My boyfriend and I have been together for a while now, and it’s time for us to go the next step and have sex. I have cerebral palsy, affecting my arms and legs, and I’m terrified that I don’t know what to do, whether it will hurt, and whether it’ll be good for both of us. Do you have any advice for me please?
Thanks so much for writing in. This is something that is a real worry for many people, and it was for me, too! I also have CP, so can hopefully give you some good advice. Firstly, it’s great that you and your boyfriend are in a stable relationship and are ready to move to the next stage, but my first bit of advice is that you should talk about what’s going to be your first time. It shouldn’t be the elephant in the room!! Hopefully chatting about sex and knowing that your boyfriend loves you and won’t ever intend to hurt you or make you feel uncomfortable should put you at ease. Is your boyfriend disabled too, or able-bodied? Is this also going to be his first time? This will obviously affect how you talk about certain positions and the logisitics of ‘doing it’. In terms of ‘knowing what to do’, talking frankly to family members really helped me. I was really honest with my sister, mum and auntie, and spoke to them about my worries. They all told me about positions and movements that they thought would be the easiest and least painful for me, but to be honest, you and your fella should be comfortable enough with each other to talk through everything and willing to change positions at any moment if they aren’t working out for you. Communication is the key. The first time probsbly won’t be red hot fireball passionate sex, but that will come once you’ve found your ‘rhythm’. In terms of pain, the more you relax and communicate, the less it will hurt. If it does hurt, it’s simple: stop, talk, and try something different. The worst thing you can do is keep going in the hopes it’ll get better! If you’re confident and comfortable going into it, I’m sure it’ll be really great for you both. If it isn’t, you can always try something new next time! Good Luck 🙂