libertarian right and conservative Christian teen, it didn’t automatically make me cis and neurotypical. It just made me a trans* teen for whom it was more difficult to figure out their identity.

One of the biggest mistakes that the media is making is trying to made trans* existence and trans* rights, especially trans* youth rights look like a part of an ideology. This is why I believe we can all learn a lot from the social model of disability and pro-neurodiversity movement that could really help trans* activists, and LGBT+ movements in general.


You can support Ayman by following @ayman_eckford on Instagram and X (formerly Twitter).

Want to write a blog post for us? Why not find out how by visiting our page on getting involved.

Oct 03
Dee Smith looks directly at the camera while smiling. They have long brown hair and are not wearing a top.

Dee Smith on…..disability advocate work

By Sex & disability, Undressing Disability

Dee Smith on…..disability advocate work

At just 27 years old, disabled model and writer Dee Smith has modelled for London Fashion Week, featured in Cosmopolitan magazine, and launched her own podcast.

We spoke to her about how she’s combining creativity and disability advocacy to champion self-expression and inclusivity for disabled people.

Tell us more about your disability advocacy work. What is it all about and what made you want to start advocating in the first place?

I’m creative. All my advocacy work revolves around things I love and am passionate about, such as creating a photoshoot to model or writing a poetry piece. I went from able bodied to disabled and all of a sudden I noticed how ableist and inaccessible the world is because of toxic stereotypes that are NOT true. So I intended to change that through creative avenues.

You’ve modelled at London Fashion week and share images from many amazing photoshoots via your Instagram. What do you love most about modelling?


The freedom to be creative! I get to be anyone and do anything. I can be artistic, scary, beautiful, sexy, honest. The possibilities are endless! Plus, it inspires others and shows people what I and other disabled people can do. It educates.

How has your relationship with sex and desirability changed since becoming disabled?

It was a journey. I went from thinking I was undesirable and unwanted because of my disability and what society has told us. I had to learn to love my own body and embrace my sexuality again. Learning to love all of me, disability and all, has been a journey.

What is one myth or stereotype about disabled people that you would like to dispel?
That we aren’t sexy, beautiful, and desirable with needs.

What are your goals for the future? Do you have any dreams you hope to realise or upcoming projects you’d like people to know about?

My goals are to advocate more in bigger, more mainstream media where disabled advocacy can be heard and taught. Hopefully branching out into acting. I also have a podcast on Spotify called Training Wheels where I talk to all kinds of people, from all walks of life, and ask them to share their stories.

You can find out more about Dee and support her work via her Instagram @dee_smithxoxo and her podcast “Training Wheels” is available to listen on Spotify.

Sep 19
A collection of light pink hearts

Sam Ranke on…the importance of finding your tribe

By Disability, Sex & disability, Undressing Disability

Most well rounded, emotionally available people would like to think they are somehow impermeable to bias. That being a good human arms you with a cloak against the unconscious bias that seeps in all around us. 

Unfortunately, the “good person, bad person” binary doesn’t exist when we look at prejudice and discriminatory ideologies and actions. Truth is we are all born into a world where harmful stereotypes and tropes are systemic, institutional, and darn insidious in their nature. We all inhale the unconscious bias smog that seeps in around us, through our media and social structures 

This also includes me. 

Three people are in a group: one person is wearing a black dress and holding a pink heart balloon, another is sitting in a wheelchair wearing a leopard print top and black hat. The other person is standing wearing all black

Oh yes, for years my ableism was real and stank! 

What’s more important however is how I got to where I am today. As a proud Disabled woman. 

At the ripe old age of thirty-eight, I’d describe myself as a cat mum, Buffy The Vampire Slayer über fan, home interior enthusiast. An actor, broadcaster, podcast host and consultant yet, my most treasured accolade to date is being able to say, without hesitation, that I am a proud Disabled woman. 

This, however, did not happen overnight. Coming to this conclusion and feeling it deep within my soul, in every ounce of my being, took years and still sometimes feels like an uphill battle just to maintain. 

For the past twelve years I’ve devoted almost all of my career and free time supporting and learning more about Disability culture and the Disabled community. Trying my best to amplify the voices of my fellow community whilst learning to love my own difference and feel pride in a part of my life that holds such presence in my day-to-day life. 

I was born with a condition often referred to as Brittle Bones, essentially my body does not produce type one cologne. This means my bones and organs are weak. I’ve had hundreds of fractures throughout my life and as a baby would be carried like a prized chihuahua on a cushion, too fragile to be cradled typically how babies would (this fact often makes me chuckle, as I question where my Diva behaviour comes from – (Clearly, we have the answer.)

I was the only person in my family with this condition and it came as a surprise to them all.  

Two years ago, I published my memoir You Are The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread and during this process I had the pleasure of interviewing my mum. Heartbreakingly she describes my birth more like a bereavement rather than a day of joy and celebration. Not only did no one come to the hospital to beam congratulations or go for a few drinks to wet the baby’s head. No, they all saw my birth as a tragedy. Even the doctors who delivered me braced my young parents for the worst: “I’m so sorry there is something wrong with your baby” an all too familiar sentence. 

You see, not only had I come into this world with a diagnosis – brittle bone disease – but I came into this world with a label. That label was Disabled. 

Synonymous with shouldn’t, couldn’t and wouldn’t.

I’ve spent all my life negating those labels. Yet, even as tenacious and feisty as I am, I too fed into the belief that Disabled meant lesser than. Less cool, less accomplished, and worst of all less deserving. 

I grew up with the same teenage angst and body image issues as most kids but on the whole, I liked who I was for the most part. I was sociable and had many friends. Sure, as I grew the more, I noticed how my Disability was an issue for others, but I still had a good grounding in self-love. I liked me, but I really didn’t like other Disabled people. 

In fact, growing up I didn’t ever mix with any other Disabled kids outside the parameters of going to my annual check-up at my specialist hospitals. 

Then and only then did I meet other people in wheelchairs or with the same condition as me, brittle bones. When I looked at them, all I saw were the stereotypes or at least that’s what I convinced myself I saw. 

Sam has long blonde hair and is wearing a light green hate. She is sitting in a wheelchair holding a red shiny balloon shaped like a heart. She wears a white shirt and black skirt

Truth is, I was so scared to identify with any part of my Disability identity that I didn’t allow myself to even befriend or acknowledge others from my community. 

This may come as a shock to some of you reading this as horrible as my ableism was, I wouldn’t say I am ashamed to admit that this is how I spent most of my childhood and young adulthood, rejecting disability culture and other Deaf and Disabled people. 

Can you blame me? 

I had no one telling me it was okay to be Disabled, more than ok, it was beautiful, and I should be unapologetic about it. 

I had no one tell me I was allowed to feel pride and love for a part of me that had shaped who I am today. No one had told me that I could be loved as a Disabled woman or feel like I could be admired and cherished. 

I had convinced myself that the only way I could and would be accepted by society was if I shunned anything that encapsulated any part of my Disability identity. 

This, however, was a very lonely path. 

Not only because I needed to be told that I am worthy of everything life has to offer and more but also because other Disabled people are bloody amazing and I absolutely needed some of that energy in my life. 

I’d lived in a world that pushed the divide and conquer narrative because alone we are easy to manipulate. Alone, we are not strong, alone we are vulnerable. 

What I really needed was my tribe. Because once I found them my life changed forever. 

This is where I do a shameless plug for my memoir You Are The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread available in hardback and audio, to find out exactly what happened when I embraced my Disability identity, my tribe and my community. 

You can purchase You Are The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread by visiting this link to the Amazon website.

Aug 07

Thinking of trying anal sex?

By Disability, Sex & disability, Undressing Disability

Thinking of trying anal sex?

Anal sex can be a completely natural, normal and fun part of your sex life. However, it is something that needs a bit of planning before you start. If you are disabled or neurodivergent then you may have some extra questions about it.

Our helpful blog will explain what you need to know about anal sex, disability and neurodiversity.

What is anal?

Anal sex is any sexual activity involving the anus. This could be using fingers, toys, penis or tongues (rimming). Lots of people enjoy anal sex as part of their regular sex life but some may find it too painful or dislike the idea of it.

What do I need to know?

1 – Use lube: It’s important to invest in a good lubricant and keep applying it. Silicone lubricants are considered best for anal sex as they don’t dry out as quickly. However, it’s important to note if the lube you are using is safe for use with condoms and toys.

2 – Communication: Keep communication going with your partner to know if anything changes for them during sex. This could be that you need more lube, or it has started to hurt or if they want to stop.

3 – Condoms: Using condoms can help keep you safe from STI/Ds.

Anal and toys:

There are lots of different toys created with anal in mind! While there are some that you can try like butt plugs or anal beads, it is important to check that whatever you opt for is safe. Toys that are safe for use in the anus will have a flared base that stops the body from sucking a toy upwards. This is why bullet vibrators are not safe for use in the anus because it is difficult to remove them and may require surgery. Always check a toy is safe before you use it – If in doubt, leave it out!

Looking for a good accessible sex toy suitable for anal?

Discover is a wand with a little extra. Developed between Undressing Disability and Rocks Off, Discover is part of the Quest range which is developed with accessibility in mind.  The wand is a rechargeable, vibrating body wand for intimate use with two attachments and remote control with large buttons. It offers six vibration settings and is made from sensory soft touch silicone which is body safe

Visit the Rocks Off website to view the Discover wand

Anal sex and pain

If you are experiencing pain, it’s important to stop. You could be experiencing pain for any number of reasons and risk causing more damage to the body by continuing.

Anal and bowel conditions

If you have a condition like Crohn’s or one that affects the bowel, you may be worried about the risks. The lining of the bottom and rectum is very thin which means there is a chance it could be damaged meaning that you risk an infection from anal sex if there is a cut in your bottom. If you have inflammation as a result of your Crohn’s, then the risk of damage may be higher especially if you have any ulcers or bleeding.

Strictures, which some people with Crohn’s may experience, might cause tightening making anal sex difficult or slightly more painful. You can reduce the risk by using lube, having good foreplay and making sure you are as relaxed as possible during sex. Going on top may reduce the risk because you can control the depth and speeds too.

Try to avoid sex during a flare-up and give your body a chance to recover. If you do want to have sex then look at other positions until you feel well enough to retry anal sex. Pain or bleeding is usually a sign that you need to stop until you are fully healed.

Anal sex and douching

Some people may choose to douche before anal sex to clean the bottom. This is thought to reduce accidents but can sometimes cause inflammation. If you don’t or can’t douche, then you might choose to gently clean the area instead

Remember, it’s personal choice and up to you to decide if you do or don’t douche.

Poop happens!

Sometimes nothing will happen then other times you will find that there might be a small amount of poop. This is no reason to feel embarrassed or upset, it is completely normal. Just make sure to jump into the shower.

It is natural to be worried about faeces or blood during anal sex especially if you have a condition that involves either. Pressure on the body in that particular area or the stomach can also add to the feeling of needing to go to the bathroom. It is worth communicating with your partner to discuss the potential outcome and prepping the area beforehand so you have towels close to hand or lube nearby.

You could also consider using gloves, dental dams and other protection to stop things from spreading or transferring. Everything – including toys – should be cleaned afterwards to prevent bacteria or anything nasty.

Positioning the body

Researching the right position for you and your body can take a while but its worth putting in the time. It can help you to feel more confident and keep any aches or pains to a minimum. This can include pillows, bolsters, wedges or any other positioning equipment that can help your body be in this position.

Lube and sensitivity

We already mentioned that lube is a must-have for anal sex as is finding the right one. It’s worth noting that some neurodivergent people may struggle with the texture of different lubes or the smell. Flavoured or fruity lubricants may have a strong smell which is difficult for some people. It might take a little while to shop around to find the right one.

We have loads of blog posts! Fancy reading more about sex, love and disability? Of course you do. Please visit the Undressing Disability blog section of our website to scroll through our selection.

Jul 18
Menopause event: A red heart shaped balloon floating against a pink wall

Love Lounge next event: Menopause meet up!

By Disability, Event, Sex & disability, Undressing Disability

Menopause meet up:

We are pleased to announce our next Love Lounge event! We have partnered with the wonderful Vagina Museum in London and the experts at the Menopause Consortium to hold a very special event on October 24th

As part of our Love Lounge events, we will give you the chance to ask the experts anything you want on menopause, body, mind and soul. As well as what this might mean for transgender and non-binary people going through menopause or any menopause and career-based questions.

What happens on the night:

Enhance the UK CEO Jennie Williams will host a panel discussion with our experts before a social event. As part of our social event, you can meet the makers who are shaking up the menopause care industry and secure some goodies and discounts!

There are goodie bags for the first 30 people to enter the event with all proceeds from ticket sales going to Undressing Disability and the Vagina Museum.

The details:

Date: 24.10.24 7pm – 9 pm

Location: The Vagina Museum, 276 Poyser St, London E2 9RF

Click here to go to the Vagina Museum website

Meet the experts

We’ve combined expert doctors from the Menopause Consortium, transgender menopause researchers from the Nottingham Transgender Health Centre in Nottingham, employment and wellness experts to make an incredibly knowledgable panel.

Dr Liz Tatham: systemic physiotherapist at Menopause Consortium

Liz is a highly experienced Systemic Psychotherapist with over 30 years of experience working in the NHS and the last 10 years as a private psychotherapist. Her passion for mental health began when she trained as a Psychiatric nurse many years ago. However, it was not until she completed her Systemic Psychotherapy training in 2001 and went on to tutor on the same course at the University of Birmingham that her career really took off.

Although Liz enjoyed teaching, she was keen to return to clinical practice, and so she began working independently. Her experience has been diverse, having worked with families and individuals in various settings, including within the context of mental health, such as the Nottingham Eating Disorder team. It was during this time that Liz became increasingly interested in hormonal health and early-onset menopause.

Dr Joanne Hobson: Clinical lead, director and menopause specialist at Menopause Consortium. MBBS, DRCOG, BMS Menopause Specialist.

Dr. Joanne Hobson is renowned for her expertise in menopause care and advocacy for women’s well-being. As a British Menopause Society Menopause specialist and a member of the Institute of Psychosexual Health, Dr. Hobson has dedicated her career to revolutionising menopause care and reshaping healthcare professional education.

With a background as a General Practitioner, Dr. Hobson embarked on a transformative journey that led her to become a leading force in community gynaecology and menopause care. Over the past 15 years, she has served both in the National Health Service (NHS) and her private practice, touching the lives of countless women with her empathetic and evidence-based approach.

Dr. Hobson’s commitment to education is as steadfast as her dedication to patient care. She is a trainer for the British Menopause Society and previously was a Principal Trainer with the Faculty of Sexual Reproductive Health (FSRH) in menopause care. Through these roles, she has contributed to raising the standards of menopause care by equipping healthcare professionals with the latest insights and best practices.

Dr. Joanne Hobson’s legacy will be one of empowerment, education, and unwavering dedication to women’s health.

Dr Carrie Martin: pelvic health physiotherapist at Menopause Consortium

Carrie is a highly skilled and compassionate Pelvic Health Physiotherapist dedicated to improving the lives of women through specialised care.

Carrie’s journey in the field of physiotherapy began at The University of Nottingham, where she obtained her BSc Hons degree in Physiotherapy in 2012. After graduating, she embarked on a career in the National Health Service (NHS) at Nottingham University Hospitals. Over ten years, she honed her expertise in various aspects of physiotherapy while working alongside renowned clinical specialists, therapists, and consultants.

During her time at Nottingham University Hospitals, Carrie developed a deep interest in pelvic health. Recognizing the profound impact that pelvic floor issues can have on a person’s quality of life, she dedicated herself to expanding her skills and knowledge in this specialized area. Her determination to provide the highest standard of care led her to transition into the private sector, allowing her to extend her services and reach more women in need.

Carrie’s expertise in pelvic health encompasses a wide range of conditions and concerns. She has successfully treated numerous women experiencing bladder problems, bowel problems, prolapse, pelvic floor dysfunction, sexual dysfunction, and the challenges of recovering from childbirth. Additionally, she offers guidance and support to women navigating the menopause.

Click here to visit the Menopause Consortium website

Margarita Bennett: wellness, Clinical Massage Therapist, Cranio Sacral Practitioner & pre/postnatal Specialist.

Margarita is a Clinical Massage Therapist, Cranio Sacral Practitioner, Pre and Postnatal Specialist, and Psychic Healer. With nearly two decades dedicated to understanding the human body, she has supported countless patients on their healing journeys.

She works with a huge spectrum of individuals from Depression to Cancer, from Fibromyalgia to post-operative, from fertility, prenatal or postnatal issues to Menopause. People of all ages and genders. She runs a successful practice in East Sussex, England, and she is also a wife and mother of two teens.

Claire Holland: Deputy CEO of Enhance the UK / Undressing Disability

Claire Holland has previously worked in Education, social care and for various charities in advice and advocacy roles. Through her role at Enhance the UK, Claire has a wealth of experience of training and consulting with organisations on topics such as inclusion, the equality act, legal duties and disability awareness.

You can click here to visit the Enhance the UK website

Dr Nat Thorne HND, BSc, MSc, Education, Evaluation and Research Associate at the Nottingham Centre for Transgender Health

Dr Nat Thorne started their career and an LGBTQ+ journalist, freelancing for Diva, The Pink Paper and national press before becoming the editor of Fyne Times magazine. During their 16 years as a journalist, they also studied for a BSc in Psychology and took the big step of leaving their editorial career to come to the University of Nottingham where they completed their Masters and their PhD.

Their thesis examined mental health in non-binary people and how language has a negative influence on this. After graduation,  they joined the Nottingham Centre for Transgender Health as a Research Lead where they have been involved in research relating to health disparities for trans people and menopause in the LGBTQ+ population. Nat was also the founding Chair of a local support charity called Notts Trans Hub.

Click here to visit the Nottingham centre for Transgender Health

Meet the makers

Meet the meno-makers: There are so many wonderful companies out there making products designed to make our menopause easier. We couldn’t resist inviting some of the best in the business to come and share their expertise with you.

Rocks Off Ltd is the leader in their field and recently launched (in collaboration with us!) the amazing Quest range of accessible sex toys. Rocks Off has pioneered some of the biggest changes in the sex toy market such as the world’s first liquid silicone, a hands-free C-shaped product.

Rocks Off will bring the incredible Quest range to the event where you can talk to the experts about all things sexy toy-related. They will also be sharing some of their new range with us.

Click here to visit the Rocks-Off website 

About the Menopause Consortium

Dr. Hobson together with Sally Kitchen, created The Menopause Consortium a visionary initiative that is transforming menopause care on multiple fronts.

Driven by their shared vision, Dr. Hobson and Sally Kitchen have laid the foundation for a new era in women’s health, driven by the Three Pillar approach – Patient Care, Education for Healthcare Professionals, and Corporate Training.

*Thank you to Auris Ear Care!

Auris Ear Care is the UK’s first CQC regulated on demand ear care clinic. They provide ear wax removal, ear infection treatment and ear foreign body removal services throughout the UK. Thank you for your generosity and we look forward to receiving our branded backdrop.

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