“Being a man with restricted growth means I get a lot of attention in gay bars and clubs. However, this isn’t always the positive kind and I’m now looking for a serious relationship. Should I try another method of meeting guys? I’m so used to the gay ‘scene’ I don’t know where to start!”
Adam, Glasgow
Andrew’s advice…
The gay scene can indeed be a daunting one. As a wheelchair user myself, the scene is often inaccessible to me, as the buildings are not equipped for access. However, when I have gone, I either receive no attention or awkward attention – by which I mean people are not quite sure how to react to me. In those instances, I try to just have fun and be myself.
In your quest for a relationship, you may want to try online dating. I know that we all have our qualms about it, but you could at least put yourself out there in a different way. Specifically, online dating allows you in a sense, to market yourself and your disability in the way that you want it to be perceived by others.
I would also suggest going to games nights or discussion night that isn’t directly related to the ‘scene’. This will give the community a chance to get to know you and learn about your disability outside of the overly sexualised scene.
But there a big drawback here: your secret peeper can simply deny that he or she was looking at your screen. And then what will you do? Call him or her a liar? Of course, even if they do deny it, your problem is likely already solved. Most people won look again. It would take orangutan balls to stare at your screen again after being verbally chastised for doing so. But others definitely will. (Like me!)Tactic Four: Full Frontal Assault