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Nov 08
A red and black typewriter with one single sheet of white paper

Love Lounge: Disabled, deaf and looking for love….help!

By Sex & disability, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability

The question:

Dear Love Lounge,

I’m disabled (I’m deaf and have difficulty with mobility) and have been keenly watching Married At First Sight.  It’s been great to see a deaf person represented in Ross. But it’s been making me feel even more sad because I see how easily he’s got into this relationship with Sacha and how she’s so accepting of him, and I have never experienced that.  I feel like more of a failure – am I so bad? Am I ugly? Or is it because I also have mobility issues that people don’t want me?

I know I’m being self-pitying but I’m cross that it has made me feel like this when I should be excited that a deaf person is being seen on tv and having a successful relationship.

Sorry but I just need some support.

Sam

The answer:

Hi Sam,

I can really appreciate how you feel when you see others being able to do something that you’re really wanting to do, especially when you see them with the thing that you feel limits you.

It could be that you perceive your disability as a negative thing and don’t go out there with your confident pants on and feeling proud of who you are. But that’s never easy, particularly if your self-worth has been dented.

Have you had therapy before to learn to be comfortable with your identity and how you are in the world? It sounds like this could be useful for you. I had lots of therapy until I learnt to not be so hard on myself and have some self-acceptance and kindness towards myself. It can be a looong road, but a very worthwhile one.

Once confidence oozes out of you, people will be attracted to that, and your disability won’t be the main thing they focus on.

Whilst MAFS is great to watch, let’s remember it’s for entertainment and they have had the amazing opportunity of the experts matching them with someone. If only we could all have that! However, that’s not to undermine that Ross is obviously very confident, attractive and used to having relationships and you seeing that makes you feel worse.

Myself and other colleagues can also feel inadequate when we see other disabled people on social media being ultra positive and looking like they can conquer anything.. it’s a real thing, even for us who advocate for disabled people and have confidence around it. What we see either on TV or social media is never the whole story, this is why it’s so important for everyone to be authentic and show vulnerabilities too… if you spoke to Ross, you’d surely hear that he’s lacked confidence, found times hard etc. We all have. Try and remember that, and you will have your own story. You may be doing things that other people wish they could achieve.

With more representation though, non-disabled people will realise they can have lovely relationships with disabled people and it is not something to be nervous about.

Try and get yourself out there, socialise with like-minded people, who have similar interests as you and shine from within. That’s what attracts people.

Write out 10 things you love about yourself now and say them to yourself in the mirror every morning and night. Let’s start building your self worth and confidence!

Take care,
Zoe

Looking to read more Love Lounge questions? Why not visit our Love Lounge blog to find more questions and the answers written by our experts.

Nov 04
transgender flag in pink, blue and white

Ayman Eckford on …. being a trans* person and having ADHD

By Sex & disability, Undressing Disability

Ayman Eckford is many things – a human rights activist, a writer, a Ukrainian refugee to name a few. Ayman is also trans* and has ADHD. In this personal piece, Ayman shares their take on the intersection between trans* and ADHD experiences, and how we can all do better to support trans* and ADHD kids to live life as their authentic selves.

Note: Ayman has chosen to use an asterisk after the word “trans” throughout this article, which denotes a number of identities within the gender identity spectrum.

There is a lot of commonality between being a trans* person and being an ADHDer. For example, most of the books about your condition are written by people who have never experienced it.

At the same time, there are a lot of people like you in the modern day media, even some celebrities are trans* or ADHDers, but despite that, if you are young, it may feel like you are the only one in the universe. Maybe you don’t even know who you are. Or if you do, you may feel doomed because the world is trying to change you.

Being trans and neurodivergent

At least this is how it was for me, when I had no idea what the world “trans” meant but was a three-year-old transgender child who was considered to be a girl but knew that they were anything but a girl. I was also a kid who was “naughty,” a kid who was always rushing and fussing around. I spent almost all my time in kindergarten running around, unable to concentrate or speak with my peers. I couldn’t sit still in my school lessons. I didn’t want any attention, I didn’t want to be different and be bullied, but I couldn’t help it. I just stood up and began to walk around the class during lessons, knowing how angry my parents would be, knowing how other kids would make jokes about me – maybe even kick me – because of it. But I just couldn’t help it. My parents didn’t know that I’m an ADHDer and Autistic, or, more likely, they were too scared to find out. My parents also didn’t know that I’m trans, bullying me for any attempts to use a male pronoun. They would abuse me even more if they knew.

For them, I was sinful, lazy, and broken, and I believed that I was, until I realised that it’s the world that is broken because of its ignorance, not me. This realisation helped me to create the first pro-neurodiversity group in Ukraine and Russia, and become one of the first people to speak and write about trans* neurodivergent experiences in Eastern Europe. I was trying to be the person I needed when I was younger.

Society lets trans* and ADHD kids down. Even some modern Americans and British journalists that accept the LGBT+ community and behave respectfully toward neurodivergent adults, are trying to silence trans* and neurodivergent teenagers, and justify all those “well-meaning,” conservative parents who broke their queer and neurodivergent children.

It is interesting that despite the hardship of living with a double stigma, there are a lot of openly trans* ADHDer activists both in the disability rights space and in the LGBT+ community. Some studies show that there are more trans* people among ADHDers than among the general population, but the reason is still unknown. Maybe we are just used to being different. Maybe, despite everything, it is not so scary to recognise one more “atypical” trait when you’ve already considered it to be weird. Maybe there is a real correlation.

Transgender and neurodiversity acceptance

And I think that the neurodiversity paradigm could help a lot in trans* acceptance. Neurodiversity paradigm is basically an idea that there is no one right way that the human brain should work, and that neurological diversity is as normal as different ethnicities and sexual orientations.

Let me make it clear: I am not considering ADHD and autism to be a disorder. I would hate the idea of research with a goal to prevent people like me from being born, or prevent another child from thinking the way I’m thinking. But at the same time, for me, ADHD is a disability, not only because society disables me but also because I need dopamine medication to better deal with everyday tasks. Of course, in a world where everyone is ADHDer, non-ADHDers would also need some additional support.

The same with being trans. I feel like I need hormone therapy and surgery to be me. In many ways, being trans has a lot in common with being disabled, especially if you have gender dysphoria. Trans* people often need additional medical support, but this doesn’t mean that trans* people are “sick” (which is why I support the de-pathologization of “transgenderism”).

Being trans* is also not about being politically left, progressive, or sex-positive. It is not about being part of any dominant queer subculture. Just like ADHD and autism, is not something that you could be “groomed into” or something that determines your views on economy, religion, and politics. When I was a libertarian right and conservative Christian teen, it didn’t automatically make me cis and neurotypical. It just made me a trans* teen for whom it was more difficult to figure out their identity.

One of the biggest mistakes that the media is making is trying to made trans* existence and trans* rights, especially trans* youth rights look like a part of an ideology. This is why I believe we can all learn a lot from the social model of disability and pro-neurodiversity movement that could really help trans* activists, and LGBT+ movements in general.


You can support Ayman by following @ayman_eckford on Instagram and X (formerly Twitter).

Want to write a blog post for us? Why not find out how by visiting our page on getting involved.

Oct 03
Dee Smith looks directly at the camera while smiling. They have long brown hair and are not wearing a top.

Dee Smith on…..disability advocate work

By Sex & disability, Undressing Disability

Dee Smith on…..disability advocate work

At just 27 years old, disabled model and writer Dee Smith has modelled for London Fashion Week, featured in Cosmopolitan magazine, and launched her own podcast.

We spoke to her about how she’s combining creativity and disability advocacy to champion self-expression and inclusivity for disabled people.

Tell us more about your disability advocacy work. What is it all about and what made you want to start advocating in the first place?

I’m creative. All my advocacy work revolves around things I love and am passionate about, such as creating a photoshoot to model or writing a poetry piece. I went from able bodied to disabled and all of a sudden I noticed how ableist and inaccessible the world is because of toxic stereotypes that are NOT true. So I intended to change that through creative avenues.

You’ve modelled at London Fashion week and share images from many amazing photoshoots via your Instagram. What do you love most about modelling?


The freedom to be creative! I get to be anyone and do anything. I can be artistic, scary, beautiful, sexy, honest. The possibilities are endless! Plus, it inspires others and shows people what I and other disabled people can do. It educates.

How has your relationship with sex and desirability changed since becoming disabled?

It was a journey. I went from thinking I was undesirable and unwanted because of my disability and what society has told us. I had to learn to love my own body and embrace my sexuality again. Learning to love all of me, disability and all, has been a journey.

What is one myth or stereotype about disabled people that you would like to dispel?
That we aren’t sexy, beautiful, and desirable with needs.

What are your goals for the future? Do you have any dreams you hope to realise or upcoming projects you’d like people to know about?

My goals are to advocate more in bigger, more mainstream media where disabled advocacy can be heard and taught. Hopefully branching out into acting. I also have a podcast on Spotify called Training Wheels where I talk to all kinds of people, from all walks of life, and ask them to share their stories.

You can find out more about Dee and support her work via her Instagram @dee_smithxoxo and her podcast “Training Wheels” is available to listen on Spotify.

Sep 19
A collection of light pink hearts

Sam Ranke on…the importance of finding your tribe

By Disability, Sex & disability, Undressing Disability

Most well rounded, emotionally available people would like to think they are somehow impermeable to bias. That being a good human arms you with a cloak against the unconscious bias that seeps in all around us. 

Unfortunately, the “good person, bad person” binary doesn’t exist when we look at prejudice and discriminatory ideologies and actions. Truth is we are all born into a world where harmful stereotypes and tropes are systemic, institutional, and darn insidious in their nature. We all inhale the unconscious bias smog that seeps in around us, through our media and social structures 

This also includes me. 

Three people are in a group: one person is wearing a black dress and holding a pink heart balloon, another is sitting in a wheelchair wearing a leopard print top and black hat. The other person is standing wearing all black

Oh yes, for years my ableism was real and stank! 

What’s more important however is how I got to where I am today. As a proud Disabled woman. 

At the ripe old age of thirty-eight, I’d describe myself as a cat mum, Buffy The Vampire Slayer über fan, home interior enthusiast. An actor, broadcaster, podcast host and consultant yet, my most treasured accolade to date is being able to say, without hesitation, that I am a proud Disabled woman. 

This, however, did not happen overnight. Coming to this conclusion and feeling it deep within my soul, in every ounce of my being, took years and still sometimes feels like an uphill battle just to maintain. 

For the past twelve years I’ve devoted almost all of my career and free time supporting and learning more about Disability culture and the Disabled community. Trying my best to amplify the voices of my fellow community whilst learning to love my own difference and feel pride in a part of my life that holds such presence in my day-to-day life. 

I was born with a condition often referred to as Brittle Bones, essentially my body does not produce type one cologne. This means my bones and organs are weak. I’ve had hundreds of fractures throughout my life and as a baby would be carried like a prized chihuahua on a cushion, too fragile to be cradled typically how babies would (this fact often makes me chuckle, as I question where my Diva behaviour comes from – (Clearly, we have the answer.)

I was the only person in my family with this condition and it came as a surprise to them all.  

Two years ago, I published my memoir You Are The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread and during this process I had the pleasure of interviewing my mum. Heartbreakingly she describes my birth more like a bereavement rather than a day of joy and celebration. Not only did no one come to the hospital to beam congratulations or go for a few drinks to wet the baby’s head. No, they all saw my birth as a tragedy. Even the doctors who delivered me braced my young parents for the worst: “I’m so sorry there is something wrong with your baby” an all too familiar sentence. 

You see, not only had I come into this world with a diagnosis – brittle bone disease – but I came into this world with a label. That label was Disabled. 

Synonymous with shouldn’t, couldn’t and wouldn’t.

I’ve spent all my life negating those labels. Yet, even as tenacious and feisty as I am, I too fed into the belief that Disabled meant lesser than. Less cool, less accomplished, and worst of all less deserving. 

I grew up with the same teenage angst and body image issues as most kids but on the whole, I liked who I was for the most part. I was sociable and had many friends. Sure, as I grew the more, I noticed how my Disability was an issue for others, but I still had a good grounding in self-love. I liked me, but I really didn’t like other Disabled people. 

In fact, growing up I didn’t ever mix with any other Disabled kids outside the parameters of going to my annual check-up at my specialist hospitals. 

Then and only then did I meet other people in wheelchairs or with the same condition as me, brittle bones. When I looked at them, all I saw were the stereotypes or at least that’s what I convinced myself I saw. 

Sam has long blonde hair and is wearing a light green hate. She is sitting in a wheelchair holding a red shiny balloon shaped like a heart. She wears a white shirt and black skirt

Truth is, I was so scared to identify with any part of my Disability identity that I didn’t allow myself to even befriend or acknowledge others from my community. 

This may come as a shock to some of you reading this as horrible as my ableism was, I wouldn’t say I am ashamed to admit that this is how I spent most of my childhood and young adulthood, rejecting disability culture and other Deaf and Disabled people. 

Can you blame me? 

I had no one telling me it was okay to be Disabled, more than ok, it was beautiful, and I should be unapologetic about it. 

I had no one tell me I was allowed to feel pride and love for a part of me that had shaped who I am today. No one had told me that I could be loved as a Disabled woman or feel like I could be admired and cherished. 

I had convinced myself that the only way I could and would be accepted by society was if I shunned anything that encapsulated any part of my Disability identity. 

This, however, was a very lonely path. 

Not only because I needed to be told that I am worthy of everything life has to offer and more but also because other Disabled people are bloody amazing and I absolutely needed some of that energy in my life. 

I’d lived in a world that pushed the divide and conquer narrative because alone we are easy to manipulate. Alone, we are not strong, alone we are vulnerable. 

What I really needed was my tribe. Because once I found them my life changed forever. 

This is where I do a shameless plug for my memoir You Are The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread available in hardback and audio, to find out exactly what happened when I embraced my Disability identity, my tribe and my community. 

You can purchase You Are The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread by visiting this link to the Amazon website.

Aug 07

Thinking of trying anal sex?

By Disability, Sex & disability, Undressing Disability

Thinking of trying anal sex?

Anal sex can be a completely natural, normal and fun part of your sex life. However, it is something that needs a bit of planning before you start. If you are disabled or neurodivergent then you may have some extra questions about it.

Our helpful blog will explain what you need to know about anal sex, disability and neurodiversity.

What is anal?

Anal sex is any sexual activity involving the anus. This could be using fingers, toys, penis or tongues (rimming). Lots of people enjoy anal sex as part of their regular sex life but some may find it too painful or dislike the idea of it.

What do I need to know?

1 – Use lube: It’s important to invest in a good lubricant and keep applying it. Silicone lubricants are considered best for anal sex as they don’t dry out as quickly. However, it’s important to note if the lube you are using is safe for use with condoms and toys.

2 – Communication: Keep communication going with your partner to know if anything changes for them during sex. This could be that you need more lube, or it has started to hurt or if they want to stop.

3 – Condoms: Using condoms can help keep you safe from STI/Ds.

Anal and toys:

There are lots of different toys created with anal in mind! While there are some that you can try like butt plugs or anal beads, it is important to check that whatever you opt for is safe. Toys that are safe for use in the anus will have a flared base that stops the body from sucking a toy upwards. This is why bullet vibrators are not safe for use in the anus because it is difficult to remove them and may require surgery. Always check a toy is safe before you use it – If in doubt, leave it out!

Looking for a good accessible sex toy suitable for anal?

Discover is a wand with a little extra. Developed between Undressing Disability and Rocks Off, Discover is part of the Quest range which is developed with accessibility in mind.  The wand is a rechargeable, vibrating body wand for intimate use with two attachments and remote control with large buttons. It offers six vibration settings and is made from sensory soft touch silicone which is body safe

Visit the Rocks Off website to view the Discover wand

Anal sex and pain

If you are experiencing pain, it’s important to stop. You could be experiencing pain for any number of reasons and risk causing more damage to the body by continuing.

Anal and bowel conditions

If you have a condition like Crohn’s or one that affects the bowel, you may be worried about the risks. The lining of the bottom and rectum is very thin which means there is a chance it could be damaged meaning that you risk an infection from anal sex if there is a cut in your bottom. If you have inflammation as a result of your Crohn’s, then the risk of damage may be higher especially if you have any ulcers or bleeding.

Strictures, which some people with Crohn’s may experience, might cause tightening making anal sex difficult or slightly more painful. You can reduce the risk by using lube, having good foreplay and making sure you are as relaxed as possible during sex. Going on top may reduce the risk because you can control the depth and speeds too.

Try to avoid sex during a flare-up and give your body a chance to recover. If you do want to have sex then look at other positions until you feel well enough to retry anal sex. Pain or bleeding is usually a sign that you need to stop until you are fully healed.

Anal sex and douching

Some people may choose to douche before anal sex to clean the bottom. This is thought to reduce accidents but can sometimes cause inflammation. If you don’t or can’t douche, then you might choose to gently clean the area instead

Remember, it’s personal choice and up to you to decide if you do or don’t douche.

Poop happens!

Sometimes nothing will happen then other times you will find that there might be a small amount of poop. This is no reason to feel embarrassed or upset, it is completely normal. Just make sure to jump into the shower.

It is natural to be worried about faeces or blood during anal sex especially if you have a condition that involves either. Pressure on the body in that particular area or the stomach can also add to the feeling of needing to go to the bathroom. It is worth communicating with your partner to discuss the potential outcome and prepping the area beforehand so you have towels close to hand or lube nearby.

You could also consider using gloves, dental dams and other protection to stop things from spreading or transferring. Everything – including toys – should be cleaned afterwards to prevent bacteria or anything nasty.

Positioning the body

Researching the right position for you and your body can take a while but its worth putting in the time. It can help you to feel more confident and keep any aches or pains to a minimum. This can include pillows, bolsters, wedges or any other positioning equipment that can help your body be in this position.

Lube and sensitivity

We already mentioned that lube is a must-have for anal sex as is finding the right one. It’s worth noting that some neurodivergent people may struggle with the texture of different lubes or the smell. Flavoured or fruity lubricants may have a strong smell which is difficult for some people. It might take a little while to shop around to find the right one.

We have loads of blog posts! Fancy reading more about sex, love and disability? Of course you do. Please visit the Undressing Disability blog section of our website to scroll through our selection.

Jul 18
Menopause event: A red heart shaped balloon floating against a pink wall

Love Lounge next event: Menopause meet up!

By Disability, Event, Sex & disability, Undressing Disability

Menopause meet up:

We are pleased to announce our next Love Lounge event! We have partnered with the wonderful Vagina Museum in London and the experts at the Menopause Consortium to hold a very special event on October 24th

As part of our Love Lounge events, we will give you the chance to ask the experts anything you want on menopause, body, mind and soul. As well as what this might mean for transgender and non-binary people going through menopause or any menopause and career-based questions.

What happens on the night:

Enhance the UK CEO Jennie Williams will host a panel discussion with our experts before a social event. As part of our social event, you can meet the makers who are shaking up the menopause care industry and secure some goodies and discounts!

There are goodie bags for the first 30 people to enter the event with all proceeds from ticket sales going to Undressing Disability and the Vagina Museum.

The details:

Date: 24.10.24 7pm – 9 pm

Location: The Vagina Museum, 276 Poyser St, London E2 9RF

Click here to go to the Vagina Museum website

Meet the experts

We’ve combined expert doctors from the Menopause Consortium, transgender menopause researchers from the Nottingham Transgender Health Centre in Nottingham, employment and wellness experts to make an incredibly knowledgable panel.

Dr Liz Tatham: systemic physiotherapist at Menopause Consortium

Liz is a highly experienced Systemic Psychotherapist with over 30 years of experience working in the NHS and the last 10 years as a private psychotherapist. Her passion for mental health began when she trained as a Psychiatric nurse many years ago. However, it was not until she completed her Systemic Psychotherapy training in 2001 and went on to tutor on the same course at the University of Birmingham that her career really took off.

Although Liz enjoyed teaching, she was keen to return to clinical practice, and so she began working independently. Her experience has been diverse, having worked with families and individuals in various settings, including within the context of mental health, such as the Nottingham Eating Disorder team. It was during this time that Liz became increasingly interested in hormonal health and early-onset menopause.

Dr Joanne Hobson: Clinical lead, director and menopause specialist at Menopause Consortium. MBBS, DRCOG, BMS Menopause Specialist.

Dr. Joanne Hobson is renowned for her expertise in menopause care and advocacy for women’s well-being. As a British Menopause Society Menopause specialist and a member of the Institute of Psychosexual Health, Dr. Hobson has dedicated her career to revolutionising menopause care and reshaping healthcare professional education.

With a background as a General Practitioner, Dr. Hobson embarked on a transformative journey that led her to become a leading force in community gynaecology and menopause care. Over the past 15 years, she has served both in the National Health Service (NHS) and her private practice, touching the lives of countless women with her empathetic and evidence-based approach.

Dr. Hobson’s commitment to education is as steadfast as her dedication to patient care. She is a trainer for the British Menopause Society and previously was a Principal Trainer with the Faculty of Sexual Reproductive Health (FSRH) in menopause care. Through these roles, she has contributed to raising the standards of menopause care by equipping healthcare professionals with the latest insights and best practices.

Dr. Joanne Hobson’s legacy will be one of empowerment, education, and unwavering dedication to women’s health.

Dr Carrie Martin: pelvic health physiotherapist at Menopause Consortium

Carrie is a highly skilled and compassionate Pelvic Health Physiotherapist dedicated to improving the lives of women through specialised care.

Carrie’s journey in the field of physiotherapy began at The University of Nottingham, where she obtained her BSc Hons degree in Physiotherapy in 2012. After graduating, she embarked on a career in the National Health Service (NHS) at Nottingham University Hospitals. Over ten years, she honed her expertise in various aspects of physiotherapy while working alongside renowned clinical specialists, therapists, and consultants.

During her time at Nottingham University Hospitals, Carrie developed a deep interest in pelvic health. Recognizing the profound impact that pelvic floor issues can have on a person’s quality of life, she dedicated herself to expanding her skills and knowledge in this specialized area. Her determination to provide the highest standard of care led her to transition into the private sector, allowing her to extend her services and reach more women in need.

Carrie’s expertise in pelvic health encompasses a wide range of conditions and concerns. She has successfully treated numerous women experiencing bladder problems, bowel problems, prolapse, pelvic floor dysfunction, sexual dysfunction, and the challenges of recovering from childbirth. Additionally, she offers guidance and support to women navigating the menopause.

Click here to visit the Menopause Consortium website

Margarita Bennett: wellness, Clinical Massage Therapist, Cranio Sacral Practitioner & pre/postnatal Specialist.

Margarita is a Clinical Massage Therapist, Cranio Sacral Practitioner, Pre and Postnatal Specialist, and Psychic Healer. With nearly two decades dedicated to understanding the human body, she has supported countless patients on their healing journeys.

She works with a huge spectrum of individuals from Depression to Cancer, from Fibromyalgia to post-operative, from fertility, prenatal or postnatal issues to Menopause. People of all ages and genders. She runs a successful practice in East Sussex, England, and she is also a wife and mother of two teens.

Claire Holland: Deputy CEO of Enhance the UK / Undressing Disability

Claire Holland has previously worked in Education, social care and for various charities in advice and advocacy roles. Through her role at Enhance the UK, Claire has a wealth of experience of training and consulting with organisations on topics such as inclusion, the equality act, legal duties and disability awareness.

You can click here to visit the Enhance the UK website

Dr Nat Thorne HND, BSc, MSc, Education, Evaluation and Research Associate at the Nottingham Centre for Transgender Health

Dr Nat Thorne started their career and an LGBTQ+ journalist, freelancing for Diva, The Pink Paper and national press before becoming the editor of Fyne Times magazine. During their 16 years as a journalist, they also studied for a BSc in Psychology and took the big step of leaving their editorial career to come to the University of Nottingham where they completed their Masters and their PhD.

Their thesis examined mental health in non-binary people and how language has a negative influence on this. After graduation,  they joined the Nottingham Centre for Transgender Health as a Research Lead where they have been involved in research relating to health disparities for trans people and menopause in the LGBTQ+ population. Nat was also the founding Chair of a local support charity called Notts Trans Hub.

Click here to visit the Nottingham centre for Transgender Health

Meet the makers

Meet the meno-makers: There are so many wonderful companies out there making products designed to make our menopause easier. We couldn’t resist inviting some of the best in the business to come and share their expertise with you.

Rocks Off Ltd is the leader in their field and recently launched (in collaboration with us!) the amazing Quest range of accessible sex toys. Rocks Off has pioneered some of the biggest changes in the sex toy market such as the world’s first liquid silicone, a hands-free C-shaped product.

Rocks Off will bring the incredible Quest range to the event where you can talk to the experts about all things sexy toy-related. They will also be sharing some of their new range with us.

Click here to visit the Rocks-Off website 

About the Menopause Consortium

Dr. Hobson together with Sally Kitchen, created The Menopause Consortium a visionary initiative that is transforming menopause care on multiple fronts.

Driven by their shared vision, Dr. Hobson and Sally Kitchen have laid the foundation for a new era in women’s health, driven by the Three Pillar approach – Patient Care, Education for Healthcare Professionals, and Corporate Training.

*Thank you to Auris Ear Care!

Auris Ear Care is the UK’s first CQC regulated on demand ear care clinic. They provide ear wax removal, ear infection treatment and ear foreign body removal services throughout the UK. Thank you for your generosity and we look forward to receiving our branded backdrop.

Jul 17
Undressing Disability: A group of very hot disabled people standing in their underwear smiling at the camera

How to get involved with Undressing Disability

By Disability, Event, Sex & disability, Undressing Disability

How To Get Involved With Undressing Disability

Do you like what we do? Looking to find info on how you can support us?

Keep reading and learn how to get involved with our Undressing Disability campaign.

First of all – who are we?

Undressing Disability is a campaign by Enhance the UK. Our campaign is dedicated to raising and improving the standards and awareness of sexual health for people with disabilities.

Visit the Enhance the UK website

Living with a disability can be an isolating experience. Alongside any physical barriers, there continues to be a significant amount of prejudice towards disability within society.

Many people mistakenly believe that disabled people can’t, don’t, or won’t engage in sexual activity. This is simply not true – we’re all sexual beings. However, this stigma is often internalised by disabled people, leading to self-esteem and confidence issues. 

Disability can have a significant impact on someone’s sex life, but it seems like not many people are out there wanting to talk about it. Our mission here is to improve sexual health standards and awareness for disabled people. We want to ensure they have access to fulfilling sex, dating, and relationship lives that all of us deserve.

Click to see more information on the Undressing Disability campaign

So, what does Undressing Disability do?

A whole bunch of stuff!

  • Share expert advice, resources, training and education 
  • Run campaigns on sex, love and relationships
  • Run free Love Lounge sessions 
  • Host a podcast and events 
  • Have developed Quest, a new range of accessible sex toys

Why volunteer or fundraise for us?

Your fundraising and volunteering efforts are vital in keeping our campaign going. We’re a small charity, so the impact of your support is substantial. Your support goes towards:

  • Keeping our free services ongoing (we cannot do this without funding coming in)
  • Providing services that are vital to disabled people who need help or might feel lonely
  • Helping us to reach more disabled people who need our services 

We’d be remiss not to point out that choosing to support us through volunteering or fundraising delivers on the feel-good factor. It’s also a lot of fun!

What types of fundraising can you do?

Fancy doing a little fundraising for Undressing Disability? There’s no end to the types of money-raising activities in which to get involved! We encourage you to use your interests as a jumping-off point, whether you’re a keen runner looking to take on a marathon or love hosting coffee mornings.

Click here to contact us with your ideas, and let’s have a chat!

For those who want to get involved, we run a breakthrough board that anyone can join. This is a dedicated community of fundraisers who work together to achieve donation goals. 

What volunteering opportunities are there?

Volunteering more up your alley? There’s a whole load of volunteering opportunities to get involved with, including:

  • Donating spaces and venues to hold Undressing Disability events 
  • Writing blogs for our website
  • Helping out with our social media channels
  • Skill sharing – think photography, videography, graphic design, and all that good stuff

Just a heads up that we don’t offer work experience or office-based volunteering. But if you have an idea, let us know – suggestions are always welcome!

Jul 05
Disability Pride Month: A rainbow flag floating in the air against a clear blue sky

What is Disability Pride Month and why do we need one?

By Disability, Sex & disability, Undressing Disability

What is Disability Pride Month and why do we need one?

Happy Pride Month everyone!

June and July mark queer/LGBT+ Pride Month and Disability Pride Month. While most people will know what LGBT+ Pride Month is and how it is celebrated, there is more confusion around Disability Pride Month.

If you have ever wondered what, when and most importantly how to mark the occasion, then our blog will explain everything you need to know.

Why do we need Pride months?

Pride months allow us to celebrate, mark and commemorate our communities. Queer Pride started as a protest and has now become a joyful occasion which aims to make the community more visible. It also retains its roots in political protest by highlighting the struggles of LGBT+ people.

Disability Pride Month works similarly in that it aims to highlight the difficulties that disabled people face while connecting the community and making it more visible.

What is Disability Pride Month

In July, disabled and neurodivergent people mark Disability Pride Month in many ways. Some people may prefer to use the month to share political views, comment on current affairs close to the interests of disabled people or campaign for change. Others may prefer to host or attend events for the community aimed at creating safe, accessible spaces.

Some people may also use the month to share information on their situation or health conditions. Many may use hashtags to connect and make their related content more visible.

Disability Pride is built upon the social model of disability and is described as moving away from the medical model of disability. The social model of disability identifies barriers, organisational barriers, negative attitudes, and/or social exclusion which make it difficult for disabled people to go about their everyday activities. The social model seeks to change these barriers rather than a person’s impairment. When these barriers are removed, disabled people can be independent and equal.

There is no right or wrong way to mark the month!

When is disability Pride month?

The entire month of July starting on the 1st.

Why are you talking about disability and joy?

Quite frankly, it’s grim out there.

Between the cost of living crisis, general elections, war….there are multiple reasons why the current climate feels very negative and depressing at the moment. Not to mention, we are often juggling our own health and healthcare which isn’t easy.

Finding time for some joy is essential self-care. It allows us to stop, take a moment and find a way to feel a bit of happiness and maybe a chance to smile.

We asked disabled/neurodivergent people to share with us what brings them joy. This could be what they do for self-care, something about disability that they like or something they love that makes them smile.

What to learn more about Pride month? Visit our blog on the celebration.

What makes you feel joyful?

“It doesn’t necessarily mean I’m proud of my deafness and my other disabilities as such, it means more that I’m not ashamed of them and I don’t feel I need to make excuses or hide my true self. It means I can be myself authentically and unapologetically. Do I some times wish them away, yes, when I’m in pain or I’m feeling frustrated. Do I want to always feel like that, no I don’t, because people around me accept me for me and I accept me for me. That’s what disability pride means to me” – Jennie Williams

“I love Disability Pride Month as I love that anyone who’s disabled, and there’s a lot of us, comes together to show the entire world just how amazing we are.” – Luke Sowden

Jun 25
Sex positive party: two women are sitting on the floor at a party sharing a glass of champagne

How to go to a sex positive party and where to find them

By Disability, Sex & disability, Undressing Disability

Ever wanted to go to a sex-positive party, kink night or fetish event but not really sure how? Don’t worry, you are not alone as it can be really daunting to go to your first event let alone sorting out accessibility or what to wear.

There has been a growth in the number of open-minded, queer-friendly, accessible and sex-positive events in the past year. Everywhere from Leeds to London is getting their best harness on and heading out.

Judging the accessibility of events is difficult. By nature, these events are pop-ups that move from venue to venue. The best thing to do is to research and contact the organisers ahead of time. Keeping an eye on their social pages is a great way to stay ahead of any updates or venue changes.

Here is our guide to getting started with sexy events and where to find them.*

Cabaret Identitease

It can be scary going from zero to sex parties so burlesque is a great place to start out or if you prefer a bit of a tease! Cabaret Identitease is a burlesque night with a difference. The group are queer, disabled cabaret performers.

If you fancy getting involved, the group also offer seated burlesque workshops. The events change location but there are often detailed access lists on their page which can be downloaded ahead of the event.

Visit their Instagram page

 

Pinky Promise World

A collective of sensual, hedonistic pleasure seekers who organise parties, workshops, cabaret shows and festival stages. From Wilderness to Shambala, from sex-positive play parties, Pinky Promise is a safe space to explore sensuality. Pinky Promise is a great way to dip your toes into the sex-positive scene.

Pinky Promise hosts parties at festivals and club spaces across the UK and also Europe.

Visit the Pinky Promise website

Sex positive party: A drag artist with long blonde hair spins around a pole in a dark nightclub

Sexquisite

Sexquisite sell-out shows across London, Manchester and Bristol using their unique blend of art as activism. They are committed to offering sex workers creative work and using the platform to enact change. Previous sexy events have included sex worker pride, Club Sexquisite and panel discussions on the importance of building a community for sex workers.

Visit the Sexquiste website

 

Quench London

“Quench London isn’t just a kink party; it’s a euphoric journey through the heart of London’s vibrant culture,” according to the organisers. A queer party extravaganza that blends chaos with control while centring queer, kinky, of colour, trans, neurodivergent, disabled and bodies of all sizes.

Quench is an intentional space, created out of a need for more diversity and representation in the kink scene. It’s also a lot of fun and a good way to experience the kink scene without it being too overwhelming.

Visit the Quench London website

 

Slut Social

Slut Social is committed to making affordable safer spaces for sex-positive women and non-binary people. It’s not just about the party but workshops and education too. It has become a community where you can find events from online panel discussions around ADHD and polyamory to rope-tying workshops in secret locations in London.

Visit the Slut Social Instagram

Joyride

Joyride is a space to rave, play and connect while prioritising pleasure and exploration. If you are looking for a hot, sweaty dancefloor with custom-designed playrooms and electronic beats then look no further.

The wonderful Joyride can be found at Corsica Studios in London which has an impressive accessibility checklist. You can apply for PA tickets, there is step-free access and accessible viewing platforms. You can access the list by visiting the Corsica website access page or email info@joyriderave.com for more information.

Visit the Joyride event page

 

 Know about a wonderful party or want to send us your own event information? Get in touch at hello@enhancetheuk.org.

*Please keep in mind that due to the nature of these events (pop-ups), they may change venue. We have not printed the accessibility in place for each venue but have marked where it is accessible on their site. Head to their social media and/or website and get in touch to find out latest dates and access.

Want more information on attending sex positive parties? Read our Love Lounge advice page where our resident sexpert Zoe answers a question asking for advice

Jun 24
ADHD and loneliness: A person holding a cup of coffee in their hands

ADHD and loneliness: I need some advice on feeling alone and sad

By Disability, The Love Lounge

The question: Struggling with ADHD and loneliness

Dear Love Lounge….

I have something called ADHD (bet you’ve never heard of that, haha).

I only got my diagnosis a few years ago but I’ve known for years I was struggling so it’s a massive relief to finally have a name put to it. I’m a 33 year old woman, and I’m ashamed to say I’ve had to go back and live with my parents. I’ve got a really successful job which is actually very much in the public eye (like a D list celebrity) and I’m good at it.

When it comes to my home life, I can’t cope well at all; my finances are a mess, my flat was so messy I couldn’t even clean it in the end and I wasn’t eating properly. I desperately want to be in a relationship but I feel like such a failure. Who is going to be with someone who can’t even run a house and needs to be looked after by their parents?

I like sex but I find it hard to orgasm with other people because I’m so often trapped in my own head and thoughts. I masturbate a lot and it’s a big relief to me, but I also find it very depressing at the same time.

I’m not sure what advice I need but anything you might suggest to me would be useful. I’m feeling very alone and sad at the moment.

Thanks,
Katy

The answer:

Hi Katy,

Ha, yes I don’t know what ADHD is! On a serious note, it can be really debilitating when you feel like you can’t cope with things like running a household.  Plenty of people struggle with this and plenty of these people have relationships. For now, it’s working that your parents are supporting you and taking that load away from you – but in a relationship you would discuss what things you’ll bring to the table and areas where you lack.  Your partner could be the perfect opposite and cover those areas, and in turn you cover for their weaker areas. It’s about negotiation and working out a system where you can do tasks in manageable chunks.

With regard to struggling to orgasm with other people, ADHD can really affect the focus of staying in the moment and being too easily distracted.  To maintain some focus, doing it in the dark could be helpful.  This eliminates the visual distractions and your senses of touch etc will be heightened. If you find yourself getting carried away in your own thoughts, ground yourself by getting your partner to describe what they’re doing to you (or vice-versa) – this can be sexy anyway, but will help you come back into the moment.

In addition to turning off the lights, you could start by getting yourself really relaxed before intimacy with a partner.  Perhaps a shower and putting the phone away for some time beforehand. Quieten the mind. Sensual touch, stroking, kissing could be all you aim for initially. The end goal doesn’t have to be sex or an orgasm. Take the pressure off yourself. Equally, some touch may become too much for you. It’s really important that you communicate clearly to your partner beforehand what you’re likely to experience and how you would like them to deal with it. eg you know you will get hypersensitive to one type of touch, so rather than grinning and bearing it, you’re confident enough to say to your partner, I need you to stop now and replace it with (a hug, no touch at all, talking, or touch in a different place). You do you!

I totally understand why, despite masturbating being a great relief to you, it then can make you feel depressed. It’s almost reaffirming that ‘I can only do this alone’.  The longer you avoid having sexual relationships, the more this fear could manifest in your head and potentially get bigger.  Hopefully, you’ll be kind to yourself and your situation and allow someone in to enjoy a relationship with you!

Best of luck,

Zoe

Want to support Love Lounge? why not visit our Donations page so you can find out how to get involved

Want to learn more about sex and ADHD? Head to our helpful blog on ADHD can help you find out more about the effect it might have on your sex life.

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