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The Question

Dear Love Lounge,

I have a middle aged male client who I support at home with care. He has progressive MS and is interested in having sexual contact with someone.
I would like advice as to how I can go about helping him. I have done a bit of research into sex workers and it seems like this would be an option? How do I go about getting a sex worker that will assist him with his access needs etc.
Any assistance will be greatly appreciated.
Kindly
S

The Answer

Thank you for reaching out to us, and it’s great to see that you are open to helping your client in this way. He must really appreciate that.

We have considered your question and will advise you of the legalities as well as making sure both you and your client are happy with the process.

It sounds as though you have an open, trusting relationship for him to have made his wishes known to you, and for you to source a way of facilitating this for him.  As well as the booking of someone, there’s the discussions to be had about your part in it.  Would he like you to stay in the house for safety, or go out for a while? Will you be there when the person comes in, will you help undress him etc, or would he rather the sex worker do this? Make your plan together clear, so that you don’t cross any boundaries or make each other feel awkward in the situation.  Say what you both are comfortable with re how involved you will be.

Now with regard to the legalities, the situation is as follows;

The service user must place the booking themselves and make all arrangements.  If the service user is not able to do this (by virtue of their disability) then it is permitted for a staff member to place the booking and make the arrangements for a service user, if the service user is over the age of consent and has ‘capacity’ to consent.

It is best if the client pays over any money to the sex worker themselves as the law still has a grey, and untested, area of ‘procurement’.  If, however, the service user needs physical support to hand over his or her money by a staff member, there should be no problem as long as it is clear that the money is the service user’s own, he or she has asked for this support and the service user is in full agreement with the mutually agreed price for services to be provided.

You may have already found a website offering these services, but one we can recommend is the TLC Trust as they work specifically with disabled people, so have the experience and tact of how to manage many different scenarios.  They may be on the pricey side, but this will be up to your client..

Hope this information helps and we wish you all the best!

Zoe

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