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Jul 23

How having a PA changed my experience of parenthood

By Undressing Disability

A guest blog by Kelly Perks-Bevington

I’m Kelly and am a disability awareness trainer for Enhance The UK, and I’ve got two little boys, Mason who is two and a half, and Hunter who is just seven weeks old. When I was invited to write this article about parenthood, I thought about it and there is no better piece that I could write than talking about my experience of parenthood this time using PA’s.

Wait and See

When I was having Mason, I really had no idea what to expect, and largely neither did the doctors. They said it was a “wait and see” situation, which of course is what every expectant mother wants to hear! It really was that! After thinking about a natural birth or a c-section and flip flopping between the two Mason decided himself that he wanted to be born at 38 weeks, and after getting to 10cm dilated and pushing, he decided again that he didn’t want to come out that way which meant that I was to have an emergency c-section under general anaesthetic.

In Control

The whole experience with Hunter from start to finish was completely different, I had control. I decided on a c-section at 37 weeks (to avoid him beating me to it!) and I decided also to try a spinal so that I could be awake for his birth. As I have scoliosis of the spine without rods or surgery it was pretty much a gamble as to whether the spinal would take, how far up it would go or whether it would be too low down. But I was determined to try it. I wanted to see my baby born, and I wanted it on my own terms. It worked after three pretty painful attempts.

It was really eye opening to actually figure out, along with the consultant where my spine actually was, and which nerves reacted to being prodded with a pretty giant needle!

Kelly holds her newborn son Hunter, she is wearing a leopard print top and has dark hair and blue eyes

The Spinal

The spinal was INSANE, it felt like warm pins and needles running through my lower body and the consultant said that despite my spine it was some of his best work – “the perfect spinal”! I felt in control, and when I heard my baby’s first cry I was in bits! Such a special moment.

Living with PA’s and having a baby

From the start of the journey with Hunter I had complete control and that has not changed at all now. I am in full control, thanks to my PA’s. I can get the assistance I need, and I am able to make ALL of my own parenting choices.

Throughout Mason’s early years I was reliant quite a lot on family and they were fab. However, family often make decisions on your behalf, not maliciously or to take over, but just because it is often easier for them to jump in for a feed, or to comfort the baby there and then rather than help with positioning etc.!

Don’t get wrong, I am so grateful for all of my family support with both kids, I couldn’t be without it! But a PA is literally there to assist you, not to do the job for you. Of course, my PA’s love baby cuddles too but it is all on my terms.

Because of my amazing team I’m able to take the time out I need to do everything I need to do. Whether it’s going for a quick wee (something so many moms don’t get to do, especially disabled ones!) or grabbing that much needed bath. It is amazing to be able to work to a schedule with support, rather than just frantically trying to do everything that needs doing.

The Importance of Self Care

With Mason, I ended up in hospital due to my lack of time for basic self-care, and it was serious. I ended up with sepsis and was hospitalized for a week. This time, I have someone who is there for me, making sure I drink enough, making sure I go to the toilet and making sure I am eating properly. I can’t explain how important that is. It would be amazing if all new moms had PA’s, disability or not because honestly the help is invaluable!

A selfie of Kelly and her two year old son Mason who is sitting in his car seat. Kelly has bright red lipstick on to matchher bright red adidas jacket.

Invaluable Support

Finding a care agency that can work with you and provide tailored support is also so important! My care company made sure I was part of the process from start to finish, recruiting my own PA’s and then they allow me to work on my own rotas, ensuring that I have the perfect PA for each task at hand!

It’s important to me that I have the control element just like anyone else.  The support I have had has literally changed and enhanced my life!

Enjoy all our latest articles, interviews and news by connecting with us on Instagram and twitter or search hashtag #UndressingDisability.

All images copyright Kelly Perks-Bevington.

 

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Disabled Parenting – A podcast with Fran Hamilton

 

Jun 07

Disabled Parenting – A podcast with Fran Hamilton

By Disability, Undressing Disability

Fran Hamilton is a woman who loves a challenge, and has an infectious cackle to make anyone smile. 7 years ago, when her daughter was only 8 months old, Fran became a one-armed mum after a nasty motorbike accident. In this podcast with Emily Yates of Enhance The UK, Fran shares her hints, tips and hacks on disabled parenting and tells a good few stories, too!

‘It’s a different journey from everyone else but it’s YOUR journey. Never give up. You have to believe in yourself and make it happen.’

Fran explains how she coped adapting to becoming disabled as a new mum. Sharing tricks for fastening nappies and steering prams when you’ve only got one arm, to dealing with other peoples questions.

Disabled Parenting - Fran with her daughter Lily

Disabled parenting is a taboo subject. With a society that still sees disability as less than desirable, many of us are viewed as incapable of having and looking after children. Fran explains her capabilities as a disabled mum, and her hilarious anecdotes prove that anything is possible – finding a solution just might be a little tougher, or take a little longer.

‘One time in the play park, a dad was staring. He nudged the mum and she stared too, then their child joined it. I’d taught my daughter that wasn’t the right way to behave so when she saw them she shouted “It’s rude to stare you know!” I’m very proud of her.’

‘Don’t always pretend you’re okay. I’m really rubbish at asking for help and get myself stressed out. Remember that it’s okay to not be okay.’

Huge thanks to Fran for joining us in this podcast. Keep up to date with all our interviews, articles and more by joining us on twitter @ETUKUndressing and Instagram @UndressingDisability.

 

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