Dear Love Lounge,

I’m finally getting comfortable with the online dating scene and really enjoying flirting again! I’m really struggling with something though: if a guy I’m talking to suddenly goes quiet, doesn’t reply or doesn’t show up to a date, I always think that it’s got something to do with my disability. How can I get out of this cycle of thinking? It’s driving me mad!

Grace

Hi Grace.

Thanks so much for writing in to us. It’s an interesting question and a tough one to answer, especially as I’ve felt like this numerous times before!! It may sound flippant to give you this answer but the fact of the matter is… If he is put off by your disability, he’s not the guy for you. That bit is easy. What isn’t quite so simple is allowing yourself to see past your own impairment when any negative situation comes your way. It takes time and some great experiences of positivity to change our outlook, but I can promise you that you have so much more to offer than just a disability, and there are plenty of potential partners that will recognise that. Make sure that you prepare well for any dates: wear your favourite outfit and promise yourself that you won’t beat yourself up too much if things don’t go to plan this time. Failed dates, double bookings and illness happen to us all – it definitely is not just happening to you!

I’m a great believer in not worrying about something you simply cannot change. What you can change is how much you’re going to let your hair down and throw caution to the wind on the next date… 🙂

Best of luck!
Em x

Join the discussion One Comment

  • Rebecca says:

    I have a disability but my best friend doesn’t. She encounters the exact same problem as you describe! I wonder if it is just sometimes the guy and the way they handle things? My friend focuses upon her most feared aspect about her looks (her weight) and blames that on the reason why the guy doesn’t call even though the date seemed good. She’s not even big but I wonder if we think our biggest fear of rejection I.e disability, weight etc is projected onto ourselves by ourselves when actually it is another reason which is simple- he’s bad mannered or he didn’t like our jokes or there wasn’t the spark or even she is too damn sexy for me! We don’t know we guess. Try not to guess mr right will date you soon

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