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New blog post from Gavin

“Cause I’ve started falling apart I’m not savoring life
I’ve forgotten how good it could be to feel alive”

These lyrics from the song Machines by Biffy Clyro feel like they really speak to me at the moment, representing how I felt when I woke up this morning. I can write a whole post on feelings of depression but I feel that is for a future post.

I have different songs which shall be forever be associated with different points in my life. Songs that feel like they were written specifically for me, for that moment, the afternoon I spent on the train to Liverpool to break up with my first girlfriend (we got back together later and subsequently got married, then I lost my hair and we got divorced. I’m not saying we got divorced because I lost my hair but there was definite correlation there) or the 90s emo classic Last Resort, It just felt like it spoke to me, okay?

“So why are you sat at home?
You’re not designed to be alone
You just got used to saying “no”
So get up and get down and get outside”

Reasons not to be an idiot by Frank Turner came out of nowhere to me. Listening to the radio back in February of 2009 this song really caught my attention. The awesome acoustic guitar and the lyrics that seemed to smack me in the middle of my forehead. My diagnosis with MS had only been given to me 15 months prior to that and whilst I still had my happy, smiley, beardy face to show everyone else, on the inside things probably weren’t that rosey for me. I fell in love with that song, it’s lyrics were exactly what I needed to hear at that time. In fact it’s still one of my favourite songs.

“Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shootin’ stars,
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now”

Airplanes by b.o.b. featuring Hayley Williams came to me at a trying time for me. I had finally managed to get back to walking without my crutches after working really hard at my Physiotherapy and I had even begun thinking that I might be able to get back onto the field and play some ultimate frisbee again (I was never particularly talented at the game, barely being able to catch the disc and with a 100m time of about 19 seconds, I was more a ‘tryer’) until my MS had other ideas and I needed to use a wheelchair once again.

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