If you’re reading this, the time may well have come to lose the big V (isn’t it a bit off-putting that we dramatise it so much in society?!) You might have discussed having sex for the first time with your new beau, or just decided that tonight might be your night! However you want it to go down, and whoever you’re about to have sex with, we hope that these hints and tips might give you some peace of mind, or even quiet confidence, when it comes to getting it on for the first time.
Tip 1: Losing your virginity can be a whirlwind of emotions…or not!
Nerves and anxiety, pain, pleasure, giddiness, sadness or… nothing at all. Having sex for the first time (or even just the anticipation of it beforehand) can induce a series of emotions. You might feel every single one that we’ve listed above, or you might think that the whole thing was a bit over-rated. Whether you feel everything at once or nothing at all, that’s more than okay, as long as you feel comfortable with having sex all the way through (and, remember, if you don’t, you can ask your partner to stop at any time; consent can change!) If, as a disabled person, you’re particularly worried about muscles seizing up, certain positions hurting or being difficult to get into, or what your partner might think of your catheter or the aids you use, feel free to stop proceedings and discuss your concerns with them – that’s so much better than bottling the fear up and wishing that you’d said something earlier when you’re half way through an awkward romp! Sex can be amazing, but first time sex shouldn’t be rushed.
Tip 2: Make sure you’re being treated right
This may sound obvious, but make sure that the person you’re going to have sex with for the first time is at least going to stick around for a cuddle afterwards. Whilst you might not remember losing your virginity as a particularly earth-shattering experience (unless you’re really lucky!) you’ll never forget the person you lost it to, so make sure they are worth that memory and are going to treat you well throughout.
For us disabled people, this can be even more important, especially if you might need help getting back into your wheelchair, or getting dressed afterwards, for example. Whilst we don’t agree that you should need to be in love with the first person you sleep with, you should care enough about each other to ensure you’re both going to have fun, be able to communicate openly and honestly, and know that whatever happens between you two, stays between you two.
Tip 3: If at first you don’t succeed…
However much you plan it or fantasise about it, sex doesn’t always happen exactly when we want it to, or the way we want it to. It might be too painful for you or your partner, muscles might tense up and spasm from the stress of it all, or it might just turn into a hilarious fumble rather than a passionate shag. Learn to laugh it off, and try again. Foreplay can be just as good (if not better) than intercourse so as long as you’re enjoying yourselves and each other, what does it matter?
Be safe, have fun and don’t take any of it too seriously.
Join us on Instagram @UndressingDisability and on twitter @ETUKUndressing. Learn more about sex and disability by purchasing our ‘Undressing Disability’ ebook priced at £5.99 All proceeds go to support our charity.