From acronyms to words to toys!
What does that even mean?!
When it comes to sex, it can often feel like it’s another world out there especially when it comes to language. No sooner do you learn what rimming means than someone asks if you are going to second base which is before you even google what a ‘glory hole’ is.
As tempting as it can feel to nod and smile when it comes to admitting you aren’t sure what the words, terminology or toy names might mean, it can make a difference to consent. After all, you cannot consent if you don’t understand the fine print of what you are signing up for.
Here are some of the more common acronyms and what they mean. This resource will be updated periodically to reflect how quickly language can change.
Sex Act terminology
Anal sex
Sexual activity where one person penetrates the anus of another person. If you are taking part in anal sex, make sure that you use a condom and lubricant. As there is no natural lubricant in the anus, the extra friction can cause a condom to tear more easily or cause cuts or bruises to the skin. Lubricant may also help to reduce any pain.
Adult baby
Someone who enjoys or gets gratification from role-playing as an infant. This can mean they enjoy wearing nappies and receiving affection.
Auto erotic asphyxiation / breath control
The intentional restriction of oxygen to the brain for sexual arousal. This can be extremely dangerous, and people have accidentally died as a result of this practice.
Aftercare
The time after a BDSM (see below) session where someone can have time to calm themselves, discuss the session or exit a scene.
Base
American slang for how far you have gone with someone sexually. E.g. – first base means kissing, etc.
Bareback
Having sex without a condom. This can also be referred to as ‘raw.’ This can leave you susceptible to STDs and pregnancy.
Boning
Having sex.
Bondage and/or Discipline (B&D)
Roleplay where one person is the dominant (Dom) and the other is a submissive (Sub). It usually centres around power and submission or might involve restraints, pain, permission, or punishment.
Blackmail
When one person (with consent as part of role play!) produces something that would be embarrassing if it was to get out to family, friends, or work. This forms part of a consensual non-consent practice (see below) where they are blackmailed into taking part or not taking part in a relationship or sexual act.
Breeding
Unprotected anal sex OR breeding can be used as a term for someone who has a pregnancy kink.
Breast bondage
The act of binding the breasts so they create different bulges or are flattened against the chest. This can be done with materials like rope, fabric, PVC, or binders.
Breast pain/ torture
This could be several different acts designed to torture a person’s breasts for sexual gratification.
Bottom/ing or topping
Someone who is the receiver during sexual acts. A person may prefer to be ‘a bottom’ or be versatile or a switch which means they also like to top. To top/topping is the reverse of bottoming.
Casual sex
Sexual contact between two people who may not be partners but enjoy having sex with each other on occasion.
Cock and ball torture
This could be several different acts designed to torture a person’s penis or testicles for sexual gratification.
Chastity
A form of sexual denial or orgasm denial where someone is prevented from receiving pleasure. This is often through a device like a chastity belt or a cage which their partner may have the means to lock or unlock.
Cross-dressing
The act of wearing clothes usually associated with one gender when you identify with another.
Clapping cheeks
Having sex.
Consensual non-consent (CNC)
When two or more people have an agreement in advance about what their partner/s are allowed to do. This usually refers to acts that are considered controversial due to issues around consent. It means discussing boundaries ahead of the act clearly and outlining where the permission starts and stops. (See free use or blackmail)
Cam-sex
Sex on camera, usually for money.
Caning
A form of punishing usually with a wooden or rattan cane on the bottom. Cold caning refers to this act without a warm-up first. A warm-up of lighter taps usually helps to get blood flowing to the area to avoid marking the skin and reduce the pain someone feels.
Cucking
Where one person gets a sexual thrill from watching their partner with other people. Sometimes, the person or ‘cuck’ may not even be in the room when this is taking place but gets off on the act being described to them. It can also be used as a form of domination or submission.
Douche
A spray of water, soap or medication into the vagina or anus. This may be done to keep the vagina or anus clean before or after sex.
Dogging
Engaging in sexual acts in public while others (usually strangers) watch.
Dicked down
To have had vigorous sex.
Dry Humping/ frottage
The act of two bodies rubbing together while fully dressed.
Enema play
When people find enemas sexually arousing or gratifying. This could involve kinks around physical discomfort or humiliation.
Erotic humiliation
The consensual act of humiliating your partner either verbally, physically or testing their boundaries.
Erotic sexual denial
Where one person denies sex or sex acts to another person who is aroused. The idea is to keep the person in a constant state of arousal.
Fetish
A sex act that someone needs for sexual arousal. It differs from a kink in that a fetish is a requirement whereas a kink is an interest someone might enjoy but doesn’t need for sex to take place. There are tons of different fetishes from feet to food, to body piercings or leather.
Fetlife
A social media site for those into fetish, kink and BDSM.
Financial domination
This is a fetish associated with a person having complete control over another person’s financial situation. A person (*money slave, fin sub, paypig or sub) gives gifts or money to the dominant partner.
Flashing
The act of exposing intimate parts of your body to strangers.*
*Note: It’s one thing to give your partner a private flash but another to do this in public! There are laws around flashing in public and now online too. It can have a long-lasting effect on people’s emotional and mental well-being so be sure to obtain consent.
Felching
The sexual act of licking or sucking semen out of a partner’s anus.
Fisting
When one person places their fist inside the anus or vagina of another person. This is something that takes time to perfect, and lube. There are several different ways to build up to fisting and it is not something that can be or should be done without taking time to learn how to do it.
Figging
The act is sticking something spicy like ginger root into the anus or vagina. Usually used as a form of punishment.
Flirting
When two or more people like each other and engage in playful banter and behaviour designed to consciously and subconsciously show the other person they like them.
Foreplay
Sexual acts that people do to each other to create arousal. For example: oral sex, using vibrators, etc.
Friends with benefits / fuck buddy
A person with which you have repeated sexual encounters who is a friend but nothing more. A mutually agreed friendship….with extras!
Free use
This is usually a consensual non-consent act where boundaries and permissions will be discussed ahead of time. It means that a person does not have to ask for consent but uses their partner’s body for their own sexual gratification. There is a clear understanding from those involved that consent for this act has been given in advance.
Furry
A person who takes part in the subculture or lifestyle of furries. A person who is interested both sexually and non-sexually in animal characters with human characteristics. This may include having human facial expressions, speaking, walking on two legs, and/or wearing clothes.
Golden shower
One person urinates on another for sexual thrills or as part of a kink.
Glory hole
A hole made, usually, in a wall where one person will stick their penis through to be touched or have oral sex performed on them, usually by an anonymous person.
Girlfriend experience
Usually refers to the act of paying or asking someone to pretend to be a girlfriend while not dating them. Usually refers to sex worker and client situations. The boyfriend experience is the same with different genders.
Kink
A non-standard sexual activity or something that you are particularly interested in. People have different kinks and it’s important to have a conversation with your partner/s if you plan on introducing it into the bedroom.
Kink shaming
To make someone feel embarrassed about their kink or particular sexual interest.
Hand job
Using your hands to pleasure someone.
Hard limit
An absolute no or boundary limit from someone when it comes to a sexual act.
Handkerchief code/bracelet code
The act of wearing a handkerchief (traditionally in the gay scene in the back pocket of jeans) to denote which sexual act you are interested in. This has also been seen with plastic bracelets. Sometimes the bracelets denote how far you have gone sexually. Each colour means a different sex act and can communicate to others what you are interested in.
Hogtie
The binding of the wrists and ankles of a submissive person. This could be done with several different materials including rope or cuffs.
Horny / thirsty
The feeling of being sexually aroused.
Hook up
When two or more people get together for sex or sexual acts.
Impact play
A session that includes using things like whips, riding crops or floggers designed to create a sensation on the skin.
Libido/ sex drive
The amount someone wants to have sex.
Lust
The feeling of wanting someone sexually.
Lube
A liquid which is added to the body to increase slipperiness and reduce irritation. There are lots of different types on the market from water-based to oil or those that cause tingling sensations, or others that soothe with added aloe vera or CBD. Take time to try a few different ones but be careful to note if your partner/s are sensitive to fragrances or certain ingredients. Oil-based lubricants cannot be used with condoms as they can cause splitting – switch to water-based!
Masturbation/ wanking / fingering /touching yourself/ solo play *
Touching yourself for pleasure or orgasm. This can be done alone or with a partner (mutual masturbation)
* We’ve done our best to name all the slang but let’s face it, we could be here all day!
Mummification
A full-body bondage that completely immobilises the person who is tied up often using different materials.
Munch
A meet-up group for people who practise BDSM in a public place. This is usually designed so that people can meet others who are into the same things.
Needle play
Temporary piercings done with needles of different thicknesses.
To nut
Usually means to cum.
Netflix and chill
Having someone over to watch a film when you both know you are going to have sex or make out. Little or none of the film ends up being watched!
Pegging
The act of using a strap-on to penetrate someone either vaginally or anally.
Pearl necklace
When a person ejaculates over another person’s neck and chest.
Play party
An adult party where there may be sexual activity taking place. This can be at different levels depending on the venue or organisers. Not every party will have sex taking place but may have workshops that are themed around sex or burlesque acts. Some parties will be explicitly about sex and taking part. Do your homework before you go to an event and find out as much as you can about what it involves. Also, examine your own boundaries to make sure you are comfortable, and that your partner is okay if you need to leave if it becomes too much.
Public dungeons
A public space which is set up as a dungeon either permanently or temporarily for people to enjoy.
Pup
Someone who enjoys dressing as a puppy. This can include ears and tails or even muzzles. People into pup play can sometimes wear collars or have owners that take part in role-play.
Pony play
(usually) A submissive who is dressed as a pony complete with a mouth bit or the addition of a tail attached to a butt plug or underwear. Some people may prefer just wearing the costume or others may prefer to role-play.
Oral sex
Using your mouth or tongue on someone’s genitals.
Orgasm
The peak of sexual arousal which creates an intense pleasurable feeling.
Queef
The sound that is made when air escapes from the vagina. Can, unfortunately, sometimes be hilarious! However, as embarrassed as you may feel, it’s best to laugh it off as it happens to everyone.
Quickie
A very quick, brief sexual encounter.
Role play
Acting out sexual fantasies or situations with a partner/s. This could be a sexy nurse looking after a patient or assisting a doctor.
Rimming / rim job / anilingus
The act of using your tongue or lips on someone’s anus. Also referred to as a rim job.
Subdrop
The physical feeling after an intense session of BDSM where a person has to come to terms with being out of the scene and back in reality. It can be emotional or upsetting to experience.
Subspace
The psychological state that some submissives experience in a scene or session. It is often said to be like a disconnect from time, space, or body. This is usually aided by a release of endorphins or dopamine which can contribute to the feeling. Those in control must check in with their subs to see if they are ok.
Scene
The creation of a session in BDSM and the participation in an activity.
Scat play / hot Karl / scat
Sex acts that involve faeces in some form. Usually leaving them on someone’s chest while you engage in sexual acts.
S&M sadomasochism
When two or more people consent to use domination, pain or boundaries during sex. The sadist is usually the more dominant person who is in control or holding the whip! The masochist is usually the person who enjoys being more submissive and having the whip used on them.
Safeword
In some instances – usually when pain is being introduced or boundaries tested, or new sexual practices are being brought into the bedroom – people may use a safe word. This is a special word agreed in advance that when it is used, it instantly means no. The other person must stop what they are doing as it is a clear sign that consent has been withdrawn or the person needs a break. Do not restart activities until you have had a conversation and are clear that all parties can continue.
Sex worker
The preferred term to refer to someone who sells sex, their body, and sexual acts for money. Although sex work is work, different countries have different laws around the hiring of, soliciting or visiting sex workers.
Sexting
Sending someone a flirty message or engaging in texts describing sexual acts. Again, consent is key here as someone needs to consent to receiving images or naughty messages.
Sixty-nine / 69
A position that allows two people to go down on each other at once. Either side by side or on top!
Shibari
A Japanese style of rope bondage often in artistic or intricate patterns. This can sometimes be done artistically for photos with flowers or additional props added for effect. It usually forms part of bondage or BDSM.
Shrimping
The act of sucking another person’s toes, usually as part of a kink or a fetish.
Smash
To have sex.
Soft limits
When someone is nervous to try something or hesitant. They may prefer to learn more about it or try it at a beginner level before deciding if it is a hard limit or boundary. Some people may prefer not to push a soft limit at all. It is a conversation before trying!
Soaking / floating
The act of penetrating a person usually with a penis without thrusting.
Spanking
When a person hits another usually with a paddle or a hand on certain body parts like the bum cheeks to cause arousal. This is, again, another act that needs to be consented to ahead of time. There are areas of the body that are okay for spanking and those that are not.
Swinging
Taking part in group sex or swapping partners consensually. Sometimes, couples into swinging can visit swinging parties to find others who are also interested. This is a form of ENM – ethical non-monogamy as all parties mutually agree to be open to other partners.
Tea bagging
Putting the testicles into a partner’s mouth for sucking or licking.
Tribute / hate cum
A sexual activity that involves ejaculating on the picture of someone. This act is now associated with cyberbullying as it is designed to spite, intimidate a victim or achieve sexual satisfaction over them with impunity.
Threesome
When there are three people in bed together. This can be any combination of genders.
Queening
The act of sitting on someone’s face to start oral sex. As with many of these types of sex acts – consent is key and usually something that is discussed in advance.
Vanilla
Someone who is not interested in BDSM. Alternatively, it can mean sex that doesn’t include anything kinky or BDSM-related.
Wax or candle play
The art of dripping colourful hot wax over someone’s body, usually on the back and bottom.
Toys and Items
Anal Beads
A line of beads that are all connected. The beads are usually popped inside someone’s vagina or anus and then pulled out slowly. (Use lube!)
Butt plug
A toy that is designed to fit inside the anus. Some may or may not vibrate. All anal toys should have a flared base to stop them from being pulled inside the body. The toy is usually inserted and left there. Also, it’s important as with all anal play to introduce lubricant into the session!
Bullet vibrator
A small vibrator shaped like a bullet.
Ben wa balls
Marble-sized balls used for stimulation that are usually hollow and contain weights that are inserted into the vagina. As they do not have a flared base, and some do not come with strings or cords – they are not suitable for anal play.
Cock ring
A vibrating or non-vibrating stretchy toy that sits around the base of the penis. It is designed to keep the penis erect for longer or provide extra stimulation for everyone involved.
Chastity belt
An object worn by a person to prevent access or stimulation to their genitals. It could be a cage structure which is controlled by key access that a partner has possession of.
Clitorial stimulator or sucker
A sex toy that has a circular hole that applies vibrations or a sonic wave to simulate oral sex.
Dildo
A non-vibrating sex toy that can be penis-shaped (although not always!) and can be made in different colours or sizes.
Dual vibrator
A wand vibrator that has another attachment on it – usually a clitoral stimulator and an insertion toy although you can buy anal stimulator toys too.
Fleshlight / honeypot
A penis masturbator that looks almost like a torch with a hole in a soft material, usually silicone at one end.
Flogger
A person who hits another for sexual gratification OR a type of whip that has a hard handle with multiple stands of material ranging from leather to PVC to rubber. A cat o’ nine tails is similar but with only nine strands instead of multiple.
Gag
A piece of material which is placed in the mouth to stop someone from making a noise or speaking. A ball gag is a variation on this where the material has a ball that is placed into the mouth. A bit is another variation where there is a metal bar that goes into the mouth. Medical gags are sterile medical-inspired equipment which keep the mouth open or closed. This may be part of a wider medical fetish or kink.
Gimp mask/bondage mask
A mask that is designed to restrain the face, breathing or speech. Usually made from rubber, latex, PVC or spandex.
Liquid latex
A plastic-esque type liquid substance that can be poured onto the skin for dramatic effects, make-up effects or sexual gratification.
Love eggs
Vibrating egg-shaped toys that can be inserted into the vagina and controlled by a remote. These don’t have a flared base so are not suitable to be used in the anus.
Nipple clamps
Clamps that can be applied to the nipples for sexual gratification. Some may vibrate but most don’t.
Pinwheel
A wheel attached to a handle that has small spikes and can be run up and down the body.
Pillory / stocks
A piece of wood that someone can place their head and/or hands through. It’s designed to keep someone there while another performs sexual or humiliating acts on them. The pillory has been used as a form of punishment throughout centuries. There are also ankle versions of stocks.
Riding crop
A long whip which is usually used in horse riding.
Remote control toys
Some toys can be controlled separately by a remote which can switch the vibrations on or off and even change the speeds from a certain distance.
Sex machine
A machine usually used to simulate human sex which can be penetrative.
Strap on
A dildo that can be worn by someone either with a harness, boxers, as a detachable cuff or internally. There are lots of different sizes and shapes depending on your needs.
Spreaders
An item of bondage equipment which usually consists of a metal or wooden bar, with cuffs at each end. It is designed to keep someone’s legs open at all times.
Slings or swings
A sex swing is a type of harness designed to allow sexual intercourse between one partner who is in the swing and another who moves freely. This can help to facilitate different positions or make different sex acts easier such as fisting or fingering.
Vacuum bed
A device that a person can get into which then has the air sucked out of it enveloping the person in tight latex. There are different methods to help someone breathe including masks and pipes.
Vibrator
An electrically powered item that can be used to apply vibrations to the body usually to reach orgasm or increase arousal.
Violet wand
A device used for the application of low-current, high-voltage electricity to the body. Usually associated with sadomasochistic sex play.
Whip
A long piece of rope-like material which is used to hit the body or a person who enjoys a lot of sex. Alternatively, it is also a James Brown song.
Wands
A longer vibrator that can be used internally or externally.
X-Cross
A wooden structure in the shape of an X that people can be tied to and subjected to sex acts or spanking.