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Jun 16
A collection of workout equipment

Join our 7 week online Health and wellbeing campaign

By Event, Sex & disability

Struggling to find a wellness space that gets you?

Tired of gyms that feel overwhelming or inaccessible? seven-week online wellness journey for neurodivergent individuals with a supportive, inclusive, and pressure-free approach to health.

Each person will receive three recorded videos per week from the professionals, as well as educational resources, hints and tips on health, workouts, nutrition and wellness. You will have the option to join our online group to chat and network with other individuals on the campaign. The campaign will run from the 17th of July to the 4th of September

Join our Health and Wellness Campaign!

For £25, you’ll receive*:

  • 7 x Recorded workout sessions with a personal trainer who understands access and pace
  • 7 x Breathwork & mindfulness coaching to help calm your nervous system
  • 7 x Advice videos on nutrition from our nutritionist
  • 3 x counselling and emotional support sessions with Love Lounge throughout the programme
  • Access to a private community chat – perfect for finding neurodivergent workout buddies and sharing your journey
  • Resources to help you build confidence in movement, breath, and balance – on your terms
  • 21 videos over seven weeks

*Please note that all proceeds from ticket sales will go to help keep Love Lounge’s support services free.

Who is this for?

Anyone who identifies as neurodivergent (ADHD, autism, dyslexia, dyspraxia, OCD, etc.) and wants to explore wellness in a community that understands. Whether you’ve never been to a gym or you’re trying to fall back in love with moving your body, this is for you. Not neurodivergent? No problem! This is for everyone.

How It Works:

Access weekly emails launched on Tuesdays with workout, nutritional and wellness videos for seven weeks. Videos will not be live, so they can be viewed at any time

Advice on nutrition from nutritionists

Join community chats at your own pace

No pressure, no push – just encouragement

Everything is recorded, so you can join live or watch later

Meet the experts:

Roseanne Charlton-Shafier (She/Her)

PGCE Phys Ed, PN Nutrition Qual, Lifestyle and Well-Being Coach

Roseanne is a former footballer and neurodivergent nutrition coach passionate about helping others fuel their bodies and minds. After her sports career was ended by injury, she combined her background in physical education with nutrition to support the neurodivergent community in building healthy, sustainable habits. She believes that good food and self-understanding are potent tools to help you show up as your best self.

Michelle Flynn (She/Her)

Certified Health & Performance Coach and Oxygen Advantage Functional Breathing Instructor

Michelle is a Health & Performance Coach and an Oxygen Advantage Breathwork Instructor. Michelle provides coaching and mentoring for individuals and teams to improve well-being, reduce burnout and enhance overall productivity and consistent performance.

Jimmy Stewart (He/him)

Fitness coach

With over a decade dedicated to empowering individuals, Jimmy is a highly experienced fitness coach specialising in strength training. His extensive career has seen him work with a wide range of clientele at leading fitness establishments. This includes New York Sports Club in New York City, as well as prestigious London locations such as Gymbox, Soho House and 1Rebel.

Jimmy’s deep understanding of strength principles, coupled with his broad industry exposure, allows him to craft effective and personalised programs designed to help you achieve your full potential.

Zoe Lloyd (She/her)

Qualified Counsellor and Love Lounge Manager

Zoe became a wheelchair user 21 years ago when she became very ill with Rheumatoid Arthritis. Despite being a very positive and happy-go-lucky person, she experienced crises of confidence and identity issues about not being the fit, active, sporty person she once was. This led her into therapy, and after seeing the positive transition in herself, she decided to become a counsellor. Zoe manages the Love Lounge.

Tickets: £25
Includes full access to all sessions, resources, and community spaces for the full seven weeks.

Spaces are limited – 30

For more information, visit: https://enhancetheuk.org/sex-and-disability/
Or contact: CJ@enhancetheuk.org

T&Cs: Please note that the primary method of communication will be through the email address you provide, as well as platforms such as Zoom, Eventbrite, and Facebook messanger. Please note that the professionals involved in this campaign may occasionally contact you to inform you of services and resources that we believe may be of interest to you. If you would like to opt out of receiving these emails, please email Hello@enhancetheuk.org.

Jun 16
two images together A close-up portrait of a person with layered pastel purple hair and blunt bangs. They are wearing large gold hoop earrings and have soft pink makeup, including shimmery pink eyeshadow and glossy lipstick. The person is looking directly at the camera with a slight smile. The other photo is the same person in a leopard print blazer smiling at the camera and standing up

Amy Butterworth on….Long Covid, recovery and accepting vunerability

By Sex & disability, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability

Amy Butterworth is a Long COVID activist, coach and talented writer. She is a powerful advocate for people living with Long Covid (LC), and her Instagram is a valuable source of inspiring tips and advice on managing the condition.

She shares what life was like for her before LC and what quick wins we can implement to support others.

What was life like for you pre-COVID?

I was managing a team at the Scouts, designing the programme of badges and activities, ensuring they were inclusive and accessible and preparing our young people for the changing world. I loved travelling the country and meeting groups to understand what they wanted from the programme, and how inclusive co-designing can create that.

Just before I got sick, I launched the Money Skills Activity Badge for Beavers and Cubs, which I was hugely proud of. I made sure we were co-designing with leaders and young people with different cultural, religious and neurodivergent backgrounds, specifically dyscalculia. Outside of work, I would set myself a physical challenge every year (triathlon, half marathon, boxing match), I loved going to gigs, theatre and comedy, and generally being the one you could call on to pick you up from the airport or watch your kids. 

When did you contract COVID, and what has it meant for you since then?

I got it in July 2021, and it changed everything. It was like a very exhausting flu, but after the cough went away and my sense of smell returned (ugh, that was the weirdest part), the fatigue persisted. I felt very weak, exhausted by walking, and my breath felt like hard work. My workplace was kind and patient, but I couldn’t return – I couldn’t guarantee that I could be a reliable colleague, so we had to terminate my contract.

I had to focus on my recovery and, after another year, I realised that this wasn’t recovery, it’s just how my body is now. That acceptance helped to change my attitude. I’m not ‘trying to get better’, I’m accepting this as my best, and let’s start here.

I started sharing my mindset and practical tips on Instagram in March 2024, as @longcovidrockstar, and it has really helped me make something of this experience. I’m still on the sofa 70% of the time, but now I feel a part of something, and that’s huge.

You can follow Amy at her Instagram page, LongCovidRockstar

What are some of the biggest misconceptions people have about Long Covid?

Many people just don’t understand it, and it speaks to a lot of systems that we have been living in: that fatigue is just laziness, and we’re not trying hard enough (capitalism), that it’s probably not as bad as you think (misogyny), or that we are choosing to live like this (ableism). We struggle with the concept of ‘chronic’ conditions because that narrative is ‘you get sick, then you get better’, but these illnesses are lifelong, and it can be scary to see people like me get disabled who were previously very healthy. We represent the fallibility and randomness of the body.

Long COVID has a few cousins (ME, MS, CFS, etc), and it is experienced differently by everyone. 200+ symptoms, 65 million people worldwide, it’s been hard to find a correlation in such a recent illness. Some people recover, others are bedbound, some push through, and everything in between. So that inconsistency makes it hard to understand and, honestly, develop sympathy for people with it. 

What has been the biggest adjustment for you?

Not knowing that I can always rely on my body. The humility that limited energy brings. I walk with a stick now. I use a wheelchair on outings. I can work for 2 hours a week. I cancel plans frequently because I don’t have the energy. I have learned how to give myself grace for all of these – I used to see them as failures, now they are simply how I live, no judgement. 

Learning to accept my vulnerability and ask for (and accept) help. I was so proud of my independence, and this has shown me how much I need my support network – and that it was there all along. There has been some profound heartbreak of some people not staying with me on this journey, and the overwhelming love and understanding I have received from my family and friends who have stuck by me has helped me adjust to this new way of living (and loving). I am very aware that not everyone has this – even just being believed is a really big thing for people with ‘invisible’ illnesses – and so I try to share the love where I can. 

Giving myself the grace to rest, the kindness and patience I speak to myself with now are very different. Like many others, I would assign my value to how much I could do/produce/achieve in each day, that ‘stress meant that I cared enough’, that burnout meant I had worked ‘hard enough’.

I’ve been reading a lot about activist history, and that Audre Lorde line is a foundational tenet now: “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” Do not underestimate just how political it is to claim ownership over your own body, especially a female one, or a queer one, a trans one, or a disabled on, or a Black or Brown one – capitalism forces us to ignore our bodies, and when we rest we are protesting that. We put ourselves first, we deserve it, my one wild and precious life will not be focused entirely on punishing myself, my self, or my body, for your standards.

You are so open on social media about what your life is like with LC. Have you found community online, or how has it been to be so open?

I am very careful about what I choose to share and what I’m ready to talk about, and that will continue to change. I am lucky enough to be working with a great therapist, and through our conversations, I’m learning how to give language to what I’m going through, which I pass on to others in case it’s helpful. I’m also careful about not using social media to heal a wound – that is my job, not the function of likes, or seeking validation in the comments. Maddy Alexander-Grout says, ‘show the scar, not the wound’, so as I heal, I feel more ready to share. My background is in comedy, so it’s been really fun tapping into that and making sketches again (I speak to myself as ‘Ego’ and ‘Grace’ about different aspects of long covid, and they are surprisingly filthy and self-righteous, I really enjoy that). I think my honesty about how hard living with long covid is helps people feel seen, and my practical tips on how to ‘still’ do things help people feel empowered to do things, carefully. 

The community have been amazing, I’ve been so lucky in who continues to show up, and it feels like a very kind and powerful corner of the internet. They’re all on the sofa as well, and just as funny and creative and brave and mouthy and kind, but their frustration is how to ‘still’ be everything that they are, even with long covid. I’m trying to show them that this is still possible. For example, I am still a big rock music fan, but I can’t get out to gigs as much, so I’m on the sofa in leather trousers. 

What quick wins could people put in place to make things (could be workplace or social spaces) more accessible for people with LC?

The quick wins can be “imagine attending this event when you’ve not slept for 3 days, and you have a hangover, and you’ve broken your leg so you’re on crutches”. This will put you in the mind of someone’s exhaustion, nerves about events and their physical mobility:

  • Images/videos of the venue so they can imagine themselves there
  • Free companion ticket
  • Physically accessible space. If it isn’t, then acknowledge this, and ask what access needs might help (e.g. “our front door isn’t accessible for wheelchairs, but we can ensure you a seat in a prime location for the event” or something.)
  • Ask what time of day their energy is best suited to the meeting/conversation
  • Recognise that they will be resting before and after the event, sometimes for days, so if you need a follow-up, be prepared for that.

You can find Amy on her Instagram page at LongCovidRockstar

May 15
Marcia is a Black woman who is wearing gold and brown scarf onher head. She has a black blazer on with gold hoop earrings. She is smiling at the camera while holding a copy of her book, Black, Brilliant and Dyslexic

Marcia Brissett-Bailey on……being Black, brilliant and dyslexic

By Sex & disability, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability

Marcia Brisset-Bailey is the author of the book, ‘Black, Brilliant Dyslexic‘, published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

She was named one of the Top 50 influential neurodivergent women in 2022 and was featured in Forbes. She is a powerful advocate for dyslexic people, in particular neurodivergent young people, empowering them to have confidence and good self-esteem.

Want to find a copy of Black, Brilliant and Dyslexic? Why not visit the Jessica Kingsley Publisher website and use our code, ENHANCE20, to get 20% off?

We sit down with Marcia to find out more about her, her dyslexia and what inspired her book.

Can you tell us about your personal journey with dyslexia and how it has shaped who you are today?
My journey with dyslexia has been deeply layered, shaped by the intersection of being a Black woman from a working-class background. I wasn’t formally diagnosed until I was 16 and in college, but I had always sensed from primary through secondary school that I processed information differently, even if I didn’t yet have the language to describe it.

Growing up, I often felt misunderstood, labelled, or overlooked. I loved learning and had a real passion for school, but it didn’t always love me back. That disconnect created a lot of emotional distress. I developed anxiety and became selectively mute for a time. The experience was traumatic, as on top of that, I felt as a black girl I had to work twice as hard, but it also planted the seeds of my resilience.

Over time, what was once seen as a barrier became a powerful part of my identity. My dyslexia, alongside my cultural heritage, has helped shape my creativity, my perspective, and my ability to think outside the box. It’s taught me how to navigate systems not built with me in mind, and ultimately how to advocate — not just for myself, but for others whose voices are too often unheard especially within marginalised communities.

What were some of the biggest challenges you faced growing up as a Black dyslexic woman?

The intersection of race, gender, and neurodiversity brought a unique set of challenges. As a young Black girl in the education system, my struggles were often misread as slow, just shy and lacking confidence and self-esteem. I didn’t see myself reflected in books or conversations that felt positive about learning differences. That invisibility was tough — it made me question my abilities. But it also fuelled a determination to rewrite the narrative when my school teacher told my parents I would never academically achieve, I want to ensure others do not feel isolated.

What inspired you to create this collection of stories from the Black dyslexic community?
Black, Brilliant and Dyslexic was born out of both frustration and hope. I wanted to create the book I wish I had growing up — a collection that affirms our voices, highlights our strengths, and acknowledges our struggles. Representation matters deeply. When we see ourselves reflected in stories, it opens up a world of possibility. I knew there were powerful voices out there — they just needed a platform.

How did you go about finding and connecting with the contributors to the book?
It was a journey of building trust and community. Some contributors were people I’d followed or connected with through social media or advocacy work. Others were introduced through networks of educators, creatives, and change-makers. Each person brought their truth, courage, and brilliance to the table. I’m so proud of the honesty and vulnerability in these stories.

Were there any stories in the book that particularly surprised, moved, or resonated with you?
Every single story moved me in some way. But I was particularly struck by those who had to navigate silence — those who were undiagnosed for years until they went to university (what happens if you do not go to university, what then?) or had to hide their challenges just to survive. The strength and perseverance in those stories reminded me why this work is so necessary. There’s still so much stigma to break down, but these stories are a step toward healing acceptance and  empowerment.

What advice would you give to young Black dyslexic individuals who are struggling to find their voice or feel seen?
You are not alone, find community groups or hubs you can find to feel supported in the way you think, learning, and see the world is valid and valuable. Don’t let systems that weren’t designed with you in mind define your worth. Find your voice, ask for help, and find your tribe — people who see you and support you. And remember, your story matters. We need your voice in the room, at the table, and in the world.

I am no longer playing small and unapologetically me, a black dyslexic woman. 

Want to find a copy of Black, Brilliant and Dyslexic? Why not visit the Jessica Kingsley Publisher website and use our code, ENHANCE20, to get 20% off?

Want to read more about disabled people and their experiences? Visit our dedicated blog page for more stories!

Apr 15
Split image. On the left is the book cover of “Notes from a Queer Cripple: How to Cultivate Queer Disabled Joy (and Be Hot While Doing It)” by Andrew Gurza. The title features shiny, metallic balloon-style text on a pink and blue gradient background. On the right is a smiling person wearing a bright pink shirt, seated in a power wheelchair with an orange headrest, against a soft yellow background. They are holding the wheelchair controls and looking directly at the camera.

Andrew Gurza….on his new book, online visibility and queer spaces

By Disability, Sex & disability, Undressing Disability

There is no better time to be following Andrew Gurza on Instagram than right now. His debut book, ‘Notes From A Queer Cripple: How to Cultivate Queer Disabled Joy (and Be Hot While Doing It!)‘ is due for release on April 26th through Jessica Kingsley Publishers and it is a joy to read. The book, much like Andrew’s Instagram is an unapologetic, open, honest account of queer disabled experiences and sexuality.

Andrew bounces from topics such as ableism to accessible spaces to the realities of coming out to carers. All this is in his trademark humour and relatable writing style.

Andrew is a young white man sitting in a power chair. He has short brown hair and is smiling at the camera. He has a pink shirt which has two white buttons at the neck. There is a coral-coloured cushion behind his head. He is looks happy and is smiling

We asked Andrew questions about his writing process and what inspired him to write such an important book.

What made you decide to write a book and how was the process?

Funnily enough, I had wanted to write this exact book for years before being approached about it by Jessica Kingsley Publishers.  One of their editorial staff found me through my tweets, and said that they’d love to see an outline for a book, if I would take a meeting.  That was back in 2022.  I signed the contract and then took about 2 years, and several meetings to actually write the book.  I needed a lot of reassurance and encouragement because I didn’t believe that what I was saying had any value.  Once I got in the groove of writing, it was pretty seamless, but unearthing some of those stories and accessing that vulnerability was hard. 

A blue box featuring four books by disabled authors. One of which is Andrew Gurza. It offers 20% off the books by using the code ENHANCE20 and free delivery over £40

Visit the Jessica Kingsley Publishers page to shop the book. Use code ENHANCE20 for 20% off.

How did you find being so open in the book about your sexual experiences and disability?

I have been talking about sex and disability and my experiences for almost 15 years, so I am pretty comfortable doing that.  I love talking about it because I think that it is just as important as talking about ramps, elevators and access, if not more.  While I was comfy doing it, there are some stories that even my family hasn’t heard, so knowing those stories would be out there has been nerve wracking, lol.  (Sorry, mom). 

Why are so many queer spaces so inaccessible for disabled people?

I was ready to write you a big, long, expansive answer but the truth is: ableism.  We have all this money in the queer community to donate to so many causes (and we should!) but for some reason (ableism) we can’t make a club actually accessible?  Come on.  Our attitudes around sex and disability need to change, and we need to address ableism in queer spaces first. 

How do you find being so visible online -do you find it a positive or negative experience? 

I’d be lying if I said it was easy to be disabled online as a public figure.  I am so grateful for all the visibility has brought me; a book, for one.  That said, I won’t lie, it has also been incredibly negative.  Some of the cruelest things I’ve heard have come from other disabled people.  So, I love the platforms that I have built, and I am always learning, growing and apologising when I misstep, but I am also learning to protect my peace.  I am so thankful when someone says they love my stuff, but I am also learning to be thankful when I am called out.  How can I do better?  That’s an important lesson that I am constantly asking myself. 

Your chapter on queerness and caregiving was powerful – what do you wish people knew about care and being queer/non-binary?

I wish that people understood that so many people with disabilities who intersect with queerness and disability who need care, may not be able to be 100% themselves by way of non-binary, gender non-conforming or trans identities, because they need care.  The care system is stuck in a binary place, and so many of us have to hide all of who we are, and that can be exhausting.  

The blue and pink cover of Andrew's book: Notes From A Queer Cripple: How to Cultivate Queer Disabled Joy (and Be Hot While Doing It!)

What was one of the most powerful things you learned while writing the book?

I was constantly reminded that sex and disability are so taboo in 2025.  Every time I recounted one of the essays or sat down to write a new chapter, I realised that I had never seen anything like this in the world.  That realisation was both triumphantly exhilarating but also sad as f*ck.  I hope this book opens the floodgates for other queer cripples to tell their stories.

What advice would you give to other disabled queer people?

Talk about the hard stuff.  Don’t do what every other queer disabled cripple is doing.  Tell your story; I promise, we’ve heard nothing like it.  Fight for sexual rights and autonomy, they’re just as important as other forms of accessibility.  Be more disabled and f*ck the haters.

Visit the Jessica Kingsley Publishers page to shop the book. Use code ENHANCE20 for 20% off.

Want to read more blog posts? Why not visit our blog page

Mar 06
A lavender dial phone on a lavender wooden stool.

Simon Smalley on….life as a disabled gay man in the 1980s

By Disability, Sex & disability, Undressing Disability

We asked the author Simon Smalley to write about experiencing the gay scene as a disabled teenager in 1981. Simon is the author of ‘That boy of yours wants looking at,’ a memoir about growing up in Nottingham. He shares his experiences as LGBT+ History Month comes to an end, highlighting the importance of recognising stories like his all year around.

1981 was the International Year of Disabled Persons, and during the blazing summer, our sweating postman delivered a buff envelope. 

Inside it was a green certificate declaring that I was now officially registered disabled.*

This categorisation had been organised by a Job Centre employee who, with a self-congratulatory white grin, informed me that it would provide my liberation.

Frowning at his curious choice of words, I just had to ask.

“How?”

“As a registered disabled person, you can travel free on the city buses during off-peak times.”

Big deal. Okay, it would get me to the hospital for my grueling physiotherapy sessions five days each week, but it wouldn’t change how I hated my disability. My hatred was primarily due to the local doctor failing to recognise the dislocation of my right hip when I was fifteen. Instead, he’d attributed the cause of my painful, laborious limp to rheumatoid arthritis of the knee. My condition had deteriorated until the next year when an orthopaedic consultant made a correct diagnosis. Although I was immediately hospitalised for corrective surgery, irretrievable damage was already done.

The slip of green paper didn’t provide the liberation that I yearned for as an isolated, frustrated nineteen-year-old gay man. I wanted to meet others like me but faced many self-imposed restrictions about achieving this. I gradually retreated into my psychological shell, still scarred from the beatings administered to me by bullies at school because of my sexuality. Their ammunition was doubled when they added my disability as further justification for attacking me, and ultimately, this unbearable campaign resulted in my suicide attempt.

In my later teenage years, the glossy gay magazines I bought depicted handsome hunks grinning confidently, no doubt at ease with their gym-trim bodies. But none of the tanned Adonises had an atrophied leg four inches shorter than its counterpart, thus necessitating the wearing of an ugly, built-up orthopaedic boot to maintain balance. A copy of the American gay magazine, Blueboy, featured an article about being gay and disabled, but it held no answers for me. I didn’t hate being gay; I only hated that I had allowed my disability to dominate my life and prevent me from meeting other gay men.

My simmering resentment finally boiled over. I phoned Gay Switchboard and explained my predicament. The man on the phone informed me that there were informal twice-weekly social gatherings, which would be a gentle way to ease myself onto the scene. My determination was so overpowering that I went the next evening, yet upon my arrival, I baulked that I had to navigate two flights of steep, narrow stairs to attain my real liberation. Later that evening, I continued my journey by visiting a gay pub and club. Probably because of the secretive aspect of gay life that still prevailed in those days, the scene required venues that were unintentionally inaccessible to lower-body disabled patrons, thus precluding their participation. 

To exemplify this, the gay bar in The Hearty Goodfellow was in the cellar and was reached by a switch-back stairway. Whispers nightclub occupied the ground floor of an old factory, with stairs leading to the vibrant subterranean disco. What was to become my absolute favourite nightclub, Part Two, had a street-level disco and cruise area, but its bar was at the top of several wide steps, and the quieter lounge was up on the first floor. None of these venues contained disabled toilets and were not wheelchair friendly. 

Towards the end of the twentieth century, the accessibility to pubs and clubs for nightlife-loving disabled people improved, as did the attitudes of staff towards those customers, with new build venues factoring accessibility into the design.

Although there are improvements and positive awareness of the disabled population, old stigmas remain. I once challenged a man who felt it acceptable to point at me and loudly complain to his friends about disabled people being allowed into a gay club. I told him that although my disability was evident, there are disabilities that are not immediately noticeable, such as his.

His outrage was instant. “I haven’t got a disability.”

My retaliation was calm. “Yes, you have. Your ignorance and prejudice are your disability.”

As his friends laughed at him, I knew that I’d attained a kind of liberation not intended by my receiving the slip of green paper.

*Please note: This green card and registration are from the disabled person’s Employment Act of 1944. The Government set up a Disabled Persons Employment Register. It was known as the ‘green card scheme’ because certificates were given to disabled people on green cards. This got repealed when the disability discrimination act 1995 and subsequently the Equality Act 2010 came into place.

You can read more of Simon’s work by visiting his website. 

Want to read more of our blogs? Visit our blog page to get access to our articles.

Mar 05
A cartoon of a mobile phone with a question mark

Alix Zander on…..finding your gender, self and identity before the internet

By Disability, Sex & disability, Undressing Disability

How does a queer, non-binary person, who was born before the internet, come to understand themselves?

“Boys will be boys”, but “girls should know better.”

From the moment I became aware that not all kids were the same, I knew I was ‘wrong’. The way that ‘girls’ were expected to behave, the toys they were allowed to play with, the clothes they had to wear, the way grown-ups spoke to them… all very different to the world that ‘boys’ were allowed to inhabit. I didn’t feel like a girl.

It seemed, to me, that boys were allowed to behave mischievously, get grubby, be cheeky, run wild, have adventures, not consider any consequences to their actions. Girls, on the other hand, should play tea parties, dress up dolls, be princesses.

Pass me a bucket! That was not me.

Sealed the deal

For some reason, age 4, we were once sent to the toilet at play time in pairs. I was with a boy. Oh… My…life.  What was that?! He could pee standing up. He didn’t have to go through all the shenanigans of accessing the toilet via various processes of undressing. Just a quick get it out, pee, put it back, done. I was sold and I wanted one of them. And if that’s what being a boy was, then, I wanted in.

Wrong

But nobody believed me! Clearly I wasn’t a boy! I didn’t have the desired body part, and everyone (except me) insisted I was a girl. As we got older, more differences appeared (although I would say now that many are socially constructed and didn’t necessarily ‘prove’ anything) and I realised that I didn’t actually ‘feel’ like a boy either.

Alien

Cue the next 3 decades of my life feeling like a total freak. I felt I must just be inherently wrong.

Everybody else was either male or female, and seemed to be accepting of that. I was convinced I must be some genetic mutation, some weird alien, the only one of my species in existence. But I couldn’t tell anyone.

I already hated being the focus of any attention and every time I had tried to talk about gender I had been shut down. There are boys and there are girls, and boys fall in love with girls, and that’s the way it is. (But don’t get me started on heteronormativity)

No representation

Kids’ TV was a couple of hours a day, on a choice of two channels. Everything else was grown up telly – serious and boring. The internet wasn’t a thing, and there was no point trying to find something in the library – I ‘knew’ I was the only one; so nothing would have been written about it. Everyone on TV was cishet (without the terminology), which reinforced my deeply negative sense of self.

When I was 15 I caught a documentary about a transgender guy. I was blown away to discover that there were people born into the wrong body, and that correction was possible. Except that wouldn’t work for me. I’m not male or female. Again – just me then.

Internet

When the internet arrived, just like with the library, there was no point exploring my ‘condition’. Everything I had ever encountered reinforced that I was just wrong.

Until, completely by accident, aged 32, I discovered the writer Meg-John Barker. They looked like me, dressed like me, sounded like me, and they’re not male or female. M-J is non-binary and there it was… the term for it. It wasn’t just me.

Others

And it turns out, there are others. Who knew!

Artist and film maker, Fox Fisher and their partner Owl (both non-binary) have worked tirelessly to educate and raise awareness around gender and non-binary identities for almost a decade. Christie Elan-Cane has been campaigning for recognition of genderless British citizens for over 30 years. Elan-Cane took the UK Government to the Supreme Court in 2021 for the right to be issued with gender marker X passports.

The case was dismissed and the matter has since been lodged with the European Court of Human Rights, where it has sat since June 2022 awaiting even a first decision.

Pride

The intervening years (almost 20), since discovering it’s not just me, have been a roller coaster of depression, shame, disability, self-exploration and ultimately growth.

Finally I am able to live my authentic life in which I can navigate the world being proud of the unique individual I was always meant to be.

Want to write a blog for us? Visit our page on how to get involved to find out how

Want to read more blogs on disability? Visit our blog page for a list of articles

Jan 28
Censorship and social media: there are lots of cartoon social media buttons like a like, a heart, thumbs up on a peach background

Censorship and Social media: Can we talk?

By Sex & disability, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability

We need to talk about social media. 

It doesn’t feel good out there and if we are honest, it hasn’t for a while. Undressing Disability is a sex-positive, informative, educational resource. We are a campaign run by, designed by, written by disabled and neurodivergent people, for the very community we are a part of. 

It started as a way to showcase how sexy our community is and that disabled people still want and enjoy sex. . It now includes a podcast, educational resources, a free support service called the Love Lounge, events and training. As part of this, we often share photos of sexy disabled people being their gorgeous selves. 

Hell, we’ve even organised the photoshoots!

Noticing the difference

However, it’s getting harder and harder to reach our audience. Earlier this year, we decided to come off Twitter/X after it became apparent our community was leaving – with good reason. While it was hard to say goodbye to the hard work we had put into it, it was the right decision.

Instagram has been the main social media page for us for some time. We have made so many beautiful friendships and collaborations through it. However, Instagram does not enjoy our content nor does it like many of the other sexual health educators, influencers, and workers who are all part of it. We do not use TikTok but do note that we’ve heard similar complaints about the content there. 

Visit our Undressing Disability Instagram page.

We’ve watched as our posts on consent or safer sex are barely viewed compared to ones that aren’t about anything sexual. We’ve tried hiding our words by writing seggs instead of sex. We’ve added the symbols or numbers in desperation, like k!nk instead of kink or even bre@sts instead of breasts. It’s time-consuming, problematic and infuriating. Not to mention, ableist when you consider how many people using screen readers might struggle, or people with dyslexia. It also looks ridiculous. 

It’s important to know the right words for our bodies, our sexual health and our sexuality. By removing such words, we are contributing to health illiteracy. Avoiding these words feeds into the idea that such language is dirty or bad. 

It’s what we have to do to avoid our account not being seen at all, banned, blocked or removed completely. There are so many ways in which this censorship affects disabled/neurodivergent people. We aim to make our social media content as accessible as possible by using things like alt text, checking the colour contrast and video captions. It’s frustrating to have to write @n@l because we can’t use the real word, making the text less accessible. Even putting these words into the actual graphic appears to no longer work. We do offer an alternative, that if people are struggling to read these words, they can get in touch with us and we will type it in a message – but this is a lengthy alternative that frankly, no one should have to do.

This censorship feels as if it ranges from the real (the wording, the blocking and banning) to the ridiculous (apparently we can no longer use the aubergine emoji as it’s flagged as sexy content) to the harmful (the loose wording around sexual roles could place LGBT+ people at a greater risk of censorship). 

How does this harm us?

Hands up if you feel your sex education at school was less than informative? Does the sex information in magazines feature disabled models or voices? How many books are written about sex positions or advice for disabled people vs non-disabled people?

Younger generations are turning to social media to get the education they feel they didn’t get at school. This includes disabled people who are often left out of the conversation entirely. If the chance to access safe, accurate information is removed then where does that leave us? 

Not to mention, creating content is time-consuming, expensive and exhausting. A lot of disabled people do not have the energy or resources to keep replacing content that is taken down nor should they have to.

We travel around the UK with the Love Lounge offering free advice to disabled people. We know that disabled people have a lot of questions about sex, relationships and love. We also know that they often feel lonely and depressed without a community. This is the positive side of social media, it can help people to access information and connect with people. 

Visit our Love Lounge page to find out how to get free, confidential support

So what is the answer?

The immediate response is usually to leave social media. This isn’t possible as to do so leaves charities like ours out of the conversation completely. It means we would struggle to speak to our audience at all. 

The ‘answer’ or the solution is for the social media companies to resolve. This means investing in humans instead of bots when it comes to content moderation and clearer guidelines around their wording. For those of us in the sexual information or education field, is it that they have a special verification mark so that readers know the content is fact-checked and researched?

It might even be that we leave the platform to its own devices and join one made by the community, for the community.

We might even get to use the aubergine emoji again.

Want to join our mailing list to hear all about the events, updates and community news? Visit our mailing page and add your email.

Jan 22
ADHD: A person sitting on a computer on a bed. They are relaxed and wearing a white t-shirt with long dark hair

Love Lounge: I have ADHD and I’m struggling to find a relationship

By Sex & disability, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability

The question:

Hey,

I’m struggling with being newly diagnosed with ADHD in my mid 30’s. I’m very confident, sociable and achieve well at work too.  The area I struggle with is in relationships. I have had people cheat on me, I get bored easily so seek people who are as crazy and fun-loving as me and find dating apps just the worst! The chat is so boring and every time I don’t like someone, I think it must be my fault – why can’t I accept having a normal middle-of-the-road kind of relationship?

The other thing that is worrying me is medication for my ADHD. I like who I am; I like my carefree nature and have real sadness about losing that. Who am I underneath, after the medication suppresses the ADHD? I’m also in therapy at the moment to help adjust to my new diagnosis.

Thanks for your time,

Amy

The answer:

Hello Amy,

Not everybody wants the norm…and in today’s world, we’re able to be freer in our choices of how we date, co-habit, and make a family.  Particularly with more people being diagnosed or identifying as neurodivergent in their 30’s and 40’s this can help explain why they maybe haven’t felt like they’ve wanted or enjoyed the ‘mainstream’ kind of relationship.

Surely, we can’t all be cut out to fulfil society’s doctrine of monogamy and 2.4 children. So cut yourself some slack, you’re not strange or awkward to not find this vision appealing, or doable, for you. Own it and be confident about the type of person and relationship you’re wanting – and then hopefully you’ll attract like minded people. 

With regard to losing your carefree nature – I can understand that fear of loss. I think any kind of therapy, understanding oneself, healing etc can all feel scary because we only know what we know. Who will we be on the other side? That’s a legitimate concern. However, the medication (and therapy) will help you identify behaviours that don’t work for you now, or that create more chaos, and you can find suitable strategies to manage these. If the medication helps take the edge off, it doesn’t mean it will take away your personality – you’ll probably find it just helps you cope, organise, think more easily.

Hopefully alleviating stresses in your life.  It won’t eradicate ‘Amy’.  As you adapt, picking and choosing the traits that you’d like to keep that work for you, and letting go of those that don’t serve you well, people may think you’re behaving differently and therefore be slightly different with you too. That’s normal, you’re no longer playing the role in a game they’re used to you playing. Overtime, you will reassert your boundaries and they will respect this.

It’s a process, but you will only ever be a more enhanced version of you. Remember it is all within your control too – whether you stop meds, do more or less therapy, choose to let people know you’re on a new pathway etc.

Good luck!!

Zoe  

Want to read more about disability, love, sex and everything in between? Of course, you do! Why not visit our page with more Love Lounge questions

 

Jan 06
Accessible Shelters: a person has their hand on the wheel of a wheelchair while facing a long corridoor. We cannot see their face. Only their hand

Six tips for making your shelter or refuge accessible

By Undressing Disability

Data released by Sky News from Women’s Aid shows that “less than 1% of refuge spaces for women fleeing abuse are suitable for wheelchair users.”

You can read the story by visiting the Sky News page 

It can be really difficult to know where to start when it comes to making your shelter more accessible. There are lots of larger changes such as installing ramps or accessible toilets that can take time, planning, funding and builders.

However, there are lots of small changes you can make that will help to make things more inclusive.

Here are 6 changes you can make:

1 – Repeat repeat rephrase

Someone who is coming to a shelter may be in a state of panic or feeling incredibly anxious. When we are anxious, it can be hard to breathe and communicate especially if someone also has a communication impairment. It’s not rude to ask someone to repeat themselves if you are not sure what they are saying. Ask them twice to repeat themselves before you ask them to rephrase what they are asking you. It could be that when they rephrase what they are trying to say, you catch enough of the sentence to understand what they are saying.

Be patient and allow them more time but keep your body language relaxed. If you relax, they will also start to feel less anxious.

2 – Learn how to guide a visually impaired person

It can be really scary leaving someone who is being violent or manipulative, especially if you are relying on that person for assistance. Making sure shelter staff are trained in how to guide someone safely and properly is vital. Booking disability awareness training can help but there are some quick steps to remember:

1 – Introduce yourself and say you work/volunteer for the shelter and tell them what is going to happen. Don’t just lead them somewhere but ask if they need assistance.
2 – Offer a shoulder or an elbow: Ask if it is okay for you to take their hand and place it on your elbow or shoulder. If someone is struggling with body contact or touch, it’s important to get their consent first before taking their hand.
3 – Guide goes first: You need to be the person in front so that they are following your direction.
4 – Move items and people: Move as many obstacles out of the way as possible. It’s good practice going forward to make sure that things like A signage (wet floor signs etc) are not in the middle of the room or that there are no objects for someone to fall over.
5 – Let someone know you are leaving: If you get that person to their seat or the room they need then let them know you are going to go. Otherwise, they may not know where you are.

Want to learn more about guiding? Why not consider booking disability awareness training by visiting our website

3 – Guide Dogs

Not all visually impaired people will have guide dogs but some do. You may also find that some neurodivergent people have support dogs. There are some simple things you can do to accommodate a person’s guide or assistance animal.
1 – Provide a bed for them to rest
2 – Allocate an outdoor space for the animal to go to the toilet and a place to dispose of waste
3 – Remember that people may not like their animals being touched or fed by anyone else. It’s important for staff to remember this.
4 – Provide a water dish if possible or access to clean water.

4 – Consider your forms and information

For some neurodivergent people, forms or large blocks of text can be really tough. Can you consider alternatives for people?
There are lots of different alternatives to written forms or information that you could consider.
Is it possible to create a video which describes the support service or an audio description that can be played? Could you use large print versions of any information or forms that can be downloaded from your website? If someone is available to help, could you assign a volunteer to help a person fill in any forms they are finding difficult?

5 – Ask don’t assume

Ask don’t assume. It’s best to ask someone what their access needs may be. Not every disabled person will have the same access needs. It’s important to listen to what someone tells you about their access requirements. If someone tells you they don’t need assistance or any changes then this should be respected.

Also, if someone tells you that any changes you have implemented are not working, be understanding and initiate a conversation on what to do next.

Check-in after time has passed to make sure that a person’s access needs haven’t changed.

6 – Being aware of your contact details:

With 1 in 6 of the UK population experiencing hearing loss and D/deaf women being twice as likely to experience domestic abuse, refuges must be accessible for people who are D/deaf.
Consider how D/deaf and hard-of-hearing people can contact your support service.

There are lots of options, including:
1- Providing a mobile number so people can text you
2- Providing a monitored email address
3- Ensuring staff are aware of the Relay UK service – a free service which allows deaf or hard of hearing people to communicate with you via an operator who types what is said for the deaf person and speaks, if needed, what they type. All they need is a free downloadable app and access to the internet.

We also offer free downloadable resources that can help you to learn more.

We would suggest our resource on making shelters accessible for Deaf people and our other resource on accessible retail spaces. This includes practical advice on making buildings accessible that could be adapted for wheelchair users.

Download our resources by visiting our dedicated page

Nov 21
A white wine glass against a black background and warm fairy lights. A big pink circle announces there is an event called Mingle all the way on dec 4th

Enhance the UK/Undressing Disability – Mingle all the Way

By Event, Sex & disability, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability

Enhance the UK/ Undressing Disability would like to invite you to a ‘mingle all the way’ festive evening to celebrate all their achievements this year.

Enhance the UK is a user-led disability charity that not only runs worldwide campaigns around dispelling myths about disability but also delivers groundbreaking training across the UK and beyond. Join us to find out more!

We have transformed our central London location into an alpine , ski retreat lodge and want you to pop in and get all cosy for the evening.

Included in this invite will be :

  • Free drinks and festive nibbles
  • Entertainment from the first and only amputee drag queen in the world -Eileen Eifell (I lean – I fell….)
  • Photo opportunities in our amazing decor and photobooth
  • Much more…..

It’s a unique opportunity to connect with like-minded professionals while celebrating the season in style!

At the event, we’ll also be sharing information about our disability awareness training and unveiling new courses for 2025.

Event Details:
🗓 Date: Wednesday, December 4
🕒 Time: 5:30 – 9 pm
📍 Location: Sketch House 36 Clifton Terrace Finsbury Park London N4 3JP

Please RSVP to secure your spot by visiting the event link

*Please email hello@enhancetheuk.org for any access or dietary requirements. Examples of access requirements could include accessible route maps, BSL interpreters, accessible toilets, BSL interpreters or quiet rooms.

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