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The Question

Hi Love Lounge!

My boyfriend and I are getting on really well, and thinking of taking the next steps in our relationship by going to a sex party together.  I’m a wheelchair user and super excited by this, but I’m worried that people will laugh at me, or that I’ll find it difficult to do things and get involved when I’m there.  Do you have any advice for me please?  Thanks!

Our Answer

Hello! And thank you so much for writing in to us! Firstly, I’m excited for you! This sounds great! I’m a wheelchair user too, and I’ve been to a sex party before, so I totally get your concerns.  As with most things, I think this is about communication between you and your partner.  Sex parties sound amazing, and they really can be! But they can also be unexpected, a little weird, and they do require a bit of thought beforehand.  You both sound like you really want to do this, and that’s fantastic.  But have you discussed what you both want to get out of this, what you’re expecting to get up to, and any boundaries either of you have? If you’re planning to stay together the whole time, and get involved with things that you can both take part in, then only things that are possible for you and your impairment should be on the table (in my opinion!)  If you’re planning to explore the party independently, then things could get a little more tricky.  I guess I’d separate it into three main steps:

Accessible venue

Sounds obvious, but make sure the venue is accessible and has accessible bathrooms before you go.  That should calm some of your understandable apprehension.

Explore first

I’m guessing that this will be your first sex party, so make sure to get your bearings first! Have a look at all the different areas and activities that are on offer. Make a mental note of things that you’ll be able to, and most importantly want to, do! There’s no pressure to try everything, or even anything, on the first night. Just use the experience to gain confidence in yourself sexually.

Feel comfortable enough to redefine sexy

Sexy isn’t always about crazy positions, being able to straddle, and jumping onto every bit of equipment possible! What’s wrong with staying in your chair and being intimate with someone, or using toys in a way that works for you? I promise you that if you feel comfortable enough to do what works for you, that is flipping sexy and you won’t get laughed at.  And if you do? At least you know that person is far from someone you want to get your rocks of with!

Have fun, and own it!
Em x

Join us on Instagram @UndressingDisability and on twitter @ETUKUndressing. Learn more about sex and disability by purchasing our ‘Undressing Disability’ ebook priced at £5.99. All proceeds go to support our charity.

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