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#UndressingDisability: Sex Ed for Teenagers

At Enhance The UK, we believe more conversations around sex & disability need to be started. We’re not shy, we’ll discuss just about anything!

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Frequently UNASKED Questions!

On the contrary, there’s many Frequently Unasked Questions about disability! People are often afraid to ask questions and worry about how to treat disabled people to avoid offending.

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Q&A’s

Your Sex Questions Answered

We receive a lot of curious questions from people with and without disabilities about sex. Here’s some of the most commonly asked questions.

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DON'T FORGET ABOUT
LIABILITY MAGAZINE!

Liability is an online monthly magazine published by us. It’s written by a group of women who all have disabilities and are not afraid to talk about them. They have a lot to say each month and topics covered range from sex and relationships to current affairs, politics and fashion. There really is something for everyone!

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Recent Blogs

There’s helpful information, questions and articles on our blog too…

Jáde has long black and blonde braids tied behind their head. They are looking at the camera and smiling. They are wearing a white t-shirt with a logo on the front.

Jade on….Cerebal Palsy, coping mechanism and dating

By Sex & disability, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability

Jáde is a 20-year-old, third-year undergrad student, living away from home for the first time. We asked Jáde about some of her experiences as a person with Cerebral Palsy.

When did you become aware that some people treat you differently, and have your coping mechanisms changed over time?

The first time I noticed people treating me differently because of my disability I was around 8 or 9. At that time, I used a walking frame to help me balance. One of my friends didn’t invite me to their birthday party because their parent said “Jáde’s frame is too big for our house! She won’t be able to fit in!” This upset my mum and I. I just wanted to be ‘normal’. From then on, I always knew I was different from others my age. 

I didn’t use to talk to anyone about how I felt. I was afraid people would think I was just being silly. Now, although I still struggle with telling people how I feel, I do talk to my friends about my disability. They may not always understand, but they are always there to help me cope. 

Was your choice of university influenced by its support for students with disabilities?

My university choice was strongly influenced by the accommodation available for students who require adapted rooms. 

In some respects, I do feel that the university prioritises the needs of those with disabilities. In my second year, I was invited to an interview for an on-campus job, which was only open to students with disabilities. As only disabled students could apply, I felt I had more of a chance, as I wouldn’t be competing against non-disabled students. I did get the role, and I am proud to be able to advocate for other disabled students and to have a say in decisions about policies and accessibility on campus.  

In other respects, I think there is more the university could do to improve societies and sports facilities to make them more accessible to disabled students. Also, some of the older parts of the campus are very difficult, and in some cases impossible, for someone in a wheelchair to navigate. One building has a lift, but it requires a 10-minute journey round to the opposite side to get to it!  

Has your disability impacted dating?

I think so, yes. Some people automatically assume that I am not competent, and they can be put off by my wheelchair (I have actually been told that!) 

I think it comes from a lack of knowledge and understanding, though. 

What impact, if any, do you find your disability has on relationships?

In the past, I have been excluded from plans my friends make because they say the venues are not accessible. I find myself worrying that they use accessibility as an excuse – maybe they don’t like me, or they don’t want the inconvenience of having to deal with my wheelchair. This results in my isolating myself and not speaking to people. It’s hard to be outgoing and start new friendships when I’m worried that my wheelchair is seen as a problem. 

This year, you took your first solo holiday abroad. Can you tell us about any challenges you faced, and would you do it again?

I was shocked that I didn’t face any unexpected challenges! It went really well, and I would 100% do it again. I am currently planning my next one!

What are some of the ways people can be supportive and inclusive of people with CP?

If you meet someone with Cerebral Palsy, ensure that you plan activities and locations that are accessible to them – whether this is for wheelchairs, sight or hearing impairments. Nobody likes to be excluded, and it’s embarrassing to feel like an inconvenience and a burden. 

Treat a person with CP the same way you would treat a person who does not have CP. They really are no different. 

Interested in reading more stories and experiences from disabled people? Head to our blog page to find more.

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Jen on…..dyslexia, dating and parenting

By Disability, Sex & disability, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability

Jen is a mature student, taking the courageous step of studying for a full-time degree. She hopes to pursue a career in education.

We asked Jen about receiving a dyslexia diagnosis as an adult and how this affects her experiences.

Can you tell us how your dyslexia diagnosis came about?

When I was 19, I went to uni to study Dance Performance, a subject I really love. I excelled at, and very much enjoyed, the dancing and choreography elements. I could visualise everything in my head, but just couldn’t translate it to paper. I didn’t know I was dyslexic then, and there was no mention of support or accessibility strategies. I ended up dropping out at the end of the first semester, feeling like I had failed. I became very depressed and gave up on education, believing it’s just not for me.

Over a decade later, I decided to try uni again, thinking I might be able to cope better as a mature student. My support tutor noticed there were things I struggled with, so she recommended that I have an assessment. Luckily, following the diagnosis, I was able to access some technical support software, which helps to make studying more accessible. I really appreciate this, but there are still things that I seem to find more challenging than the other students appear to.

How does being dyslexic affect your day-to-day life?

Dyslexia can mean that everyday thought processes are pretty jumbled. I forget dates and times, and when I do remember, I can get them mixed up.

When I was growing up, it took me longer to learn to tell the time. Even now, I struggle to figure out timings, including my working hours. In the past, I have lost money and have been taken advantage of because of my difficulty keeping track of time.  

I find that the organisation can be very chaotic, so I am often running late. In supermarkets, I struggle to read labels and cannot keep a mental note of adding up prices. So I regularly spend more than I had intended. It helps to stick to one store, where I visually know the layout, and I know that my regular items will be within my budget.

Because of difficulty with spelling, I generally spell things out phonetically. I worry that this will be a barrier to my planned career working with children.

Does being dyslexic affect your dating life?

My boyfriend has a lot of patience with me! He understands a lot of the different ways my mind works. Recently, he remembered our anniversary – I didn’t! For partners who don’t understand dyslexia, things like this could be problematic!

As a parent of young children, are there additional challenges that you attribute to being dyslexic?

The amount of daily admin involved with having children can be very overwhelming. I have a lot of anxiety around drop-off and collection due to my struggles with time. As time management is so difficult, I find it seriously stressful to plan the things I need to do before it’s time to pick the children up again. This makes me very tired.

I believe my dyslexia does have a positive side – I am very creative. Time with my children is never boring, and they find our creativity a lot of fun. I try to be very structured in my parenting style, which works well for me and the kids. Although I do worry that this might seem controlling, as I have to have the house clean and tidy. This is an ongoing battle, as children leave things everywhere!

Do you find that being dyslexic affects your self-esteem?

Growing up, my self-esteem was dreadful. I am very oversensitive, which meant I struggled to make friends. I couldn’t (and still can’t) understand sarcasm. As a teenager, I internalised this as bullying.

I have body issues and constantly compare myself to others, and I do not appreciate my achievements. I worry that I am not as reliable as other people, and I hope that I can find a job where my positives can be celebrated. 

Want to read more blogs on disability? Why not visit our blog page to find more!

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Love Lounge: Need advice on finding love after a stroke

By Sex & disability, The Love Lounge, Undressing Disability

The Question:

I had a stroke 5 years ago, in my 30s. I lost 80% of my left hemisphere and had to learn to walk and talk again.  I’m so lucky that I have regained my mobility and speech – I know others who have only lost a tiny part of their brain, but due to where the stroke was, have lost speech. 

My difficulty is that I can’t read or write. This makes daily life such a challenge – looking at timetables for buses, planning, meeting people, and I can no longer work.

My relationship broke down and I’d like to meet someone else but it’s so hard using dating apps when I can’t read and write. There’s no flow and everything takes ages to copy and paste for my phone to read it to me, so I think people will lose interest. Any ideas?

Jayden

The answer:

Hi,

Well done on your recovery for a start! 

Are you using the accessibility features on your smartphone? iPhone has a built-in screen reader called VoiceOver, and the Android equivalent is called TalkBack.  These will speak back to you what is on the screen and give auditory descriptions of screen elements, notifications and alerts. However, they definitely take a while to get used to navigating it. As your sight isn’t affected, a YouTube video tutorial might be beneficial!!

Another option is to use dating apps that allow you to send voice notes and videos – such as Hinge. This means you can be more free-flowing and show your personality as you are, rather than taking ages to send messages back and forth.

The other way is to go old school and meet people in person! Get involved in activities, etc, that you enjoy and meet people that way. They’ll have a common interest and see all elements of you, not the restricted version, battling with text messages! 

Best,

Zoe

Want to read more Love Lounge questions? Head to our blog post page to find more

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