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Typing the word ‘sexy’ makes me squirm a little bit, but it’s important! It sometimes seems that, by not choosing us for films, adverts and campaigns, society is trying to tell us disabled people something: that we aren’t desirable, or worthy of attention based on our looks.

Excuse the language, but that is utter bollocks. Sadly though, it can often have the desired effect, and we can feel less-than in so many ways, not least sexually. So, how can we get our mojo back and ensure that feeling fiiiine isn’t just for the non-disabled? Read on for some of my personal hints and tips (and feel free to add your own!)

Tip 1: You are Enough

I read so many articles that encourage readers to focus on everything other than their impairment when it comes to feeling attractive. There’s no need! Instead, we need to start believing that every bit of us is sexy, even the bits that don’t work properly, or do the opposite of what we want them to!

First things first, take the time to appreciate the whole ‘you’, even the parts of your body or personality that you’ve always been insecure about. It’s easier said than done, we know, but it really does make quite the difference when you can look in the mirror, give yourself a little smile and think
‘yep, you’ll do!’

Tip 2: Unravel the attractiveness

One of the things that annoys me most about how many people view disability is weirdly also one of the things I find most attractive about myself. I’ll try to explain… There is nothing that makes me feel more attractive when meeting someone new on a night out than when they’ve all but cast me aside because I’m a wheelchair user, and I ‘unravel’ other parts of myself – my interests, opinions and humour – and can see the person that didn’t want to know a minute ago suddenly changing their mind.

Their initial narrow mindedness probably means that I won’t be going home with them, but knowing that their mentality has changed just a little bit makes me feel so good, and powerful in a way. Find what it is that makes you feel powerful and attractive, and work it!

Tip 3: Haters gonna hate.

And that’s okay, don’t let them grind you down. You’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea – none of us are – but its important not to let one opinion define you. Change the things you want to and can, and move forward loving the bits you can’t, because worrying about and apologising for who you are and what you’re about isn’t sexy; owning it is.
Here’s to you, you sexy thing. Go get ‘em!

Join us on Instagram @UndressingDisability and on Twitter @ETUKUndressing. Learn more about sex and disability by purchasing our ‘Undressing Disability’ ebook priced at £5.99 All proceeds go to support our charity.

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