Firstly, the people who love us are programmed to look after us if we get sick, but sometimes this can go too far. If this happens, it is up to you to step in and make some clear new rules.
Changing how your partner treats you starts with changing how you expect to be to be treated.
Let’s be honest, being in hospital and having nurses do everything for you at the touch of a button can actually be quite a nice experience. One that you can easily get used to, especially if you have trouble doing some things for yourself because of your illness. There is even a point where we completely forget how to do things for ourselves, this is called institutionalisation.
I know I secretly quite enjoyed having nurses wait on me hand and foot, and then when I went home I unconsciously treated my wife like a nurse asking her to do almost everything for me. This made us both uncomfortable.
If you act like a patient sometimes your partner will react by taking up the role as nurse and treating you as a helpless hospital patient. It is a situation where it takes two to tango which means you have the power to change things quickly.
Acting like a helpless patient is NOT sexy, but the situation can be fixed relatively quickly and easily. First, as with most problems looking for a solution, you need to talk about some new rules.
We talked and agreed the cast iron rule. That she should assume I can do X myself and I will only ever ask for help if I can’t do it.
This new rule turned out to be quite empowering as I didn’t realise how I was sometimes actually deliberately making myself helpless in order to get help!
I got lazy and institutionalised in hospital to the point where I expected help all the time with everything.
So, if your partner is treating you like a patient it might mean you have unconsciously taken the habit of being nursed like one at home. We are programmed by millions of years of evolution to take the most efficient day-to-day route to living and being waited on hand and foot is easier than doing everything ourselves.
But it has a severe side effect that our partner will end us treating us differently, yet this can be avoided simply by:
Having a conversation with your partner and make it clear you don’t like being treated like a patient in a hospital and that they should only help you if you ask for it.
Firstly, the people who love us are programmed to look after us if we get sick, but sometimes this can go too far. If this happens, it is up to you to step in and make some clear new rules.
Changing how your partner treats you starts with changing how you expect to be to be treated.
Let’s be honest, being in hospital and having nurses do everything for you at the touch of a button can actually be quite a nice experience. One that you can easily get used to, especially if you have trouble doing some things for yourself because of your illness. There is even a point where we completely forget how to do things for ourselves, this is called institutionalisation.
I know I secretly quite enjoyed having nurses wait on me hand and foot, and then when I went home I unconsciously treated my wife like a nurse asking her to do almost everything for me. This made us both uncomfortable.
If you act like a patient sometimes your partner will react by taking up the role as nurse and treating you as a helpless hospital patient. It is a situation where it takes two to tango which means you have the power to change things quickly.
Acting like a helpless patient is NOT sexy, but the situation can be fixed relatively quickly and easily. First, as with most problems looking for a solution, you need to talk about some new rules.
We talked and agreed the cast iron rule. That she should assume I can do X myself and I will only ever ask for help if I can’t do it.
This new rule turned out to be quite empowering as I didn’t realise how I was sometimes actually deliberately making myself helpless in order to get help!
I got lazy and institutionalised in hospital to the point where I expected help all the time with everything.
So, if your partner is treating you like a patient it might mean you have unconsciously taken the habit of being nursed like one at home. We are programmed by millions of years of evolution to take the most efficient day-to-day route to living and being waited on hand and foot is easier than doing everything ourselves.
But it has a severe side effect that our partner will end us treating us differently, yet this can be avoided simply by:
Step 1: Have a conversation with your partner and make it clear you don’t like being treated like a patient in a hospital and that they should only help you if you ask for it.
Step 2: Start to act like the independent survivor you are and try to do everything that you can, yourself.
Step 3: Strictly enforce these new rules and refuse help from your partner unless you asked.
Take these three steps and you will be surprised how quickly your partner will start testing you like a normal human being again!
Start to act like the independent survivor you are and try to do everything that you can, yourself.
Step Three: Strictly enforce these new rules and refuse help from your partner unless you asked.
Take these three steps and you will be surprised how quickly your partner will start testing you like a normal human being again!
It’s about time sooemne wrote about this.