Love Lounge,

I’ve been single for nearly 20 years and am terrified of dating because I’ve been let down so much.  Any confidence tips? I was in a bike accident in my twenties.

Thanks

G

Hi G,

Thanks so much for writing in to us.

The dating game is scary for anyone, but it’s particularly terrifying if you’ve been out of it for a while! I always find that I’m at my most comfortable when I’m in a position of not having to impress anyone.  I might be vintage shopping with my friends, at the cinema seeing a great film, or out for dinner and drinks with loved ones.  These are the situations in which I get the most smiles from strangers, and conversations with them seem to open up the most naturally.  Instead of joining a dating site or putting yourself in a situation where you feel like to have to chat someone up, I always recommend getting on with things that you are interested in and love to do because it can often lead to a double whammy of success; you radiate happiness because you’re doing something you enjoy, making people want to talk to you, but (probably most importantly) the people that are going to be talking to you most likely have very similar interests.  Bingo, easy first few date decisions made! Here’s where you need to be confident, though.  When you next go out and see someone having a great time and feel yourself gravitating towards them – flirt! Ask them what their usual haunts are, and say you’d love to join them next time.  Swap numbers, give eye contact, nod enthusiastically, smile and show interest.  I have no doubt that you’ll have a date (that you also have a lot in common with) in no time!

Good luck,

Em

 

Hi Mik and Emily,

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years.  He’s my best friend and my biggest supporter – but I don’t really find him ‘sexy’ anymore.  What do you suggest?

Hi there, thanks so much for writing in to us.

Great question, and I guess my answer depends on one thing… do you still want to find him sexy?! I don’t know many couples that are still having just as much sex, sexting or dressing up in sexy outfits as much as they were when they first met.  But that’s different to not finding someone sexually attractive anymore.  Is your fella still interested in you in that way? Has he noticed that you’re feeling differently than you were? Has your sex life changed or been affected by this?

Changes in relationships (and even more platonic changes like this) can still lead to strong, long lasting partnerships, so long as both parties are feeling a similar way, or are at least moving in the same direction. If it doesn’t seem like it’s causing issues between you, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.  If it does seem to be leading to unhappiness, maybe it’s time to sit down and have an honest discussion about your future together.

I really hope this helps, and wishing you both the best of luck,

Em

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