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The Love Lounge

Welcome to The Love Lounge

Free advice on all things sex, love and disability

If you feel alone and need to talk to someone, get a bit of down to earth advice or need some practical tips on sex, relationships and flirting, please come and talk to our resident love non expert experts!

Everybody wants to feel that they ‘belong’ and finding a sense of belonging with another person is very important to so many of us. Yet finding a ‘soul mate,’ for many people, is not so simple especially when you have a disability.

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Sex and Disability

Even if you’re in an established relationship, all sorts of tensions and difficulties can crop up. It’s especially hard if one of you becomes chronically sick, disabled or has an impairment which changes.

It can then become not only something you both need to get your head round, but could mean your partner now has to assist you in different ways and offer you ‘care’ in a way they haven’t done before.

The dynamic of your relationship could change, sex might become physically or emotionally difficult, or you may end up feeling like you’re living with your best friend and sex is off the menu all together.

Maybe you’re single and want to date, have fun, find the person of your dreams or even play the field a bit but are scared of ending up feeling like a novelty shag. Where do you look? How do you look? When do you mention an impairment or disability?

Living in a care home and maintaining or even establishing a relationship is no easy feat. Lack of information, attitudes, privacy and access are massive barriers. After all, how many double beds have you ever seen in a care home?

Contact The Love Lounge

Get all the advice you need from our love gurus

Mik Scarlet

Mik is a big personality in the media world, representing disability in his own unique way.  He has presented shows on BBC2, Channel 4, ITV, Total Rock Radio and BBC 3 Counties Radio.

Read Mik's advice

Emily Yates

Emily is an accessibile travel writer and accessibility consultant, she has cerebral palsy, uses a wheelchair, and has had relationships with both able-bodied and disabled partners.

Read Emily's advice

The Love Lounge upfront

We’ve put together a selection of your messages and questions for our experts. Do you agree with what they said?
Send a reply with your thoughts.

 

“Three years married and frustrated since my accident…”

Posted by | Mik Scarlet, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability | No Comments

Hey Mik, I just discovered your videos on youtube. I’m 29, female, been C5 tetraplegic for five years now since my accident, three years married and getting quite frustrated cause I still haven’t been able to reach orgasm after the accident. I love my husband and he loves me, but sex still leaves me just relaxed at most. We’ve tried different positions, I’ve tried “thinking myself to it”, but it won’t help. I still have some minor feeling down there, but it’s like having sex while in a rubber suit really, so the sensations are nearly nonexistent. I’ve almost lost hope, but after seeing your videos…

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“What can I try to do to help my pain in the bedroom and make sure my partner stays happy?”

Posted by | Mik Scarlet, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability | No Comments

“My chronic pain has never been properly diagnosed and i the last few years I have been unable to work because of it. My partner and I have been together for over ten years and had a really strong intimate relationship… until recently. I’ve been unable to enjoy any touch because of my pain recently and I find it hard to get in positions. My partner is understanding but I don’t want him to get frustrated as we are still young people in our early thirties. What can I try to do to help my pain in the bedroom and…

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“I’m worried I won’t look as smooth rolling around on the dancefloor!”

Posted by | Mik Scarlet, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability | No Comments

“I was involved in an accident and after a long road of recovery I am now adjusting to life as a wheelchair user. So far, mostly, so good but I do have some worries about the practicalities of my new piece of kit​! Before the accident I loved nothing more than hitting bars and meeting new people. I’m worried I won’t look as smooth rolling around on the dancefloor!” – Tim, Crawley Hi Tim. To be honest I found myself looking far cooler once I started dancing in a wheelchair than I ever did on wheels. I have been known to take…

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“At 28 I started partially losing my sight last year and have increasingly been losing faith that I will find a boyfriend…”

Posted by | General, Mik Scarlet, My story, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability | No Comments

At 28 I started partially losing my sight last year and have increasingly been losing faith that I will find a boyfriend – it was hard enough before! Would you recommend trying to date other people with impairments such as myself? Will able bodied men see me for me? (Pardon the pun..) Jasmine Hmm. I really think that it’s what works for you Jasmine. If you might feel safer and at ease with some who also has a visual impairment that why not try it? But not if you feel that’s all you can get, or you are having to…

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“Should I feel guilty since my accident has changed my partners lifestyle…”

Posted by | General, Mik Scarlet, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability | No Comments

My fiancee and I are getting married next summer and since my accident last year, and the fact that I have to use a wheelchair, we haven’t been the most active couple we once were. We were always trekking or mountain biking and I feel this was a big part of her attraction to me. I feel like I am making her live a life she didn’t choose. Should I feel guilty? Tom   Hi Tom. It’s one of the elements of becoming disabled that is rarely talked about, the guilt felt for those who are in our lives. Whether it’s…

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“I started university in September and I have CP…”

Posted by | General, Mik Scarlet, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability | No Comments

I have just started university this September in Bournemouth. I have CP with limited movement in my hands and slurred speech. I have been getting involved in all the freshers events and enjoyed meeting people. There’s a girl who lives in my block in halls who has been incredibly kind to me and we have struck up a close friendship. I really fancy her and would love something more. Can I tell her this? I’m worried she’s just being nice to me because I’m the disabled kid. Brendan   My advice Brendan is go for it! I remember thinking that…

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“I’m a single mum and I suffer chronic pain and spinal problems…”

Posted by | Emily Yates, Mik Scarlet, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability | No Comments

 Hello there,I’ve just read an article about your organisation and wondered if you could help me. I’m a single mum and I suffer chronic pain and spinal problems and things are hard. The pains debilitating and I’m very lonely. Is there any service you can offer me, put me in touch with likewise people with disabilities. I’m not sure if this is something you offer. Kindest regards, Rachael    Hi Rachael, many thanks for writing in to us at the Love Lounge. Sorry to hear of your struggles, but great that you’ve written in to us, and you’re wanting things…

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“I can’t help thinking that any move that is made on me is a bit of a joke or a dare…”

Posted by | Emily Yates, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability | No Comments

To the Love Lounge, My name’s Alex, I’m 26 and a wheelchair user.  I’m really lucky – whenever I go out loads of girls come up and chat to me and they’re really interested in me.  I know that I’m reasonably good looking, but I can’t help thinking that any move that is made on me is a bit of a joke or a dare?  It’s always in the back of my mind when someone pretty is chatting to me, and it needs to stop. Please help! Hi Alex, What an interesting post, thanks so much for sharing this with…

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“Will sex hurt with my Cerebral Palsy?”

Posted by | Emily Yates, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability | No Comments

Dear Emily, My boyfriend and I have been together for a while now, and it’s time for us to go the next step and have sex. I have cerebral palsy, affecting my arms and legs, and I’m terrified that I don’t know what to do, whether it will hurt, and whether it’ll be good for both of us.  Do you have any advice for me please? Thanks, Katie. Hi Katie, Thanks so much for writing in.  This is something that is a real worry for many people, and it was for me, too! I also have CP, so can hopefully…

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“How useful can I expect disabled dating sites to be?”

Posted by | Emily Yates, Mik Scarlet, My story, The Love Lounge | No Comments

Hello Emily, First of all I think it’s a great campaign as disability and relationships need to be open with increased awareness. I am 25 with mild CP I enjoy skiing and going to the gym. I am slightly addicted to spin classes! I have a small group on friends who all have girlfriends and are slowly getting married. I have tried a number of speed dating events including silent dating, blindfolded dating and online dating. I have been honest about my disability in my profile, and have received 0 messages I gave wrote about 50 I am not surprised…

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