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Love Lounge

Free advice on all things sex, love and disability

Feeling alone and need to talk to someone? Looking for down to earth advice or need some practical tips on sex, relationships and flirting? Please talk to our resident love and sexperts! Everybody wants to feel that they ‘belong’ and finding a sense of belonging with another person is very important to so many of us. Yet finding a ‘soul mate,’ for many people, is not so simple especially when you have a disability.

Sex and Disability

Even if you’re in an established relationship, all sorts of tensions and difficulties can crop up. It’s especially hard if one of you becomes chronically sick, disabled or has an impairment which changes. It can then become not only something you both need to get your head round, but could mean your partner now has to assist you in different ways and offer you ‘care’ in a way they haven’t done before.

The dynamic of your relationship could change. Sex might become physically or emotionally difficult. Or you may end up feeling like you’re living with your best friend and that sex is off the menu all together. Maybe you’re single and want to date, have fun, find the person of your dreams? Or you want to play the field but are scared of ending up feeling like a novelty shag. Where do you look for a partner? How do you approach intimacy? When do you mention an impairment or disability?

Living in a care home and maintaining or even establishing a relationship is no easy feat. Lack of information, attitudes, privacy and access are massive barriers. After all, how many double beds have you ever seen in a care home?

Get to know your love gurus!

Emily yates smiling with bright pink lipstick and a colourful dress

Emily Yates

Emily manages the Undressing disability campaign. She is also an accessible travel writer and accessibility consultant. She has cerebral palsy, uses a wheelchair, and has had relationships with both able-bodied and disabled partners.

Katherine Sellors smiling

Katherine Sellors

Katherine Sellors is a newly qualified occupational therapist. She is passionate about all aspects of sex, sexuality and Occupational Therapy input. Especially regarding those with disabilities and enabling them to engage in sexual expression in the same manner as someone without a disability.

Ted Shirres smiling

Ted Shiress

Ted Shiress is and has been many things to many people and has partially succeeded in at least some of them. As a guy with Cerebral Palsy in his thirties he has definitely had his fair share of lessons, and he is here to let his unique take on life guide his answers to your Love Lounge queries!
Mik looking directly into the camera, with red spikey hair and a coloured grid pattern behind him

Mik Scarlet

Mik is a big personality in the media world, representing disability in his own unique way.  He has presented shows on BBC2, Channel 4, ITV, Total Rock Radio and BBC 3 Counties Radio.

Zoe Lloyd sat in her wheelchair smiling on a pier

Zoe Lloyd

Zoe became a wheelchair user 21 years ago when she became very ill with Rheumatoid Arthritis.  Despite being a very positive, happy go lucky person, she had crises of confidence and identity issues about not being the fit active sporty person she once was. This led her into therapy and after seeing the positive transition in herself, she decided to become a counsellor.

Damian smiling at the camera

Damian Weatherald

Damian has the somewhat ‘invisible’ condition of Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (and a number of associated conditions).

He has over 15 years experience in the sex toy industry, a love of live (and loud) music and has been with his non-disabled wife for over 20 years.

How to contact the love lounge

Send us your question

We know that some people prefer to receive advice and information via email. This allows a greater degree of anonymity and allows you to really reflect on the written advice you are provided with. You can submit a question to our love lounge team by emailing us at Lovelounge@enhancetheuk.org and one of our panel will respond to you.

Book in a Love Lounge Surgery

Do you feel that you’d like to be able to have an honest face to face conversation about disability and sex/relationships with someone, but don’t know who to turn to? Well, we’re super excited to
offer you a unique opportunity to discuss anything in this area with our Love Lounge team.

In January 2023 we are launching Love Lounge Surgeries which are virtual (online) chats with 2 members of our team. Where else can you get the chance to chat to people for 50 minutes with
lived experience, and a wealth of knowledge from the people they have met over the years AND it be a free service?! Yep, not really anywhere else! We answer so many questions on the Love Lounge site but sometimes emails go back and forth for ages if it’s a complex issue. We understand that some people need to have a conversation where more information can be shared and feelings explored, often leading to a more supported resolution, or at least just someone who understands to really hear them.

If you, or a relative or friend could benefit from this one-of-a-kind service then all you must do is book out a time on our calendar, and mention briefly the nature of the topic you’d like to discuss (if we can get an expert in that area to join us that will be a fantastic bonus).

Please read this important information about using our Love Lounge service or our Easy Read important information about using our Love Lounge service

Learn about our Love Lounge in BSL

Love Lounge Q&As

You are not alone. We all have worries and questions about dating, sex, love and relationships. Read our articles and contact us if you need more help.

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