Dear Love Lounge,
I’m 23 and in a new relationship. I had cancer aged 12 and lost my right leg from the knee down. I’m comfortable in my own skin and after a few pints I’m confident enough to chat up girls and get laid. I’ve been dating someone I really like but she insists on using condoms, and I really hate condoms. I still have check-ups, but the specialist is God fearing and ages with my Grandad, so asking questions about sex feels weird. I reckon with all the chemo I had my tadpoles will not be champion swimmers. How can I find that out so we can ditch the condoms?
Hi, thanks so much for writing in!
Honestly? You’re probably not going to like my response but, until your relationship is more established, I think your partner has a very good point. Condoms don’t just prevent pregnancy, they prevent STI’s too. As well as having sex, a new relationship is about gaining trust. And regardless of how many check-ups you have, your girlfriend probably just wants to keep herself safe – and good for her!
What do you hate condoms? If it’s the fit or feel, there are loads of different sizes and textures on the market. Try and be playful about it, seeing which ones feel the best for both of you. Find out where you can get free condoms via this NHS link.
Then, we’d suggest attending your next check up with your girlfriend. Ask to see a different specialist if possible to talk about the impact chemotherapy may or may not have had on your fertility. Or just drop in at your local sexual health clinic, where you can both chat about your worries, concerns, and explore all types of contraception. Only condoms protect against STIs though, so that part really is a trust thing! Build on that, and the rest might just follow. If you sign up to our Undressing Disability Hub for free, you can access our free resource on all types of contraception.
Love Lounge Team x
Learn More & Join Our Hub
We get lots of questions to our Love Lounge. We answer each individual one privately, then make them anonymous and publish here to help more people. Use the search box on our website to look for a specific topic e.g. disclosing disability, or accessible sex positions. If we can help you, then email us.
Join us on twitter @ETUKUndressing or Instagram @UndressingDisability. You can also join our Undressing Disability Hub for free.