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Jan 28
A row of LGBT+ flags as pins. There is a rainbow, trans flag, a sexual flag, non binary, bisexual and lesbian badge in a row

Love Lounge: Join us on the big Queer bus tour

By Event

Jump on board with us & celebrate LGBTQ+ History Month!

Coming to a college near you! On the 17th & 18th of February, between 9 am-6 pm, jump aboard with the University of the Arts London and our Love Lounge on our ‘Big Queer Bus Tour’ across London and celebrate this LGBTQ+ history month, as we look at love and liberation and why we should be honouring this month in the current climate we live in.

This open-top bus tour will journey across many UAL colleges and halls of residence allowing students and staff to interact with our many creative activities and exhibitions on board.

Things to look forward too:

  • The Love Lounge ❤️‍🔥 – Do you have a dating dilemma? A sex question you don’t want to ask your friends about? Or need support with a recent break up? Our ‘sexperts’ at Enhance the UK are here to answer any questions.
  • A Sapphic Boob Corn hole game 👀
  • Manifestation Wish Tree 🌲 – Show your support or simply express your anger at recent events affecting the LGBTQ+ community.
  • Free contraception and information on LGBTQ+ sexual health.
  • LGBTQ+ Activist Couple exhibition –  a look back through the decades of the trailblazers who got us where we are today.
  • LGBTQ+ community organisations with giveaways 🥳
  • Free queer beer, mocktails and refreshments from some surprise companies. 🍻🍿
  • And much more! 🤩

Students and staff are welcomed to hop on and hop off the bus throughout the duration or simply come and visit us when you see us at sites. It’s up to you! 😌

Sites to spot us at:

Colleges: LCC, CSM, Wimbledon & Chelsea College of Arts.

Halls: Archwood House , Gardens and Portland House , Highline Building, Furzedown Student Village.

Disclaimer if you can’t see your site or hall here this will be down to parking restrictions for a vehicle of this size, we did try! We will be hosting pop up stall at the college sites and halls where we cannot get the bus to on different dates. 🏳️‍🌈🙌

Find up-to-date information and route plan by visiting the UAL bus tour page!

Jan 28
Censorship and social media: there are lots of cartoon social media buttons like a like, a heart, thumbs up on a peach background

Censorship and Social media: Can we talk?

By Sex & disability, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability

We need to talk about social media. 

It doesn’t feel good out there and if we are honest, it hasn’t for a while. Undressing Disability is a sex-positive, informative, educational resource. We are a campaign run by, designed by, written by disabled and neurodivergent people, for the very community we are a part of. 

It started as a way to showcase how sexy our community is and that disabled people still want and enjoy sex. . It now includes a podcast, educational resources, a free support service called the Love Lounge, events and training. As part of this, we often share photos of sexy disabled people being their gorgeous selves. 

Hell, we’ve even organised the photoshoots!

Noticing the difference

However, it’s getting harder and harder to reach our audience. Earlier this year, we decided to come off Twitter/X after it became apparent our community was leaving – with good reason. While it was hard to say goodbye to the hard work we had put into it, it was the right decision.

Instagram has been the main social media page for us for some time. We have made so many beautiful friendships and collaborations through it. However, Instagram does not enjoy our content nor does it like many of the other sexual health educators, influencers, and workers who are all part of it. We do not use TikTok but do note that we’ve heard similar complaints about the content there. 

Visit our Undressing Disability Instagram page.

We’ve watched as our posts on consent or safer sex are barely viewed compared to ones that aren’t about anything sexual. We’ve tried hiding our words by writing seggs instead of sex. We’ve added the symbols or numbers in desperation, like k!nk instead of kink or even bre@sts instead of breasts. It’s time-consuming, problematic and infuriating. Not to mention, ableist when you consider how many people using screen readers might struggle, or people with dyslexia. It also looks ridiculous. 

It’s important to know the right words for our bodies, our sexual health and our sexuality. By removing such words, we are contributing to health illiteracy. Avoiding these words feeds into the idea that such language is dirty or bad. 

It’s what we have to do to avoid our account not being seen at all, banned, blocked or removed completely. There are so many ways in which this censorship affects disabled/neurodivergent people. We aim to make our social media content as accessible as possible by using things like alt text, checking the colour contrast and video captions. It’s frustrating to have to write @n@l because we can’t use the real word, making the text less accessible. Even putting these words into the actual graphic appears to no longer work. We do offer an alternative, that if people are struggling to read these words, they can get in touch with us and we will type it in a message – but this is a lengthy alternative that frankly, no one should have to do.

This censorship feels as if it ranges from the real (the wording, the blocking and banning) to the ridiculous (apparently we can no longer use the aubergine emoji as it’s flagged as sexy content) to the harmful (the loose wording around sexual roles could place LGBT+ people at a greater risk of censorship). 

How does this harm us?

Hands up if you feel your sex education at school was less than informative? Does the sex information in magazines feature disabled models or voices? How many books are written about sex positions or advice for disabled people vs non-disabled people?

Younger generations are turning to social media to get the education they feel they didn’t get at school. This includes disabled people who are often left out of the conversation entirely. If the chance to access safe, accurate information is removed then where does that leave us? 

Not to mention, creating content is time-consuming, expensive and exhausting. A lot of disabled people do not have the energy or resources to keep replacing content that is taken down nor should they have to.

We travel around the UK with the Love Lounge offering free advice to disabled people. We know that disabled people have a lot of questions about sex, relationships and love. We also know that they often feel lonely and depressed without a community. This is the positive side of social media, it can help people to access information and connect with people. 

Visit our Love Lounge page to find out how to get free, confidential support

So what is the answer?

The immediate response is usually to leave social media. This isn’t possible as to do so leaves charities like ours out of the conversation completely. It means we would struggle to speak to our audience at all. 

The ‘answer’ or the solution is for the social media companies to resolve. This means investing in humans instead of bots when it comes to content moderation and clearer guidelines around their wording. For those of us in the sexual information or education field, is it that they have a special verification mark so that readers know the content is fact-checked and researched?

It might even be that we leave the platform to its own devices and join one made by the community, for the community.

We might even get to use the aubergine emoji again.

Want to join our mailing list to hear all about the events, updates and community news? Visit our mailing page and add your email.

Jan 22
ADHD: A person sitting on a computer on a bed. They are relaxed and wearing a white t-shirt with long dark hair

Love Lounge: I have ADHD and I’m struggling to find a relationship

By Sex & disability, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability

The question:

Hey,

I’m struggling with being newly diagnosed with ADHD in my mid 30’s. I’m very confident, sociable and achieve well at work too.  The area I struggle with is in relationships. I have had people cheat on me, I get bored easily so seek people who are as crazy and fun-loving as me and find dating apps just the worst! The chat is so boring and every time I don’t like someone, I think it must be my fault – why can’t I accept having a normal middle-of-the-road kind of relationship?

The other thing that is worrying me is medication for my ADHD. I like who I am; I like my carefree nature and have real sadness about losing that. Who am I underneath, after the medication suppresses the ADHD? I’m also in therapy at the moment to help adjust to my new diagnosis.

Thanks for your time,

Amy

The answer:

Hello Amy,

Not everybody wants the norm…and in today’s world, we’re able to be freer in our choices of how we date, co-habit, and make a family.  Particularly with more people being diagnosed or identifying as neurodivergent in their 30’s and 40’s this can help explain why they maybe haven’t felt like they’ve wanted or enjoyed the ‘mainstream’ kind of relationship.

Surely, we can’t all be cut out to fulfil society’s doctrine of monogamy and 2.4 children. So cut yourself some slack, you’re not strange or awkward to not find this vision appealing, or doable, for you. Own it and be confident about the type of person and relationship you’re wanting – and then hopefully you’ll attract like minded people. 

With regard to losing your carefree nature – I can understand that fear of loss. I think any kind of therapy, understanding oneself, healing etc can all feel scary because we only know what we know. Who will we be on the other side? That’s a legitimate concern. However, the medication (and therapy) will help you identify behaviours that don’t work for you now, or that create more chaos, and you can find suitable strategies to manage these. If the medication helps take the edge off, it doesn’t mean it will take away your personality – you’ll probably find it just helps you cope, organise, think more easily.

Hopefully alleviating stresses in your life.  It won’t eradicate ‘Amy’.  As you adapt, picking and choosing the traits that you’d like to keep that work for you, and letting go of those that don’t serve you well, people may think you’re behaving differently and therefore be slightly different with you too. That’s normal, you’re no longer playing the role in a game they’re used to you playing. Overtime, you will reassert your boundaries and they will respect this.

It’s a process, but you will only ever be a more enhanced version of you. Remember it is all within your control too – whether you stop meds, do more or less therapy, choose to let people know you’re on a new pathway etc.

Good luck!!

Zoe  

Want to read more about disability, love, sex and everything in between? Of course, you do! Why not visit our page with more Love Lounge questions

 

Jan 06
Accessible Shelters: a person has their hand on the wheel of a wheelchair while facing a long corridoor. We cannot see their face. Only their hand

Six tips for making your shelter or refuge accessible

By Undressing Disability

Data released by Sky News from Women’s Aid shows that “less than 1% of refuge spaces for women fleeing abuse are suitable for wheelchair users.”

You can read the story by visiting the Sky News page 

It can be really difficult to know where to start when it comes to making your shelter more accessible. There are lots of larger changes such as installing ramps or accessible toilets that can take time, planning, funding and builders.

However, there are lots of small changes you can make that will help to make things more inclusive.

Here are 6 changes you can make:

1 – Repeat repeat rephrase

Someone who is coming to a shelter may be in a state of panic or feeling incredibly anxious. When we are anxious, it can be hard to breathe and communicate especially if someone also has a communication impairment. It’s not rude to ask someone to repeat themselves if you are not sure what they are saying. Ask them twice to repeat themselves before you ask them to rephrase what they are asking you. It could be that when they rephrase what they are trying to say, you catch enough of the sentence to understand what they are saying.

Be patient and allow them more time but keep your body language relaxed. If you relax, they will also start to feel less anxious.

2 – Learn how to guide a visually impaired person

It can be really scary leaving someone who is being violent or manipulative, especially if you are relying on that person for assistance. Making sure shelter staff are trained in how to guide someone safely and properly is vital. Booking disability awareness training can help but there are some quick steps to remember:

1 – Introduce yourself and say you work/volunteer for the shelter and tell them what is going to happen. Don’t just lead them somewhere but ask if they need assistance.
2 – Offer a shoulder or an elbow: Ask if it is okay for you to take their hand and place it on your elbow or shoulder. If someone is struggling with body contact or touch, it’s important to get their consent first before taking their hand.
3 – Guide goes first: You need to be the person in front so that they are following your direction.
4 – Move items and people: Move as many obstacles out of the way as possible. It’s good practice going forward to make sure that things like A signage (wet floor signs etc) are not in the middle of the room or that there are no objects for someone to fall over.
5 – Let someone know you are leaving: If you get that person to their seat or the room they need then let them know you are going to go. Otherwise, they may not know where you are.

Want to learn more about guiding? Why not consider booking disability awareness training by visiting our website

3 – Guide Dogs

Not all visually impaired people will have guide dogs but some do. You may also find that some neurodivergent people have support dogs. There are some simple things you can do to accommodate a person’s guide or assistance animal.
1 – Provide a bed for them to rest
2 – Allocate an outdoor space for the animal to go to the toilet and a place to dispose of waste
3 – Remember that people may not like their animals being touched or fed by anyone else. It’s important for staff to remember this.
4 – Provide a water dish if possible or access to clean water.

4 – Consider your forms and information

For some neurodivergent people, forms or large blocks of text can be really tough. Can you consider alternatives for people?
There are lots of different alternatives to written forms or information that you could consider.
Is it possible to create a video which describes the support service or an audio description that can be played? Could you use large print versions of any information or forms that can be downloaded from your website? If someone is available to help, could you assign a volunteer to help a person fill in any forms they are finding difficult?

5 – Ask don’t assume

Ask don’t assume. It’s best to ask someone what their access needs may be. Not every disabled person will have the same access needs. It’s important to listen to what someone tells you about their access requirements. If someone tells you they don’t need assistance or any changes then this should be respected.

Also, if someone tells you that any changes you have implemented are not working, be understanding and initiate a conversation on what to do next.

Check-in after time has passed to make sure that a person’s access needs haven’t changed.

6 – Being aware of your contact details:

With 1 in 6 of the UK population experiencing hearing loss and D/deaf women being twice as likely to experience domestic abuse, refuges must be accessible for people who are D/deaf.
Consider how D/deaf and hard-of-hearing people can contact your support service.

There are lots of options, including:
1- Providing a mobile number so people can text you
2- Providing a monitored email address
3- Ensuring staff are aware of the Relay UK service – a free service which allows deaf or hard of hearing people to communicate with you via an operator who types what is said for the deaf person and speaks, if needed, what they type. All they need is a free downloadable app and access to the internet.

We also offer free downloadable resources that can help you to learn more.

We would suggest our resource on making shelters accessible for Deaf people and our other resource on accessible retail spaces. This includes practical advice on making buildings accessible that could be adapted for wheelchair users.

Download our resources by visiting our dedicated page

Jan 06

Inclusive Christmas Celebrations: accessibility for everyone

By Disability

Christmas is a time for celebration, but it can also present barriers for many disabled people. This may stop someone from engaging actively in the activities and leave someone feeling excluded. There are lots of different barriers that have to be overcome so that Christmas can be enjoyed equally by everyone.  

One of the first steps is to recognise that everyone has different needs and you need to ask them what those are. If you are hosting an event, either provide ramps or make sure the venues you choose have step-free access. Make sure you have adequate seating options for everyone, space for wheelchair users or even spaces that offer a sensory-friendly environment (quiet, dim lighting, etc) Make sure to include clear signage as well as accessible parking.   

For more information on accessible communications: visit our resources section where you can download the PDF.

Beyond physical accessibility, being inclusive extends to how we plan our celebrations. For instance, making activities and events adaptable for a wide range of different disabled and neurodivergent people fosters participation. Whether that involves tactile crafts or activities for visually impaired people, subtitled or signed holiday performances for D/deaf people or people with hearing loss, or simply taking the time to understand individual needs, such efforts reflect a true commitment to inclusivity.  

Learn about different disabilities, attend disability awareness training and ask what you can do to make things easier for disabled or neurodivergent people. Disabled people will be able to help make events and environments more accessible by sharing their access needs.

Don’t forget about elderly guests who are coming to your Christmas celebrations. Older adults may have different access needs due to physical disabilities, hearing and vision impairments or even feelings of loneliness. This can make holiday events difficult for them to enjoy. By making small adjustments, party organisers can make sure that elderly loved ones feel included.   

Top Tips for an Inclusive Christmas Celebration:  

Accessible Venues: Choose a location that is inclusive to disabled people. Look for step-free access, lifts and handrails.   

Comfortable Seating Arrangements: Make sure there are comfortable chairs for older guests. Check that seating arrangements can be accessed easily and that there is space for guests who are wheelchair users to enjoy a show or event.

Dietary Considerations: Keep in mind any dietary restrictions or preferences your guests might have. Include these on the holiday menu.

Gentle Pace: Don’t create overly packed or exhausting schedules.   Print the schedule or include on your emails or invites so that neurodivergent people can see what is happening and when.

Want to learn more about accessible events? Visit our resources section where there is a free downloadable resource on event planning from conferences to Christmas parties and more!

Christmas Activities to Try Out!   

Online Parties: Online Christmas parties are the perfect way to include everyone. This is especially useful for a family member who can’t attend in person. Virtual games and storytelling are fun activities you can do together.   Make sure that the platform you use is suitable by adding live captioning, and cameras on if someone is speaking to enable lip reading.

Sensory-Friendly Decorations: Create decorations with a range of textures and colours. These can be soothing for people who sometimes experience sensory overload. String lights with adjustable brightness or calming music can help neurodivergent people.  

Adaptive Christmas Crafting: Organise crafting sessions with family and friends. You could have stations to make ornaments or cards including a range of materials. Having templates or kits is a great idea.

Light Displays: Visit local light displays or organise a drive-through tour to look at Christmas lights.  

Discuss Memories: Whether it’s virtual or in-person, you could create a cosy atmosphere for people to share their favourite Christmas memories. It’s a relaxing and fun activity.   

Adapted Advent Calendars: Create tactile, audio-based, or customisable calendars to suit various abilities.

Sign Language Carolling: Learn a Christmas carol in sign language. This is a wonderful way to make the experience more meaningful for those who are deaf or hard of hearing.  

Advocating for Inclusive Celebrations

Promoting inclusivity requires a collective effort.

Raise Awareness: Start conversations about accessibility during the holidays and throughout the year. Advocate for accessible public spaces, events and venues. Also, consider booking Disability Awareness Training for your organisation in the new year.

Interested in booking Disability Awareness Training? We’ve got you! Visit our disability awareness training page to find out more about our options.

Encourage Community Events: Support initiatives like inclusive local Christmas markets, accessible carolling, and universally designed tree-lighting ceremonies.

Nov 21
A white wine glass against a black background and warm fairy lights. A big pink circle announces there is an event called Mingle all the way on dec 4th

Enhance the UK/Undressing Disability – Mingle all the Way

By Event, Sex & disability, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability

Enhance the UK/ Undressing Disability would like to invite you to a ‘mingle all the way’ festive evening to celebrate all their achievements this year.

Enhance the UK is a user-led disability charity that not only runs worldwide campaigns around dispelling myths about disability but also delivers groundbreaking training across the UK and beyond. Join us to find out more!

We have transformed our central London location into an alpine , ski retreat lodge and want you to pop in and get all cosy for the evening.

Included in this invite will be :

  • Free drinks and festive nibbles
  • Entertainment from the first and only amputee drag queen in the world -Eileen Eifell (I lean – I fell….)
  • Photo opportunities in our amazing decor and photobooth
  • Much more…..

It’s a unique opportunity to connect with like-minded professionals while celebrating the season in style!

At the event, we’ll also be sharing information about our disability awareness training and unveiling new courses for 2025.

Event Details:
🗓 Date: Wednesday, December 4
🕒 Time: 5:30 – 9 pm
📍 Location: Sketch House 36 Clifton Terrace Finsbury Park London N4 3JP

Please RSVP to secure your spot by visiting the event link

*Please email hello@enhancetheuk.org for any access or dietary requirements. Examples of access requirements could include accessible route maps, BSL interpreters, accessible toilets, BSL interpreters or quiet rooms.

Nov 21
A pink and black advert for black friday 20% disability and sexuality training

Disability and Sexual Expression Training: Get 20% off in our Black Friday Deal!

By Disability, Sex & disability, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability

Looking to book Disability and Sexual Expression training or Disability Awareness Training for your organisation in the New Year?

You’ve come to the right place!

We are launching our Black Friday deal where you can get 20% off
Disability and Sexual Expression training or disability awareness training if you book or enquire from now until 21st of December 2024. That includes all of our training sessions to be held before the end of March 2025.

Not sure what sessions we offer?

We offer lots of different training courses both online and in person that can be tailored to suit your needs. Need more information?

Click on the links below to read more about each course.

This includes:

 Email hello@enhancetheuk.org to book a session 

Got questions? Why not visit our Calendly page to book a consultation with our expert trainers

Quote BLACKFRIDAY when you email to make sure you get 20% off any sessions before March 2025.

(See terms and conditions below)

What makes Enhance training sessions different?

Our trainers are all disabled themselves and accessibility experts and can share their personal lived experience.

Using a powerful combination of expert knowledge and lived experience we can support your businesses or organisation to become more accessible. We are committed to working with organisations in a supportive way, regardless of your starting point we can help you become accessible and inclusive.

What is Disability and Sexual Expression training?

Sexuality and disability training is crucial for creating an inclusive and respectful environment for disabled individuals.

Our virtual sexual expression training offers a deep dive into the intimate experiences of disabled people, addressing barriers to sexual expression and how to remove them.

Delivered by disabled trainers, this 3.5-hour course covers key topics like the social model of disability, effective communication, and appropriate terminology. Participants will gain an understanding of the importance of sexual expression, privacy, and dignity, and learn how carers and personal assistants can better support disabled people in navigating these challenges.

This training ensures that disabled individuals’ sexual needs and rights are respected and understood.

Why not get in touch and remember to quote the 20% code – BLACKFRIDAY when booking! Email hello@enhancetheuk.org for more details or to book a free consultation.

Want to stay up to date with all the latest news, events and accessibility tips? Why not sign up to our mail out to get access to get early access and discounts? Visit the sign up landing page

 

 

BLACK FRIDAY OFFER TERMS AND CONDITIONS:

T&CS

1 – This offer cannot be used with any others. 2 – This Black Friday deal can be used on training scheduled before March and not afterwards. 3 – Offer runs out after December 20th at 12 pm. 4 – Offer only valid on in-person/virtual training sessions this excludes access audits both in-person and virtual and BSL for your website options. 4- Offer can only be used once per organisation. 5 – You have to quote BLACKFRIDAY at the time of booking. It cannot be added retrospectively. 6 – Offer cannot be applied to training already booked 7 –  This is only available on training run through Enhance the UK. 8 – Only available on training sessions both in person and virtual. 9- We reserve the right to decline orders where, a promotion code is invalid. 10- We reserve the right to change these Terms and Conditions at any time. 11- Any training sessions booked after March 31st will be booked at full price as code is no longer valid.

 

Nov 19
Disability and friendship: A person using a wheelchair. A close up of their hand on the wheel of the chair with a room in the background

Disability and friendship: How do I open up to my friends about what life is really like for me?

By The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability

The question:

I’m in my mid 60’s and am having more and more health problems of late.  The last few years have been difficult. But what I find most problematic is my circle of friends not really understanding what life is like for me.

I laugh a lot with people, so they think I’m ok and they don’t seem to remember about the issues I have told them. They either act surprised when I mention things or scoff as though it’s not really that bad.

I feel really misunderstood and don’t know how to change it. It’s affecting my confidence when I go out with them. 

Ali 

The Answer:

Hi Ali,

This is hard when you don’t feel understood and then, as a result, feel unsupported by your friends. I remember having similar feelings years ago and my therapist telling me that it’s also my responsibility to tell people what’s really going on. It’s unfair for them to be expected to know how it really is for you when you haven’t communicated everything to them.

Perhaps because you’re jokey and smiley they don’t see the whole picture, and then when you say something that feels serious to you, it doesn’t land as it should perhaps because of the delivery. If you find it hard to hold the space and be serious in telling your story, perhaps choose one friend who you are closer to and ask to have a chat away from the group. Tell them what’s going on for you, health-wise but also that you find it hard to be taken seriously by the group. You could also ask them to be your spokesperson and tell the rest of the group for you.

Hopefully this will prompt them to acknowledge your feelings more and I’m sure they will come and support you once they know how you’ve been feeling. Another option, if you can’t verbalise it well, is to write to them (as a group or to your closest friend) and speak freely that way.

I’m sure they love and support you and are just missing your cues – then the more you lose confidence the harder it is for you to make yourself heard.

Communicate well, be honest and the love will come back to you!

Warmly,

Zoe

Love this? Read more Love Lounge questions by visiting our blog page.

 

Nov 08
A red and black typewriter with one single sheet of white paper

Love Lounge: Disabled, deaf and looking for love….help!

By Sex & disability, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability

The question:

Dear Love Lounge,

I’m disabled (I’m deaf and have difficulty with mobility) and have been keenly watching Married At First Sight.  It’s been great to see a deaf person represented in Ross. But it’s been making me feel even more sad because I see how easily he’s got into this relationship with Sacha and how she’s so accepting of him, and I have never experienced that.  I feel like more of a failure – am I so bad? Am I ugly? Or is it because I also have mobility issues that people don’t want me?

I know I’m being self-pitying but I’m cross that it has made me feel like this when I should be excited that a deaf person is being seen on tv and having a successful relationship.

Sorry but I just need some support.

Sam

The answer:

Hi Sam,

I can really appreciate how you feel when you see others being able to do something that you’re really wanting to do, especially when you see them with the thing that you feel limits you.

It could be that you perceive your disability as a negative thing and don’t go out there with your confident pants on and feeling proud of who you are. But that’s never easy, particularly if your self-worth has been dented.

Have you had therapy before to learn to be comfortable with your identity and how you are in the world? It sounds like this could be useful for you. I had lots of therapy until I learnt to not be so hard on myself and have some self-acceptance and kindness towards myself. It can be a looong road, but a very worthwhile one.

Once confidence oozes out of you, people will be attracted to that, and your disability won’t be the main thing they focus on.

Whilst MAFS is great to watch, let’s remember it’s for entertainment and they have had the amazing opportunity of the experts matching them with someone. If only we could all have that! However, that’s not to undermine that Ross is obviously very confident, attractive and used to having relationships and you seeing that makes you feel worse.

Myself and other colleagues can also feel inadequate when we see other disabled people on social media being ultra positive and looking like they can conquer anything.. it’s a real thing, even for us who advocate for disabled people and have confidence around it. What we see either on TV or social media is never the whole story, this is why it’s so important for everyone to be authentic and show vulnerabilities too… if you spoke to Ross, you’d surely hear that he’s lacked confidence, found times hard etc. We all have. Try and remember that, and you will have your own story. You may be doing things that other people wish they could achieve.

With more representation though, non-disabled people will realise they can have lovely relationships with disabled people and it is not something to be nervous about.

Try and get yourself out there, socialise with like-minded people, who have similar interests as you and shine from within. That’s what attracts people.

Write out 10 things you love about yourself now and say them to yourself in the mirror every morning and night. Let’s start building your self worth and confidence!

Take care,
Zoe

Looking to read more Love Lounge questions? Why not visit our Love Lounge blog to find more questions and the answers written by our experts.

Nov 04
transgender flag in pink, blue and white

Ayman Eckford on …. being a trans* person and having ADHD

By Sex & disability, Undressing Disability

Ayman Eckford is many things – a human rights activist, a writer, a Ukrainian refugee to name a few. Ayman is also trans* and has ADHD. In this personal piece, Ayman shares their take on the intersection between trans* and ADHD experiences, and how we can all do better to support trans* and ADHD kids to live life as their authentic selves.

Note: Ayman has chosen to use an asterisk after the word “trans” throughout this article, which denotes a number of identities within the gender identity spectrum.

There is a lot of commonality between being a trans* person and being an ADHDer. For example, most of the books about your condition are written by people who have never experienced it.

At the same time, there are a lot of people like you in the modern day media, even some celebrities are trans* or ADHDers, but despite that, if you are young, it may feel like you are the only one in the universe. Maybe you don’t even know who you are. Or if you do, you may feel doomed because the world is trying to change you.

Being trans and neurodivergent

At least this is how it was for me, when I had no idea what the world “trans” meant but was a three-year-old transgender child who was considered to be a girl but knew that they were anything but a girl. I was also a kid who was “naughty,” a kid who was always rushing and fussing around. I spent almost all my time in kindergarten running around, unable to concentrate or speak with my peers. I couldn’t sit still in my school lessons. I didn’t want any attention, I didn’t want to be different and be bullied, but I couldn’t help it. I just stood up and began to walk around the class during lessons, knowing how angry my parents would be, knowing how other kids would make jokes about me – maybe even kick me – because of it. But I just couldn’t help it. My parents didn’t know that I’m an ADHDer and Autistic, or, more likely, they were too scared to find out. My parents also didn’t know that I’m trans, bullying me for any attempts to use a male pronoun. They would abuse me even more if they knew.

For them, I was sinful, lazy, and broken, and I believed that I was, until I realised that it’s the world that is broken because of its ignorance, not me. This realisation helped me to create the first pro-neurodiversity group in Ukraine and Russia, and become one of the first people to speak and write about trans* neurodivergent experiences in Eastern Europe. I was trying to be the person I needed when I was younger.

Society lets trans* and ADHD kids down. Even some modern Americans and British journalists that accept the LGBT+ community and behave respectfully toward neurodivergent adults, are trying to silence trans* and neurodivergent teenagers, and justify all those “well-meaning,” conservative parents who broke their queer and neurodivergent children.

It is interesting that despite the hardship of living with a double stigma, there are a lot of openly trans* ADHDer activists both in the disability rights space and in the LGBT+ community. Some studies show that there are more trans* people among ADHDers than among the general population, but the reason is still unknown. Maybe we are just used to being different. Maybe, despite everything, it is not so scary to recognise one more “atypical” trait when you’ve already considered it to be weird. Maybe there is a real correlation.

Transgender and neurodiversity acceptance

And I think that the neurodiversity paradigm could help a lot in trans* acceptance. Neurodiversity paradigm is basically an idea that there is no one right way that the human brain should work, and that neurological diversity is as normal as different ethnicities and sexual orientations.

Let me make it clear: I am not considering ADHD and autism to be a disorder. I would hate the idea of research with a goal to prevent people like me from being born, or prevent another child from thinking the way I’m thinking. But at the same time, for me, ADHD is a disability, not only because society disables me but also because I need dopamine medication to better deal with everyday tasks. Of course, in a world where everyone is ADHDer, non-ADHDers would also need some additional support.

The same with being trans. I feel like I need hormone therapy and surgery to be me. In many ways, being trans has a lot in common with being disabled, especially if you have gender dysphoria. Trans* people often need additional medical support, but this doesn’t mean that trans* people are “sick” (which is why I support the de-pathologization of “transgenderism”).

Being trans* is also not about being politically left, progressive, or sex-positive. It is not about being part of any dominant queer subculture. Just like ADHD and autism, is not something that you could be “groomed into” or something that determines your views on economy, religion, and politics. When I was a libertarian right and conservative Christian teen, it didn’t automatically make me cis and neurotypical. It just made me a trans* teen for whom it was more difficult to figure out their identity.

One of the biggest mistakes that the media is making is trying to made trans* existence and trans* rights, especially trans* youth rights look like a part of an ideology. This is why I believe we can all learn a lot from the social model of disability and pro-neurodiversity movement that could really help trans* activists, and LGBT+ movements in general.


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