Think of sexuality like big candy shop – the biggest you’ve ever seen, or even heard of. It’s overwhelming to think there’s so many choices available for you to buy, and try, and even look at, but there is. It’s the same with sexuality, there are so many different toys, sexualities, fetishes, kinks, experiences, and types of sex you can explore within the ‘spectrum’ of sexuality that it’s overwhelming when you really start to think about it. 

When you’re an adult learning about all that sexuality has to offer, it’s very easy to get overwhelmed. After all, there’s so much out there, how can you not get overwhelmed? 

Here’s a few tips to help.

Pick a category and stick to it.

Lists are going to feature a lot today, as I’m biased, and I love lists. When you’re first starting out it is a good idea to keep track of everything you’re interested in. It also a way to stop feeling overwhelmed. All you have to do is pick out the categories you’re interested in exploring, for example different fetishes, sex toys, or BDSM terms. Once you’ve picked a category, work through all the elements within the category that you’re interested in – specific fetishes, sex toys, and BDSM acts, making a list of anything that takes your interest during your search. 

Basically, break it all down into bite size chunks that you can manage, and go from there. It doesn’t have to overwhelm you, because it’s not overwhelming. 

Start Slow

Seems obvious I know, but bear with me on this one. There is a definite temptation to rush off and look at everything, especially if you’ve made lists of all the new and exciting elements within sexuality. However, rushing off and looking at everything at once will mean you’ll mostly likely get overwhelmed. That’s what we’re trying to minimise If you get overwhelmed you’re less likely to explore everything that sexuality has to offer. 

My advice is once you’ve made your lists of however many different sexual activities, toys, fetishes etc. that interest you most, you can go down the list at your own pace and find out what suits you. You might find out early on that things you didn’t think would appeal to you, appeal to you more than others, so adjust your list or lists accordingly. There’s no pressure to try everything, it’s just a way for you to keep track of what you’re interested in. 

The slower you take this, the more time you’ll have to digest if anything throws you – like a fetish that might seem more ‘taboo’ than others.

Disregard Judgment 

It’s really easy to take on the prejudices, and judgment of others, especially within kink, and BDSM. Even sex toys have their own particular brand of judgment. You have to go into exploring sexuality with an open mind, or else you might just deprive yourself of something you love. There are many fetishes that seem controversial, and when they become public –  for example water sports, there is a lot of stigma attached to them.

I’ll let you in on a little secret, I see a lot of people in my line of work deny themselves a fetish or particular kink, or even simple acts of kindness that make them feel relaxed, and free because of how they used to perceive it. Key word ‘used to’. Don’t let yourself be one of those people. Go in with an open mind. 


These are just a few points, and I’ll no doubt pick this topic up again, but start slow, start small, and don’t let your fear of looking at something stop you from doing so just because you’ve heard people bash it before. 

Sexuality, sex, fetishes, and everything else under this umbrella is supposed to be fun, whilst the approach above sounds academic, do what suits you best. You know you. Just remember the key is not to get overwhelmed with all the new information you’re taking in.

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