I haven’t been on a date in well over a year and am finding it increasingly hard to meet women…

Peter, Bath – “I haven’t been on a date in well over a year and am finding it increasingly hard to meet women and get out of the house because of the pain of my early onset osteoporosis. How can I get myself motivated and out the house?”

Mik – Dear Peter, I also know the joys of chronic pain and how debilitating it can be. I have tried everything to fight it, both conventional and alternative, and I might suggest trying Mindfullness. It’s a meditation technique thatmight sound a but hippy dippy, but I have found it really works. Not only as a method of counteracting the pain but also to give you back some feeling of control. That feeling of being the captain of you own ship is the thing that will help with motivation, so it really important to get the ball rolling. Ask your GP or at your pain clinic about Mindfullness and for advice on controlling your pain. If you aren’t being seen by a pain clinic, that must be top of your list. Even before you start out on the road of finding methods of fighting your pain I would suggest allowing yourself to feel down, ill and angry. We always get told to keep your chin up and other such arse, but until you have felt real chronic pain it is difficult to understand. While it can stop you from doing anything, and I know in my past I have spent years lying on my sofa unable to sleep for days wishing I would just pass out to have some release, I would advise you to start small. Little trips out, doing things you really enjoy. Imagine it is like a little baby, trying to learn to walk. You make short trips, not pushing yourself too hard, and then build up to longer and longer ventures into the outside world. It’s a balance between reclaiming your life from your pain and not making it worse. But you will win. If for no other reason that you eventually get used to it. However try to get your medical team to understand how bad the pain is and get them to do something for you, as it can be controlled. I have my daily pain medicine, and then something stronger for break through. With the Mindfullness to help me when it gets really bad or when I know I need to spend days at work, I have a full arsenal to fight and defeat pain. With the right help you can too, and then you control it and not it you. Once you reach this point you will look back to now and see how far you have come. Trust me, it is possible. Good luck, and if you need any more help please get in touch.

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