Thinking of trying anal sex?

Anal sex can be a completely natural, normal and fun part of your sex life. However, it is something that needs a bit of planning before you start. If you are disabled or neurodivergent then you may have some extra questions about it.

Our helpful blog will explain what you need to know about anal sex, disability and neurodiversity.

What is anal?

Anal sex is any sexual activity involving the anus. This could be using fingers, toys, penis or tongues (rimming). Lots of people enjoy anal sex as part of their regular sex life but some may find it too painful or dislike the idea of it.

What do I need to know?

1 – Use lube: It’s important to invest in a good lubricant and keep applying it. Silicone lubricants are considered best for anal sex as they don’t dry out as quickly. However, it’s important to note if the lube you are using is safe for use with condoms and toys.

2 – Communication: Keep communication going with your partner to know if anything changes for them during sex. This could be that you need more lube, or it has started to hurt or if they want to stop.

3 – Condoms: Using condoms can help keep you safe from STI/Ds.

Anal and toys:

There are lots of different toys created with anal in mind! While there are some that you can try like butt plugs or anal beads, it is important to check that whatever you opt for is safe. Toys that are safe for use in the anus will have a flared base that stops the body from sucking a toy upwards. This is why bullet vibrators are not safe for use in the anus because it is difficult to remove them and may require surgery. Always check a toy is safe before you use it – If in doubt, leave it out!

Looking for a good accessible sex toy suitable for anal?

Discover is a wand with a little extra. Developed between Undressing Disability and Rocks Off, Discover is part of the Quest range which is developed with accessibility in mind.  The wand is a rechargeable, vibrating body wand for intimate use with two attachments and remote control with large buttons. It offers six vibration settings and is made from sensory soft touch silicone which is body safe

Visit the Rocks Off website to view the Discover wand

Anal sex and pain

If you are experiencing pain, it’s important to stop. You could be experiencing pain for any number of reasons and risk causing more damage to the body by continuing.

Anal and bowel conditions

If you have a condition like Crohn’s or one that affects the bowel, you may be worried about the risks. The lining of the bottom and rectum is very thin which means there is a chance it could be damaged meaning that you risk an infection from anal sex if there is a cut in your bottom. If you have inflammation as a result of your Crohn’s, then the risk of damage may be higher especially if you have any ulcers or bleeding.

Strictures, which some people with Crohn’s may experience, might cause tightening making anal sex difficult or slightly more painful. You can reduce the risk by using lube, having good foreplay and making sure you are as relaxed as possible during sex. Going on top may reduce the risk because you can control the depth and speeds too.

Try to avoid sex during a flare-up and give your body a chance to recover. If you do want to have sex then look at other positions until you feel well enough to retry anal sex. Pain or bleeding is usually a sign that you need to stop until you are fully healed.

Anal sex and douching

Some people may choose to douche before anal sex to clean the bottom. This is thought to reduce accidents but can sometimes cause inflammation. If you don’t or can’t douche, then you might choose to gently clean the area instead

Remember, it’s personal choice and up to you to decide if you do or don’t douche.

Poop happens!

Sometimes nothing will happen then other times you will find that there might be a small amount of poop. This is no reason to feel embarrassed or upset, it is completely normal. Just make sure to jump into the shower.

It is natural to be worried about faeces or blood during anal sex especially if you have a condition that involves either. Pressure on the body in that particular area or the stomach can also add to the feeling of needing to go to the bathroom. It is worth communicating with your partner to discuss the potential outcome and prepping the area beforehand so you have towels close to hand or lube nearby.

You could also consider using gloves, dental dams and other protection to stop things from spreading or transferring. Everything – including toys – should be cleaned afterwards to prevent bacteria or anything nasty.

Positioning the body

Researching the right position for you and your body can take a while but its worth putting in the time. It can help you to feel more confident and keep any aches or pains to a minimum. This can include pillows, bolsters, wedges or any other positioning equipment that can help your body be in this position.

Lube and sensitivity

We already mentioned that lube is a must-have for anal sex as is finding the right one. It’s worth noting that some neurodivergent people may struggle with the texture of different lubes or the smell. Flavoured or fruity lubricants may have a strong smell which is difficult for some people. It might take a little while to shop around to find the right one.

We have loads of blog posts! Fancy reading more about sex, love and disability? Of course you do. Please visit the Undressing Disability blog section of our website to scroll through our selection.